


Snap Out Of It

by rotomtoms (variola_in_c_major)



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Black 2 & White 2 | Pokemon Black 2 & White 2 Versions
Genre: Canon Compliant, Colress is a Nerd, F/M, Isshu-chihou | Unova, My First Work in This Fandom, N has no idea how to person, Nightmares, Not So Popular Ships, POV First Person, POV- Rosa, Pokemon - Freeform, Pokemon: Black and White 2, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romantic Angst, Rosa majorly romanticizes everything about N, Shinoh-chihou | Sinnoh, Sociopathic!Ghetsis, Soul-Searching, Team Plasma, Touko returns, Unrequited Crush, Unresolved Emotional Tension, slight canon divergence later on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-05-24 23:59:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 58,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6171892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/variola_in_c_major/pseuds/rotomtoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rosa just wanted to be a regular trainer. You know, catch Pokemon, travel Unova, take on a couple gyms. Maybe even challenge the Pokemon League.  Unfortunately, Team Plasma has a reputable talent for ruining people's plans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Sun

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everybody. Someone on Tumblr commented that there's not enough Moonringshipping out there, and so this contribution to the Pokemon fandom was born! This will follow the canonical events of Black and White 2 in certain scenes up to post game, and then diverge from there. Anywho, enjoy~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everybody. Someone on Tumblr commented that there's not enough Moonringshipping out there, and so this contribution to the Pokemon fandom was born! This will follow the canonical events of Black and White 2 in certain scenes up to post game, and then diverge from there. Anywho, enjoy~

I’m starting to come to terms with the fact that my life is ridiculous. About six months ago, I was sitting on my bed, contemplating how I was going to spend my winter holidays, and now, I am watching my own face being screencast on a gigantic Jumbotron in a room full of people screaming my name as they pump their fists in the air. I would laugh, but my knees feel like they might go any second now, and I don’t want to press my luck. They aren’t even nerves, these emotions I am experiencing; I’d already won the battle. But my surroundings are absolutely surreal, from the people clawing the runway to reach at my feet, to the man across from me with a blue piece of hair swooped around his head in anti-gravity. Nothing feels real. Is this my life? Or is this a dream?

I am not ready to discredit the second option. They are broadcasting closing remarks, and I see the lights beginning to dim. With a glance towards where I had entered, I notice Hugh making frantic gestures in the doorway, and I begin to walk towards him after a moment of hesitation and brief consideration of turning and following Colress out instead. The second I am out of eyeshot from the dispersing crowd, Hugh launches into a flurry of chatter, mostly about things I could care less about. “I think I saw a Team Plasma grunt! We have to go get him! There’s no time to waste!”

I agree with him on the last statement, and it is for this exact reason that I decided to tune him out whenever he began ranting over Team Plasma. Hunting them down and interrogating them is a waste of time. They might be shady, but they are anything but productive. A nuisance? Sure. Actual trouble? I sincerely doubt it. Maybe two years ago, but not now.

“Hugh.” I try to talk him down, usually to no avail. “You haven’t slept in three days. You were probably hallucinating.”

His eyes look like they are tempted to bust out of his skull. “No, I wasn’t! I’m serious! We’ve gotta go now!”

Part of me wants to ask why I must come, but it’s a question I can answer myself without much trying. Around most people and things, Hugh is quick to anger, but Team Plasma, just the very words alone, were enough to throw him in a blind rage. He doesn’t think straight concerning them. It’s all just, “PLASMAPLASMAPLASMA” rattling around in his head. I don’t even know what his goal is at this point. He keeps asking about his sister’s stolen Purrloin, but…he seems irrationally angry with mere grunts of the organization for not knowing anything about it. I mean, how bad can Team Plasma really be? They seem like pests to me. Hardly anything dangerous. Definitely nothing like they were before, two years ago. They had majorly downgraded after losing their castle, their king, and any semblance of organization when the International Police arrived to flush them out. 

“I’ll go with you,” Cheren offers, before I am able to come up with an excuse, and I am both relieved and horrified at the interjection. Hugh is ecstatic; it doesn’t even take a 1/114th of a moment, and he’s pushed past attendants and fans in the PWT lobby to fling himself through the doors. But I feel a teensy bit sorry for Cheren, albeit not enough to accompany him. Nope. I’m sitting out on Hugh-watching duty today.

Wordlessly, he turns and follows in pursuit of my Qwillfish-headed friend, and I am left by myself beside the Pokemon PC box next to the counter. The lobby is buzzing with people, none of whom are familiar faces. I scan the throng for an electric blue swoop, a small green hat, even a bright flare of orange, but there’s nothing. My friends have left and I am suddenly desperate for a way out of this enclosed, claustrophobic nightmare of a building. 

Managing to only brush a few people, I make my way to a side door that seems to have gone mostly ignored and push it open. The fresh, salty air of the harbor greets me, along with a strong breeze carried on from the ocean just a few hundred feet way. The sun is playing peekaboo behind the clouds today, and the atmosphere feels particularly light outside. It is an excellent day for travelling, but unfortunately, noon passed long ago, and there is no chance I am crossing the next route during the night time. I will have to spend the night in town, which doesn’t bother me. Driftveil is my favorite place I have been to thus far.

“Rosa!” I whirl around at the sound of my name to catch a glimpse of a white coat before I recognize Colress approaching behind me. He has that mythical look to him, as always. His style reminds me of the news stories I used to see from the Sinnoh region a year or so ago. The headlines that read “Team Galactic” had faded long ago, but I would swear on Colress taking the misguided group’s fashion cues as scientific law. 

“Hello, Colress!” I reply cheerfully, genuinely relieved to see a friendly face. My stomach is starting to twist uncomfortably out of hunger. Perhaps I can persuade him to go searching for lunch with me. If I am lucky, he’ll know his way around Driftveil and we won’t be wandering endlessly until dusk. I tug at a few loose strands of my hair as he comes closer, stopping a few steps away from me. “That was a good battle,” I state honestly, recalling our duel from a few minutes ago. “I hope you won’t hold it against me that I won.”

“Of course not,” Colress replies coolly, sliding his hands in the pockets of his lab coat. The blue ahoge encircling his blonde hair is reminiscent of a planet’s orbit. Did that make Colress the sun then? I wonder minutely, as he continues, “I always enjoy battling you. It’s a learning experience, if not an excellent example of trainer ability. If only all trainers had the skill to bring out the true potential of their Pokemon like you do.”

There is something about the way Colress phrases things that makes me slightly uncomfortable and it’s there in that sentence, nagging at me. He seems detached, to some extent, from his emotions and maybe from the emotions of others as well. Of course, it could be a misreading on my part, but just judging from some of things he’s said to me, his manner of speech is concerning. Colress deserves to feel that special bond with Pokemon that causes what he calls “their true potential” to come out. He deserves that with people too, although that might require a much longer and annoying trial and error process to get down to a science. I could relate to that one at least. People weren’t very understanding, most of time, at least in my experience. 

I wave him off, subconsciously brushing the thought off my mind, and smile warmly. “I don’t suppose you know a good place to eat around here?” He doesn’t strike me as a local—no, he is far too eccentric for that—but it is worth a shot to ask. And perhaps he has been here before, or gotten advice from a friend?

“Hm?” His expression shifts into one of curiosity. “In Driftveil? I’m afraid not. This is my first time here in a very long time.” As if remembering the last instance in the city, he glances upwards, eyes seeming to wander into the atmosphere. 

I suppress my disappointment and I instead choose to reply with enthusiasm, “That’s alright. Would you like to come with me then? I’m starving.”

“You look far too healthy to be starving, but very well. If you say so. I will accompany you.” His eyes leave the sky to rest on mine again, and I feel a shiver shoot down my spine. He’s doing it again. That feeling of uncertainty of whether or not I should even be here, talking to this person has come again and I’m not sure what triggered it. Looking into yellow irises, I search for some reason for this instinct, but I find nothing. It’s not there, but the feeling is. 

Pushing it to the back of my mind, I quickly reach for his gloved hand with a smile and start pulling him along behind me in the direction of Driftveil City, away from the Pokemon World Tournament, away from the feeling. Away from the reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT 1/15/17: I fixed some of the problems in the chapter and reuploaded it. I would like to do it for the whole story, considering the fact that I am having issues with writing further on it due to some self-confidence problems, but I'm not sure how often I will be able to in lieu of my 17-hour schedule this semester.


	2. Absolute Certainty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rosa decides she's not not much for the role of hero.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is mainly filler, while I map out how the rest of this story is gonna go, but also, a better glimpse into Rosa's mindset concerning Team Plasma. Thank you for the kudos! This is my first fanfic I've ever published on the internet, so it means the world to know that it isn't complete garbage.

As things begin to unravel, I find my mind wandering where it shouldn’t concerning Team Plasma. I just want them to pack up their act and get the hell out of Unova so I can continue on with the journey I had planned. The journey I had wanted. But no. No, no, no, that was over the moment that I ran into a grunt at the Floccesy Ranch, and I should have realized it sooner. Hugh had picked up on it long before I had. I had underestimated their ability to throw a wrench into my adventure. I didn't want to think about them at all, but it was impossible to avoid the subject when they kept cropping up in every town, city, place I happened to be.

Of course, there were benefits to this adventure. I’ve made some wonderful friends in the time elapsed on this journey. But when I stand here, toes buried in the sand of Undella Town, I want to be normal. That’s what I planned for, and that’s what I packed for. I certainly never once expected before I left home, that I would be facing an army of goons determined to “liberate” Pokemon by taking them by force from people. My plan had been simple:

Travel.  
Train Pokemon.  
Challenge the gyms.  
Challenge the League.

I had once penciled in “losing to the league” beneath that, but now, that seems silly. I could do whatever I put my mind to, if I really wanted it to get done. That was something I had learned only after I left home, only after I’d already experienced more than I ever bargained for on this journey. I sometimes find myself wishing I had never gone on this adventure.

But then I have to stop myself. Wallowing in it won’t change anything, and really, Team Plasma is a mere obstacle in the grand scheme of things. I can’t change the past, but I do have some degree of control concerning the future. And so, I put my shoes back on and keep walking, pressing forward to the route ahead. I can’t stop now. The more I put it off, the worse the problem will become.

Route 13 is a mess of landscape, from towering cliffs to the seaside sands that blurred into grasses with trees on the horizon. It’s a whirlwind, battling everyone. There are a lot of water types, but I expect that, based on the setting. As I climb the stairs to the bluff hanging over the sea, I take a second and look out at the scenery unfolding around me. Unova really is a beautiful region, I realize with a pang. Guilt begins to settle in my stomach for ever forsaking this journey. I may not want to be anyone’s hero, but I certainly shouldn’t dislike having that role if it places me here.  
I guess I’m still just not quite used to this person I’ve become. At the very least, I’m not used to the sudden happenstances I find myself in by the hands of fate. Probably never gonna get used to that.

And speaking of, as if my thoughts could attract yet another bizarre event towards me, by the time I come upon Lacunosa Town, I see something rather unusual in the brush before the entrance. I don’t believe it at first, but after blinking and pinching myself several times, I am able to confirm that I’m not crazy, that the blue goat-like creature standing near me is in fact the legendary Pokemon Cobalion. 

For a second, I forget that I need to breathe, but then lack of air kicks in and I force out a deep sigh. Damn. What the hell do I do now? Am I supposed to catch it? This is one of those unique circumstances where I am not being forced into acting, and strangely enough—as though I’ve actually become accustomed to people bossing me around—I have no idea how to react in this particular situation. Fate might’ve brought me here, but was that fate? Is there fate even out there? Does fate even exist?

Probably not, I mumble internally, withdrawing Volcarona from my bag and rubbing my thumb over the capsule release button of the Pokeball. The ball was warm, I notice; she probably wants to get out and battle since she hasn’t had much a chance on this route. I didn’t like pitting her against water types, and this road to Lacunosa had been full of them. On that note, however, tons of people pass through here. I had battled so many trainers, and all of them could have a shot at catching Cobalion. For me to catch it, well. It seems unfair. I have enough on my plate without owning a legendary Pokemon, and the press that comes with that. It seems like they’ll flag down anything with a slightly above average skill set ever since the last champion of Unova left and the old Team Plasma business was settled.

I didn’t want that. So I tuck the Pokeball back in my bag and keep walking. I have no interest in becoming the center of attention for Unova, at least, not for that reason. It’s a funny thing really. Maybe Hugh and I will defeat Team Plasma and become famous, like the old Unova champion. Then we can go to Kanto and Hugh can finally achieve his dream of completing the gym challenge there. I’ll find out whether or not it’s true that the League is much harder there than here in Unova. That’s a crazy thought. Hugh and I, saving the world. How absurd, I think to myself, snorting at the thought as I turn away from Cobalion and in the direction of Lacunosa. 

Team Plasma are still only pests at their most potent. Bothersome, annoying, and definitely disruptive, but I don’t think they possess the power anymore to try and force Pokemon liberation on all of us. The two legendary dragons, Zekrom and Reshiram, are missing and have been since Team Plasma’s initial fall. Not much else is in this region. Cobalion may be a legendary, but it, along with the other two members of the Sacred Sword trio, doesn’t have enough strength to even come close to the two legendary dragons.

I walk on towards Lacunosa Town, movements becoming quicker as I think I see a hat and a lab coat near one of the building entrances. Professor Juniper and Bianca are here? That’s not unusual, but it does seem to heighten the hairs on the back of my neck for some reason. Seeing people I know usually leads to Team Plasma showing up in one form or another. Of that, I am entirely certain.

Everything else, not so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, we'll be in Opelucid City for the infamous airship scene. I'm really looking forward to writing it. Since Easter Break is this weekend, I might even get a chance to update again before the next century passes~


	3. Smirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Opelucid City is alive with the sound of...Hugh?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of wanted something light hearted for now, because I did finish writing a later chapter that does get fairly dark, concerning the climax of the game. Writing Hugh helps me to define him as a character beyond his Team Plasma rambling, so that's mostly just what this is: just pals being pals, unironically. Next time, however, we will return with plot. Like Opelucid being the coolest place in all of Unova--ironically.

Opelucid City is the kind of place that never sleeps. I had previously thought that about Castelia as well, but I can at least confirm that there is never a single moment of silence in Opelucid’s neon lit streets. Spending the night there was certifiably a mistake, and I am amazed I was even able to functionally battle Drayden for my 7th badge, let alone win. I must have some kind of unspeakably good luck. Either that, or it is the universe repaying with a small token of gratitude for putting up with yet another one of Hugh’s infamous Team Plasma rants. 

“They think they can just get away with this stuff! Obviously! They’ve done this twice now. How come you and I are the only ones trying to put an end to this?! Where are the Elite Four? Where’s the champion, eh? Some champion, defending Unova like this…”

Hugh is brooding, even though he won against Drayden as well. I thought I might lose. Haxorus was a force to be reckoned with. But Hugh took it down with an alarming amount of serenity and coolness considering how he’s acting right now. He is a good trainer. Of that I am certain. He’s also a good big brother. I don’t know anyone else quite as dedicated to anything as Hugh is to destroying Team Plasma and returning the stolen Purrloin. However, his one fault is his bitterness, which unfortunately tends to show itself around me a lot.

“Rosa? Are you listening?”

“Yes, Hugh,” I reply, a flat lie. We are walking back from Drayden’s house, where he had explained the myth of Unova’s dragons, including the fiercely savage third named Kyurem, whose breath could freeze a person where they stood. He also mentioned something about DNA splicers, which could apparently be used to combine Kyurem with another of the dragons, whether it be Reshiram or Zekrom. Neither are in Unova at the moment, according to Cheren. Therefore, it seems that Kyurem could be the only foreseeable threat to mankind at this time, and I doubt Team Plasma would ever be competent enough to catch it. They don’t call them legendaries for being weak, after all. 

“You’re not, though,” he states, stopping his pace. I pause a second after and turn to see his eyes scrutinizing me for no real good reason.

“What?” I inquire, raising a brow. I don’t enjoy being looked at with such critical eyes. Arceus forbid I wasn’t listening to the hour long rerun of the ‘Hugh Hates Plasma Show.’ It doesn’t give him the right to glare at me like he is right now.

“You look nicer than usual. Why?” His eyes narrowed into slits, further squinting at my attire, which was basically what I always wore, except with a black cardigan because it just so happened to be kind of cold in northern Unova. Even so, I had been wearing it frequently before we reached Opelucid, and Hugh has been with me. In addition to that, I got about one hour of sleep last night. 

“Is that supposed to be a joke?” I ask in all sincerity. 

“What? No.” Hugh’s face contorts for a moment before settling on a frustrated expression. “I’m being serious. You’ve been happier recently too.”

“That’s because I feel confident. I feel like I might actually have a chance at challenging the Pokemon League.” His line of questioning is concerning. I’m worried about where he is going with this…

“You do,” Hugh agrees vigorously, taking a step closer to me. I don’t move an inch. “You’re a great trainer and I have complete faith that you can possibly win against the champion. But, that’s not what I am talking about. Your happiness, your change in appearance…is it…I guess what I mean to say is, who is he?”

“Who is….who?” 

I’m utterly confused. He has completely lost me.

“The guy! You’re seeing someone! Or you have a crush on someone! I asked Cheren and Bianca and they both agree! You’re acting weird! So who is he? I have to know! You’re my best friend, and I won’t settle for anyone less than perfect for you!” He says all of this in a single burst, not even stopping to breathe, and I am left standing still, eyes wide and swimming in misunderstanding.

At first, I am angry that he’s insinuating things, but that slowly dissolves when I hear the rest of his statement. “Hugh, please,” I say quietly, in awe of how quickly he managed to warp my mood swings into some love story. “I-I’m actually not seeing anyone. Chill out.”

“That can’t be true!” he counter, crossing his arms and tapping his foot with impatience. “I just want to know who it is, so I can confirm that they’re worthy. That’s all. It’s not too much to ask. Unless you already know I won’t approve of them, and that’s why you’re not telling!”

I can’t even believe this. It’s all so juvenile. Then again, it is Hugh, so maybe it’s not so hard to believe. “I’m not telling you because there’s nothing to tell. What do you want me to do? Make up a boyfriend?”

“Fine, I’ll just start guessing people then! Is it Cheren?”

“No! Hugh, come on!” The urge to sigh is strong, but I just don’t have it in me. 

“What about Nate?”

“I met Nate like once, Hugh. You’re wasting your time. I don’t have a crush on anyone, and I’m hungry, and it’s getting kind of dark out.”

“The sun doesn’t set for half an hour!”

“Okay, but this is still pointless, not to mention none of your business!”

He puffs out his cheeks, and a second too late, I realize I have made a mistake by indulging him in his little interrogation. “It is my business! As your best friend, I declare it is so! You’re like a sister to me, and I wouldn’t ever let someone hurt you if I knew I could stop it, so you come on, Rosa! Who is he? A convict? An embarrassing celebrity crush?”

“Who are you dressing up for, Hugh?” I try a different tactic, hoping that maybe I’ll fluster him into changing the subject.

“Myself!”

Dammit. Should’ve seen that one coming from a mile away. 

“Who is he?” Hugh asks again, almost smirking. I feel my face growing hot against my will, even though I don’t have anything to be embarrassed about…right? I mean, I don’t like anyone, so I shouldn’t feel like I need to hide anything.

“I am an open book,” I state, holding my arms out. The smirk is evident now, as Hugh takes another step forward, leaning closer to look me dead in the eyes. Oh no, I don’t think so. You’re not winning this one, buddy. 

“Is it me?”

“As if.”

He chuckles, leaning back. “I figured that. You say you’re an open book? Well, answer me this. Is it that guy we run into from time to time? I can’t remember his name. Lab coat? Weird hair?”

“Like…this?” I take a strand of my hair and twirl it around my head. Hugh nods. “That’s Colress.”

“Yeah, that guy. Internet Explorer hair guy.”

I guess my face must have twisted somehow, because Hugh is laughing, but in all honesty, I’m thinking. Do I like anyone? I mean, no, not really. Not like that. I didn’t factor any of that into my plan, as meticulous as it was, but then, I didn’t plan for most of this, so now I have to reconsider. I mean, it wouldn’t probably be so bad, a date. Food with a person I enjoy spending time with, or maybe seeing a movie, or visiting the aquarium…nah, that doesn’t sound bad. The physical aspect of it would have to be worked on, though. I am not comfortable with people touching me hardly at all. I briefly glance up to see Hugh watching me, that smirk alive and well once more. 

“Well? Do you--?” 

I don’t hear him finish his sentence, because at that precise moment is when the first ice beam hits Opelucid, and a blizzard engulfs us.


	4. Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Plasma is giving Opelucid City the cold shoulder of a lifetime, causing Rosa to recognize Team Plasma as being capable of ending her life. It's getting real. Too real.

I pull myself up out of the snow, suppressing a groan as I see Hugh burrowing his way out, hair sticking up like a blue, aggravated Shaymin as he furiously paws his way to the surface. Up ahead of us is…is…

…is a giant airship. Just when I thought this adventure couldn’t get any stranger.

“The hell?!” Hugh is demanding, but I already know who is behind this, or at the least have a reasonable guess. The coloration of the ship, the ominous shape looming over us, and the black uniforms I can see rushing onto the scene speak ever so clearly as to the motives of Team Plasma. I am completely filled with fury for a few solid moments as I realized my mistake. Dammit. I underestimated them.

“Hugh, we gotta go. It’s Team Plasma.” I brush the snow off my clothes and grab a Pokeball. I’m not paying any particular attention as to which one. Instead, I’m taking off in the direction of Drayden’s house, praying to some nonexistent God that no one is dead, that nothing has been taken from the city that could lead to more destruction than the icy wasteland around me.

I want to take it in, for a moment, the landscape, but there’s no time to waste. I feel my feet lose their traction beneath me, as I begin to slip, top half flailing to regain my balance to no avail. My rear hits the ice beneath me with a satisfying bang that rings up tailbone and spine for a few seconds before I’m able to try getting up. Unfortunately, however, I don’t get that chance, because the next time I look up, I see none other than Zinzolin and two Plasma Grunts hovering over me with smug expressions. 

“There’s no better place to hide a precious artifact that could lead to your destruction than a Pokemon Gym, right? Ha. Fools. These are the end times. Team Plasma will finally have our sweet, sweet revenge—“

“Zinzolin, stop talking.” His voice is beginning to get on my nerves, mostly with all the stereotypical bad guy language he is using. It’s almost as if I’m in some spinoff RPG game. Team Plasma is defeated. Team Plasma returns. It sounds just like that case of Team Rocket in Kanto and Johto. “You’re not leaving with the DNA splicers, if I have to rip them from your cold, dead hands.”

The irony occurs to me a moment afterwards that I could just as easily end up cold and dead if one of those ice beams hit Hugh and me. Zinzolin, however, just grimaces. “She has a point. It is rather cold. But I’m afraid the only death here today will be yours. Shadow Triad?”

A tense shock runs down my spine as I realize the cold breath of ice on my neck had shifted temperature. In a flicker of a moment, with a smooth disappearing motion, three partially-masked men with pure white hair and exceptionally sculpted arms were blocking my way. I instantly clicked open the Pokeball in my hand, which revealed my Samurott, who let out a roar before settling his feet in a battle stance. Who the hell were these guys? Some kind of super Plasma grunts?

Again, I want to groan loudly, and wring my hands in frustration. But I don’t have time. I never do. Hugh calls out his Serperior and launches an attack on one of the Bisharp that appeared accompanying the so-called Shadow Triad. It barely left a mark thanks to typing, as the Bisharp launches a counterattack, just nicking Samurott. As my starter Pokemon retaliates with Revenge, I see what the Shadow Triad’s true purpose was: a distraction. Drayden is occupied with grunts in the distance, as are his gym trainers, who are finding it very difficult to use Dragon-type Pokemon against the snowy circumstances around us.

I grit my teeth and praise Samurott, who I then return to my Pokeball. Hugh gives me an affirmative nod that I take to mean that he will fill in for me so I can pursue Team Plasma. Yay. My favorite thing: chasing after idiots with too much power.

However, as I make my move to advance across the ice—carefully this time, as I recall my earlier error---yet another ice beam hails down from the sky, right in front of me, as if a warning. It shatters the ground inches from my face, and it is pure shock that keeps my eyes open, my body rigidly positioned with eye contact gazing into my own reflection in the giant stalactite of ice sticking up out of the ground like anti-gravity. My face is warped. My skin is so pale, it almost blends together with the translucent surface in a terrifying lack of color. I reach up subconsciously, fingers brushing my cheek. My hands are cold. Everything is cold. It’s taken way too long for me to realize this, but I feel out of my body. I’m watching Hugh battle, I’m seeing Zinzolin shuffle away in his pudgy coat, escorted by grunts, I’m…I’m outside of myself. Who…who even am I?

I’ve done so much thinking lately that I have forgotten how to live. And that ice beam, that ice beam could have killed me. And I wouldn’t never gotten the chance to think ever again. Never gotten the chance to challenge the Pokemon League. To have a friendly battle with Hugh. To meet the previous champion of Unova. To develop a true friendship with Cheren and Bianca. To try to understand…to try to help Colress. I would never have any of that. 

I rip my eyes away from my reflection just in time to narrowly dodge an attack from the last of the Triad’s Pokemon. An Absol, quickly taken down my Samurott, who had taken surprisingly little damage from any offenses thrown at him. I smile to myself if only for a moment. Silly me. Silly Rosa. I really am too serious sometimes. I should lighten up.

But I will only get the chance to do that if Team Plasma disappears. Forever. I reach for another Pokeball and glance in the direction of Route 9 to see more grunts approaching. I recall Samurott. And with a grin stretched inhumanly across my face, I begin my downspiral of destruction.


	5. Supposed Intentions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An ending is twice as bittersweet if you don't realize it is an ending. And let's face it: hindsight isn't always 20/20.

I’m on Route 22 the next time I see Colress. I spot him the moment that he comes into view. That hair of his can be seen from a mile away, regardless of the setting. Oddly enough, though, I realize, battling my way down the grasslands, he is standing beside a Pokemon, seemingly observing it from behind those rimmed spectacles of his. It isn’t a Pokemon I’ve ever seen before, although it reminds me of a cross between a Tauros and one of the legendary dogs. In fact, it vaguely resembles…ah no. Not again.

I’m approaching at a reasonably quiet pace behind the scientist when he suddenly whirls around, coming nose to nose with me before knocking me over with the acceleration he had planned on using to move. I barely react at first, but when my head collides with the ground with a thunk, and I find myself gazing into surprisingly panicked yellow eyes, I realize I am actually just a tad unnerved by the situation. Colress immediately leaps to his feet, brushing off his coat and mumbling something, turned away from me. “My deepest apologies, Rosa,” I hear him audibly say, a gem amongst a sea of unidentifiable words he is spewing. It takes a few seconds for me to notice the pink creeping on his cheeks, and for just one measly moment, a sinister grin almost spreads across my face as I think to myself that I am actually seeing Colress lose that bothersome cool of his, and it’s over me of all people.

Did the idea of being that close to a woman freak him out? Or a girl, should I say? I’m seventeen, barely a girl any more, especially after departing on this journey, but what was it about that encounter that had made him react like that? 

I can’t help but giggle, which catches his attention as he adjusts his glasses and his expression back into smooth alignment. His coat is twisted in the back, but I choose not to mention it in favor of a smile, as he asks, “Ah, hello, Rosa. I’m sorry for that little fall. You startled me.”

“Funny. It’s usually the other way around.” I’m not really referring to him, but Team Plasma as I say this. They did have a knack for showing up and ruining the moment any time I enjoy myself for longer than three consecutive minutes. However, I have gotten over being annoyed about it. I hardly see the point; Team Plasma is now just a facet of my daily life, as sad as that is to say. I have accepted it.

“Do you know this Pokemon?” he inquires, gesturing to the beast standing a few yards away from us, soaking up the sunlight with a relaxed expression. I shake my head no, which Colress takes as a cue to continue talking. “It’s Terrakion, one of the legendary trio of this region. It is said that it once came to the aid of Pokemon that had lost their homes in a war amongst humans.”

Colress is a walking pokedex, I muse for a moment before responding, “I see. Do you have an interest in it for that reason?”

“Hm?” He gazes at me curiously, pensively biting his lip before realizing what I meant. “Oh. No, no. Not really. I was just observing. It is a rarity to see a legendary Pokemon out in the middle of a rather open route, don’t you agree?”

I would have, except that was exactly how I had seen the other two legendaries of the trio. It was like fate was determined to force our paths to cross. Either that, or the Pokemon were looking for me for some convoluted reason. I would hate to think of what that would possibly be. Team Plasma was enough drama in my life. I didn’t need legendaries too to add onto my list of troubles.

“Right,” I say, nodding with a forced smile as Colress returns briefly to the tablet he always carried, swiping aside some kind of application to make room for a new one to open. It isn’t but a moment later that he speaks again.

“Tell me, is it your intent to challenge the Pokemon League?”

“Huh?” What an odd way to phrase such a question, and a random question at that. Where did that come from? I shift my feet slightly, adjusting my weight from side to side. “Uh, I suppose so. Eventually. Why?”

Yellow eyes meet mine with an alarming amount of intensity, and for the second time, I think I’m about to see Colress abandon his calm demeanor, but his voice is smooth when he answers. “No reason. I was merely wondering whether or not you were going to take full advantage of your skill as a trainer. I think it is highly probable that you will win against the Elite Four, should you decide to take them on.”

I cock my head to the side, analyzing his words. It’s strange, how everyone thinks so highly of me. I’m just a young woman on an adventure. I never asked for the responsibility of saving the world, but then, here we are. It was thrust upon me, as though by fate, and I’ve had the pleasure and torment of crossing paths with powerful trainers and Pokemon thanks to that. But I don’t see how I’m deserving of such a role. Like I said, I’m just a girl. And Colress, much like everyone else I know, seems to think the world of my abilities. I don’t see it, though. I’m not sure I can. And maybe it is better off that way, if they think I’m so gifted with Pokemon battling. I would not want to become someone who took advantage of it without being asked to.

…but…I just don’t think I’m all that special, personally, fate be damned.

“Eh, maybe,” I voice in response, trying to sound neutral. It is hard to judge just how much Colress knows. With that fancy lab coat, one might assume he has a degree, or several, except, he is young, and my intuition says he is a dropout. Why else would he be wandering around Unova like he is? Unless this is some kind of research project for a senior thesis? Colress is difficult to read behind those yellow eyes, but he’s the kind of mystery that catches my attention. Team Plasma, not so much.

“Maybe? Rosa.” He turns this time to completely face me. Behind him, the Pokemon is opening its eyes, catching us in its sight. However, its visage is fairly calm, relaxed even. The hairs on the back of my neck aren’t standing up, so I assume we are safe and I shift my view to Colress who—dare I say it—looks like a frustrated parent. “You have the highest degree of potential I have ever seen in a trainer. If anyone stands a chance at defeating the League, it’s you.”

“And Team Plasma?” The words come out before I even think about them, and I don’t expect a visible reaction out of Colress, but I get one regardless. His eyes widen slightly, just a bit, and he straightens up his posture, hands tensing up. And suddenly, I’m confused. What? What about Team Plasma had gotten him so rigid all of the sudden?

“Of course you can defeat Team Plasma,” he says after a moment of silence, but he isn’t looking at me. Terrakion is watching us from the sunlit patch of grass yards away, and a few blinks pass before Colress finally meets my eyes again, this time with what looks like the most practiced smile I’ve ever seen. “You can do anything you want. As long as it is scientifically possible, of course. I believe in you, Rosa. You’ll do great.”

I have heard the words before, but something about them this time causes a whir of warmth in my chest. I don’t know why. If it’s because of Colress, or the tone in which he says them. But no matter the cause, I feel my lips pick themselves up at the ends, and next thing I know, I’m smiling at this strange man with hair like the planet Saturn. “Thanks, Colress. I appreciate it.”

And I do. 

~

The rest of that week I spent digging deeper into Team Plasma. I crawled through the chilly caverns of the Giant Chasm, and emerged into the winter wonderland inside, battling through grunts aboard the now grounded airship. I am haunted by the idea of poor Kyurem, suffering. I can’t imagine its feelings, but I did my best to take revenge for it as I ploughed through endless amounts of henchman under Ghetsis. 

All the while, however, I can’t seem to scrape the thought from my mind that someone else had to be involved in this. Ghetsis was not an independent agent according to Cheren and Bianca. The last time that Team Plasma had risen to power, it had been thanks to Ghetsis’ adopted son, N, an innocent and misguided idealist with charisma and the ability to talk to Pokemon. Ghetsis had had no direct involvement in the influence of Team Plasma on the people of Unova. He was the mastermind, sure, but N was the face of his operation, the intellectual front to the shady misgivings beneath. Ghetsis surely couldn’t engineer all of this equipment himself. He would need someone very learned in science in order to accomplish such a task.

And I don’t want to think about who that would be. I never did, and I still don’t, when I take the warp pad to what I’m assuming will be my chance to battle Ghetsis and end this once and for all. I let the feeling of odd desynchronization wash over my body for a moment and then give it a second to realign before I open my eyes to absorb the room I’m in.

It’s the cockpit of the ship, of course, decorated in shades of neon cyan and metal. There is a wheel up front used to pilot, looking humorously like that of a pirate ship, but then, I could see the aesthetic resemblance up above the quarters as well back when I was struggling to get the passcode to free Kyurem. But I don’t notice any of this at first. There’s only one thing I’m seeing.

And it just so happens to be my blind spot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Confession: It has actually been a year or two since I've played BW2, so I'm sorry if the plot sequence is a little out of order. To save myself, I'll just chalk that up to slight canon divergence. We're getting awfully close to that anyway. (Thank goodness. I'm not as into plot adherence as I thought I was.) Next chapter, all hell breaks loose. 
> 
> Oh wait...did that already happen? 
> 
> See you next time!


	6. Indifference

This is a blatant denial, and I can’t do anything about it. When I stand there, and yellow eyes stare at me with an alarming amount of indifference towards the room we’re in, the circumstances, surrounding us, I don’t even hear him. I physically can’t. My body is reacting without my permission, and I feel dizzy, oh so dizzy, but I have to stand. I can’t show weakness, and maybe that’s the hardest part of this. 

Why did I ever leave home? Why didn’t I keep Snivy and train it around Aspertia City? I had wanted to travel, and I know that, I know that I thought there would be more out in the world than just clocktowers and construction sites for new gyms. There is. However, there is also this. I hadn’t been expecting Team Plasma to become a legitimate threat, but I was prepared for it, more or less. I can handle them. Grunts, Zinzolin, even the Shadow Triad don’t stand a chance against my team at this point. But the first straw to go for me had been seeing Kyurem, suffering, alone, probably in pain. I couldn’t fathom who would do such a thing, except Ghetsis, but now I knew. Most reluctantly…

I want to leave, but my feet are stapled to the floor, and my hands are shaking, and even more than any of that, I want to yell. But I can’t. I know it’s not in me. I can feel that. I feel stupid, but then, even going back, I doubt there was any way I could’ve imagined this happening. It would be like Cheren or Bianca stabbing me in the back. Not quite someone I knew very well, but someone I knew well enough to think that they would never join an organization like this.

He’s talking. That much is obvious. I’m not listening of course. Why would I lend him my ears now? Hear him out? That time is gone, over, passed. Besides, he’s probably gloating, even if that doesn’t seem very in character for him. How would I know, anyway? I must be a complete and total idiot. I never knew him at all. Even if I had the ability to reopen my listening receptacles, there wasn’t a chance in hell that I would do it. I had heard enough. 

“Rosa?” he states, almost quizzically. My body had disobeyed me. I had no interest in hearing his explanation, if he was even offering one. There was nothing redeeming in this kind of work. And he’s not an idiot by any means, so it’s not like they conned him into it. 

He developed this airship. These ice lasers. Kyurem’s containment. The machine. The warp panels, probably. All while talking to me once in a while when we ran into each other across Unova in what I had previously assumed to be “accidents.” Now, I’m realizing that they probably weren’t accidents at all. Silly me. Thinking that there were accidents. Somehow, I was forgetting the severe intertwining of my life with Team Plasma.

“Are you alright?” 

I stiffened. Yet another thing I did not expect, along with emotions I didn’t foresee. I’m angry that he asks. So angry in fact, that I temporarily put aside my stunned mindset and meet his eyes, brows knitting together to express exactly how I was feeling. “Are you serious?” I reply. A question for a question. That’s how I’m playing it. He likes patterns. They’re part of science. That, I know I am not wrong about.

Colress hesitates, and I see it in his posture. He looks the same as always, but appears strangely at home in this freezing cockpit compared to the routes of Unova that I’ve always seen him traveling before. That I ran into him on. That he lied to me on. “Yes,” he decides, looking quite certainly all of the sudden. “You seem like you’re shocked.”

That statement alone makes me want to punch him in the face because I feel like he’s gloating, despite the fact that that isn’t much like Colress at all. Also, his voice is even. Not that it ever isn’t, but…

“I…” I am honestly at a loss for words. I had mentioned earlier that he wasn’t an idiot, but how far did that extend? Did I make an error in that judgment as well? “H….How can you even ask me that? Do you realize what you’re---“ I stop, dead-sentence, realizing that my anger can’t even be expressed in a sentence. “Battle me.”

He doesn’t move. I’m staring directly at him, watching him trying to work out what I said, with little patience. His eyes aren’t malicious. Like he didn’t intend on hurting me like this. Like he didn’t intend on falsifying our friendship since the Crustle incident on Route 4. Hm. As if. “Rosa,” he begins. The sound of my name even being uttered by him fills me with rage. I wonder for a second if this is how Hugh feels every time Team Plasma is brought up. “I needed my research to be furthered, if that’s what this is about. And it seemed like a good opportunity, since Team Plasma does want to extract the most potential out of Pokemon.”

“Ghetsis wants to rule Unova,” I snap. He doesn’t budge. “He could care less about Pokemon, people, this world. It could all go to hell and he wouldn’t give a damn as long as he has power. How important is that to you? How can you…? I guess I just never thought you would stoop to this…this…level of desperation. You say you want to see people bring out the most potential in Pokemon…and that’s understandable, at least, but…I expected more from you. So you want to see some potential? Let’s fight, already.” I’m losing my cool, but I can’t help it. How could he do this? How could I let him? If I had known months ago what he was capable of, I would’ve…I would’ve done something. I would’ve never let myself get this close.

This adventure feels like a mistake again.

I reach in my bag and pull out Volcarona, just to force him to make a choice. Although, judging by the sudden elation on his features, he seems to have no guilt in having tricked me, and no hesitation to accept my challenge. “I always enjoy battling with you. Even under these circumstances. If anyone has the ability to bring out the true potential of Pokemon, it’s you, Rosa.” Months ago, he said that first sentence to me at the PWT after I had defeated him. And then afterwards, we had gone searching for food only to end up in the shady part of Driftveil, hunkered down in this absurdly small and dingy café while there was a drug deal probably going down in the corner. It was strangely intimate, and yet I never knew….And now my chest is throbbing. 

He releases his first Pokemon, a Magneton, and I don’t even think as I give commands. The entire battle is a blur in my thoughts, a side note to my internal musings. I’m less concerned about Colress now than before; I have to focus on what is next, which is defeating Ghetsis and taking down Kyurem.

Kyurem, with that cold stare, that almost predatory indifference in its eyes…Had it trained itself to be that way or was that its natural state? Because indifference…that seemed like Ghetsis. I had heard vague rumors about what he’d done to his son, N, and none of them had been good. He nearly killed the boy depending on who you ask. Cheren and Bianca probably knew the truth. After all, they had been there. But I hadn’t, and all I had to go on about Ghetsis was snippets of hearsay, all of it heinous. He would try to kill me. I wasn’t prepared for that. I can’t be prepared for that. Who in the world could be ready to embrace death when such a heavy weight rests on their shoulders?

I win the battle. Colress is talking again. He likes to do that. Talk. But again, I’m not listening. I turn to leave, and begin walking just in time to catch the tail end of his statement.

“…you’ll decide the future of Unova now. Good luck.”

Indifference.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rosa is having some major regrets, but she isn't alone in that at least. Next chapter features: green haired floof prince and the overlord Satan. I'm jazzed to move on to canon divergence. I've never much been for closely adhering to the storyline, simply because we all already knows what happens. I like to keep people on their toes. More to come soon.


	7. Radiance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dethroned prince makes a return, but at what cost?

When I begin walking into the Frost Cavern, I regret having not brought a jacket. I regret that Hugh isn’t with me as well, because the impending sense of doom I am experiencing is anything but pleasant, and I could really use his headstrong confidence in a situation like this. The temperature drops with each step I take, and ice is beginning to crawl up the walls and hang from the ceiling, great stalactites and stalagmites of chilled rain like teeth as I clamor through the passageways. I’m thinking about whether or not I’ve lived my life fully, and the answer seems unclear. I’ve never been on a date, yet I have eight Unova League gym badges and I have a good shot at winning against the Pokemon League according to Cheren.

I feel like this is my last hour, so I need to evaluate. I’ve been tricked, of course. I’m still sore over the fight with Colress, and I don’t want to think about that fresh wound to my pride. I’ll think about other things, I suppose. Good memories. Like the salty taste of the winds coming in from Driftveil City’s harbor, or the resounding chime of the Celestial Tower bell, or the crackles and hisses of electricity jolting through Chargestone Cave. Meeting Snivy for the first time, looking out across the expanses of Unova beside Bianca. Fighting my first gym battle against Cheren, my heart pounding when I realized I had won. Weeding through dozens of Azurill to help Hugh find Herdier in the Floccesy Ranch. I have lived a good life. Not a full life, not even close, but a good one. And I can be happy with that.

The blistering gust of snow frontally assaults me when I enter the last chamber. I can see Ghetsis standing several yards away, and beside him, Kyurem. There is nothing in its eyes now, no indifference, and the rise and fall of its chilly breath is steady, but Ghetsis, Ghetsis is in mania. He has this crocodile’s grin pulled across his face in a sickening twist, while a gloved hand rests on the staff he toted around as a walking stick. He is thinner than I imagined, and older. But somehow, despite this, the coldness in his eyes is far below the zero degree temperatures in the cavern and thus freezes me right where I stand once I am close enough to read the sinister expression on his face.

“I can’t believe that not only once, but twice, a young teenage girl has appeared to defend this region from my impending rise.” His voice is scratchy, as though it had been through a war. It suits the tattered cloak and horn-like hair. The hobo fashion, as I see it. “However, instead of being angry, I’m actually glad you’re here. You’ll get to be the first casualty. An example, if you will, of what will happen to those who defy my rule.”

He sounds like your stereotypical villain from a video game. A sadist, who wants to watch others suffer. But I feel a lot more intimidated than when I sat behind a screen, and most of that has to do with the heated gaze on me and the rapidly dropping temperature of the room. 

“Any last words?”

I struggle to think of anything, but I’m so damn cold that my mind is as blank as the snowy white expanses surrounding me on the floor of this cave, so nothing comes at first. I shrug, and offer the man my full gaze, a smug smirk tugging at my lips. If I’m going to die like this, if I have to suffer, than I’m not going down crying. That isn’t how I want to leave this world, pleading for my life. I have lived a good life, and the one thing I managed to take away from it is that I still have a chance. I am capable of changing the future. I control my life, my fate. Team Plasma might get to decide when my time ends, but I’ll sure as hell decide how.

“Insolent child,” Ghetsis comments, tapping his cane twice on the ground. “So confident, even in the face of death, eh? You remind me of that trainer from two years ago. She too, was a thorn in my side. But no longer! No Unova hero to come save you now. You’re all on your own.. Kyurem is my ticket to absolute power, and you will be the first death in this war to claim my rightful throne of this region. Kyurem. Glaciate.”

The temperature drops exponentially, and I find myself suddenly wishing I were already dead instead of waiting to be executed. Kyurem’s yellow eyes flicker to me. I’m reminded for a moment of Colress’s eyes, so unassuming, like he didn’t intend to trick me. If only I had been smarter, I consider sarcastically, watching the ice crystals form and surround Kyurem in a rotating circle. They hovered in the air, jagged like knives, poised for destruction. My destruction. I feel them grow closer, but even though my eyes are open, I don’t see them. My eyes are locked with Kyurem’s. The myth about the eyes being a window to the soul isn’t a lie. I see suffering in those eyes. I don’t even blame Kyurem for what’s about to happen. Instead, I’m closing my eyes, clenching my fists, keeping my mouth in a firm, straight line.

So this is it. I’m going to die. What a decidedly dramatic ending. I never figured I would end up like this. Not once, setting off on this journey did I ever factor in dying. How could I? I never expected Team Plasma to capture Kyurem. I never anticipated them becoming a real threat. The biggest shock of it all was the fact that someone I thought of as a friend was really my enemy all along, but even that felt relatively minor compared to this. Hm. I guess I view the world through an analytical lens. Comparisons, data, coldness. Maybe this is the death that is fitting for me, even though I’m no one spectacular. No one brings the potential in Pokemon like I do? Give me a break. That was probably a lie too. Everything was a lie. And now I’m going to die, bitter and cold, but a unique death nonetheless.

I hear a roar incoming rapidly, and a screech of electricity fill the cavern, shattering something—the crystals?—but I fear opening my eyes to pure darkness. Barely a second later, Kyurem releases a huff, followed by Ghetsis’s scoff that almost sounds amused. “Ah. I should’ve figured you’d show up if the other one didn’t. Well, if it isn’t N, the freak without a human heart!”

My eyes jolt open, and I am still standing in the cavern, snow surrounding me. But the crystals are in pieces, and Kyurem’s eyes are trained on something above me, something descending. I glance up and have to narrowly avoid choking on my own air when I see Zekrom, its black majesty overwhelming powerful, as well as that of the person riding it. That person who I assumed must be…N? N, Ghetsis’s son, N? 

Cheren had been wrong about the dragons after all. 

Zekrom seems to descend almost silently, and when N climbs off the back, I take in his appearance for fear that I might never see it, or anything else, again, considering how the day has been going. He’s a beautiful human being, who looks nothing like his father yet all too similar. However, something N clearly has that his father doesn’t is a sense of morality, which is evident by what he comes out of his mouth as he stops to stand beside me. Strangely enough, I am finding it hard to even focus on what is happening. The world seems to be falling out of my realm of consciousness, with the edges blurred, as I watch N talk. I can sense his passion even in my dull, dizzy state. This guy used to be the Plasma King, I tell myself, but I just don’t see it. N exudes innocence. A broken kind of innocence, like a child who has had all of their toys destroyed, and their dreams crushed by an adult, but innocent nonetheless.

“You can’t do this, Ghetsis. You’re hurting Kyurem, not to mention countless other Pokemon and people. I won’t let you do this.”

“I gave you everything,” Ghetsis interjects, voice dripping with malice, “I gave you a home, an education, a royal upbringing, and you repaid me by giving in on your weak little convictions. Well, no more. All of that is mine, rightfully mine, and I am due to take it by force—if not with you, then with Kyurem!” At this, he taps his staff against the ground again, and Kyurem shifts. N moves slightly as well, and I feel my sense returning to normal. 

It is then that it dawns on me what is happening. “Oh no,” I whisper to myself. N glances over, and I feel my entire body course with warmth despite the freezing temperatures. Oh no. This was not good. Not good at all. According to what Drayden said…

“Kyurem. The DNA Splicers.”


	8. Innocence

_5 months later ___

__I don’t cry at first. I’m all the way to the Pokemon League, with the championship under my belt, and Iris is registering my Pokemon when it finally hits me. It is like a bullet train rams into my chest, and I keel over, as the tears come to my eyes, finally, at last. Is this grief? I wonder for a second, but then Iris is fretting over me, and I don’t have time to have yet another existential crisis. She’s asking, ‘What’s wrong? What’s wrong?’ And all I want to do is scream, because what isn’t wrong?_ _

__I had almost died. I was going to die. N saved my life. I wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for him. And I have no idea where he is, I can’t thank him at all. It eats at me, everyday, because I saw the emptiness in his eyes, the wounded animal looking at me with a pitiful expression, begging for any form of companionship. I want to see him, but I have no way how. I scoured Unova, looking, to no avail. I did my research, I questioned ex-Plasma members, I hung out religiously at the reformed Plasma base in Driftveil. I did anything and everything to focus on yet forget what had happened. Ice crystals inches from my face…willing death upon me at Ghetsis’ hand….I have nightmares about it every night. And the worst part was, I can’t tell anyone._ _

__Hugh wouldn’t understand. He would do his best, but that wasn’t what I needed. I needed…I need to talk to N. I can’t explain it, but I believe that would soothe my unconscious terrors, if only I could find the damn guy. The image of him won’t leave my mind, yet I see him nowhere; riding in on Zekrom, a graceful descent into a pit of hell, rescuing me…it sounds almost like something out of a fairytale. Hell, N was even a prince. But aren’t princes supposed to stick around? I may not be marriage material but I need answers…I need to know more about Team Plasma. I need to understand. There may not even be answers. But if anyone would know them, it is N._ _

__If only I could find him._ _

__…I tell Iris that I’m fine. Everything is fine. I’m just very emotional about the victory. I know she doesn’t believe me. I can see it in her eyes that she thinks I’m full of crap. She’s not wrong, but she lets me go. She must be under the impression that I’m not a danger to myself, which isn’t true at all. Trouble finds me at every corner. That’s how I ended up in this dumb mess to begin with._ _

__It is an unrealistically heavy weight to be the savior of Unova. If the previous champion left because of it, I would understand in a heartbeat, because I hate being that girl. The one who saved the region. The one who stopped Kyurem. People know who I am when I walk down the street. And it isn’t because I earned that title. It just…happened to me. And I loathe that. Reporters stalk every battle I participate in. People tell me all the time how brave I am. What a good role model. How much they wish their life was as glamorous as mine._ _

__I want to throw it all away. All the suffering I have felt up to this point…it is all because of Team Plasma. Not just the nightmares. The harassment from supporters, which has extended as far as threatening my mother, and the inability to trust anyone are just the tip of the iceberg. That doesn’t even begin to cover the PTSD and the constant anxiety that follows me everywhere I go._ _

__And it’s all because I talked to that damn idiot with the internet explorer hair on Route 4. I wish I had never met Colress. I wish I had never…cared. I didn’t need to. He obviously didn’t. Pokemon, people, they were all just means to an end for him. He apologized before disappearing in the airship that I hear is now docked near the P2 Lab near Nuvema Town. But we haven’t spoken since. It was an empty apology, I’m sure. Just like his heart._ _

__Nothing but numbers and data in there, I muse, on my way back down Victory Road. It is starting to get dark, and if I had half a lick of common sense any more, I would turn around and check into a hotel, but I could care less about my well being. It wasn’t as if I would be able to sleep anyway, so I might as well be somewhat productive. I’m traipsing through weeds down the mountain when, all of the sudden, I see it._ _

__A flicker of tea green. I think I’m hallucinating, at first, especially when he turns and looks up the mountain and pulls a small grin at me. But then, he speaks, and euphoria erupts inside of me. It’s him. It’s really him. Maybe Arceus is real after all. I don’t even make an effort to listen to the words he is saying. The next movement I make is a full on sprint down the slope of the hill, extending my arms and throwing them around him. I don’t even know why. The tears are back again._ _

__I’m blubbering, and I can practically sense the confusion radiating off of him. “You’re real. Okay. You’re real. I’m not hallucinating! I’m really glad you came back…I was…I was…I was worried about….I…”_ _

__“Is this…a customary greeting for people from Aspertia?” his genuinely innocent puzzlement just adds to my tears. He is so pure. And real. And alive, in front of me. I don’t have to keep searching. No more wandering. No more running. I can finally lay all of my paranoia and fear to rest. His hands come to gently rest on my forearms, very lightly. He has long fingers, I notice, taking a moment to actually assess him up close. He’s still absolutely radiant. How anyone could fail to see that he was a prince seems unrealistic to me. His stance, his formal speech…and of course, the good looks don’t hurt._ _

__My cheeks feel warm as I remember that he is actually a very attractive member of the male species. That I, socially awkward champion Rosa, just leaped and hugged him with no warning._ _

__“Huh? Oh! No! I’m sorry!” I immediately move to back up, but N just lets his grip on my arms fall slack and makes no other move to get away from me. So I merely take a step back as his fingers brush against my skin on their descent. “I…uh…I have been looking for you. For a long time, actually.”_ _

__“Really?” He seems surprised, and…bless him. He looks like a Lillipup who is finally getting adopted from a daycare center, theoretical tail wagging and all. His eyes are instantly brightened by the idea that someone wanted his company. It both breaks and inflates my heart simultaneously._ _

__I am going to be his friend, I resolve after weighing the option not at all. I mean, I do owe him for saving my life. And aside from that, he is lonely. And I…I think he might understand the nightmares. Ghetsis was his father. Surely he understood the terror I had felt…  
“Yes! I…uh…I know about you. Who you are, I mean.”_ _

__His face falls just a tad. I struggle not to lose my strength at the sight._ _

__“And I haven’t been doing very well since…you know. Kyurem.” He nods in affirmation. “I was hoping you could maybe give me some answers about Team Plasma. They popped out of nowhere, seemingly, and with no real backstory. I can understand if you decline, of course. You probably don’t want to remember all that. A-and um, if you don’t, that’s okay too! I-I would still like…I would still like us to be friends.”_ _

__I had shut my eyes tightly halfway through speaking in the hopes that I wouldn’t have to watch his emotions flicker across that naïve face. But I don’t need to. I hear N gasp, and I can practically feel his smile across from me. I open one eye hesistantly, and he is grinning gently, hands shoved in his pockets, void cube hanging from the left side of his pants like always. He is terrifyingly handsome, I notice, chewing my lip absentmindedly. I wonder if the last champion of Unova thought so too, when she met him._ _

__“Rosa. Are you sure?”_ _

__“Yes. Of course.” I am alarmed by the fact that he doubts my resolve. But then, he doesn’t know me well enough. Yet._ _

__“Okay then. Well, in that case. Follow me. There’s something I think you need to see.”_ _


	9. Debris

Stones crumble around my feet as I step onto what remains of a marble floor, emblazoned with patterns of elegant cream and soft, navy blue. The smell in the air is of must and of what I would imagine broken dreams would smell like if they have a scent. But then, maybe that is N’s expression as he gently brushes my fingers while taking my hand and leading me along the dilapidated hallway. It’s odd, really.

I’m almost eighteen years old and this will be the first time I’ve held a boy’s hand. And this “boy” was actually an emotionally traumatized prince who could communicate with Pokemon. A boy who had lived right where we stand, while it was still in all its glory. It raises a question: Did N still live here now? In this condemned space?

We are coming upon the first room when N speaks. “You are free to explore it as you wish. Please be careful though. There is a lot of debris, as I’m sure you’ve noticed.”

“Ahh, just needs a good housekeeping,” I attempted to joke, the humor going completely over his head as he pushes open the doorway to what appears on first glance to be a children’s playroom. I immediately turn and cast him a look of confusion, but his eyes don’t meet mine. In fact, they aren’t really focused on anything, staring contemplatively at the floor while he releases my hand to scratch his nose. I take the opportunity to move a few steps into the room. Broken, dusty toys were scattered around me in disarray. A basketball hoop hung lopsided from the side wall, jutting out with a sad cobweb nestled between the net’s webbing. I see a basketball a few feet over and make to pick it up. It feels unbalanced, as it likely should, not to mention covered in layers of settled dust particles, but what catches my attention are the initials embossed on the surface. ‘Harmonia,’ it reads, in a thick black cursive. It had been the work of a Sharpie no doubt. And, as I think a little harder, it must have been the work of N.

“This was your room,” I say. It’s a statement, devoid of any meaning as of yet. I’m not sure how to feel, looking at his childhood like this. It is literally all contained in this room, atmospherically and physically. The wallpaper peeling off behind a trunk of old play train cars seems almost symbolic of how he has suffered. How long has he been here? I wonder silently. Is Ghetsis even his real father? If so, where was his mother? 

“It was,” N comments, interrupting my thought before it had taken grasp of my emotions. He strides forward, stopping beside me and peering over at the basketball in my hands. “Before the castle fell. I wish this room had taken more damage, to be honest. That way, I could forget…forget the good things, as well as the bad things.” He pauses momentarily before straightening up and glancing at me. “But, it’s a necessary evil, suffering. It taught me a great lesson. She taught me a great lesson.”

“Who?” I inquire, unable to stop myself. I immediately want to punch myself a second later, because I know who he is talking about, or at least I think I do. 

“Touko. The champion of Unova., before Iris. Two years ago, she halted Team Plasma and stopped me from doing something terrible.” N sighs, eyes tearing away from mine to direct their attention on the floor, where his feet scuffed at the marble tile with deliberate avoidance. “I owe her my life. But I haven’t seen her in two years. Not since our last battle.” In a small voice, he adds, “I’m not sure I will ever see her again.”

My knowledge of Team Plasma’s first attempt at taking over humanity is limited to what I heard through friends (Hugh) and the media, and to be honest, it’s hardly substantial for me to discuss it with N. To my understanding, N had raised the legendary dragon of ideals, and a young trainer, Touko, had in turn invoked the dragon of truth, and in doing so, the two battled it out to prove their convictions. N had lost the fight, and similarly, his drive for the liberation of Pokemon. That was the gist, from my sources. Ghetsis, of course, had tried to kill his son. And despite having no proof of that, I firmly believe it with every fiber of my being. After all, he had tried to kill both of us in the Frost Cavern. N had escaped death twice.

A warm presence on my shoulder alerts me to the fact that N is near me once more, speaking. “We should move on. There’s still more I want you to see. If you are alright with that.”

“Of course,” I say sincerely, with probably too much passion, but N just smiles and leads me out. We traipse along the crumbling castle floor, water seeping in between the fissures to create streams of tainted waste. We climb a questionably sound staircase that is now more tarnished, debris rock than gracefully painted stone. And we emerge looking out a long hallway, a boulevard of collapsed purpose and meaning, with one sharp turn in the middle. And I know where we are immediately. This is the entrance to the throne room. It is strange, the heightened senses that overtake me once we reach the doorway into the dark, dank space resembling more of a sewer than a room fit for a king. It’s as though I’ve seen it before, in a dream somewhere. Or maybe in my most wild imagination from my childhood, a castle fit for a princess. Because for some reason, that is what I wanted to be as a kid: my own princess, not belonging to some prince or king. I had wanted to be nobility all in my own right, until Hugh (rather rudely) told me that I was just a small town girl with big dreams, and that fairytales don’t exist. Princes don’t exist anymore.

I almost want to smirk, but it feels inappropriate in the ambiance. N takes the first steps into the throne room, a long stride ahead of yours truly, who takes her time absorbing the dilapidated condition of a once royal dwelling. There is water to the left and right of the comparably narrow (considering the room size) but still very large pathway, and I watch my reflection as I walk. I don’t look right in this place. I’m too neat, colored in pastels, and I look a poor adventurer. I should look like a Champion. But I don’t.

Maybe fate made a poor choice, I think to myself for a moment, stopping when I see that N has halted in the middle of the room, somehow well lit under this cave of a home. His arms are raised in a grand gesture, and I involuntarily recall Ghetsis as he raised his staff to grind it into the ground, ordering Kyurem to “glaciate,” to kill. The moment feels so real, I nearly flinch, but N lowers his stance before I can. However, there is still something he wishes to say. The air is rippling with intensity, and it feels ripe for a battle. But could I do that? Battle N?

He has a relationship with Pokemon that even I, despite Colress’s nonsense claims, will never come close to achieving. He can fluently articulate the perfect balance between friendship and partnership. And I’m just a small town girl, like Hugh said. I might be the Champion now, but I’m solely convinced fate has made an error in choosing me. Someone else was meant to take this. I hope that’s the case. I never wanted to have these kinds of responsibilities. These risks. The potential for death being raised exponentially.  
“Rosa, I would like to make a request of you.” His voice sounds innocent enough, but I had been fooled by less.

“…Yes?”

His eyes twinkle when he speaks next. It’s such a sign of life that I forget for a second how afraid I am of losing, and am simply happy. Wait….happy? Is that…is that really what I am experiencing? Relief, maybe? No, no…it’s happy.

I want him to be happy. 

“Zekrom and I would like to battle you. And should you win, I believe that you should take it. Zekrom, I mean. Touko taught me a lesson two years ago about the difference of ideals and truth. But you have taught me something else entirely. Pure, untarnished bravery. And I would love to feel that intensity in our battle. You can say no, of course. But…this is important to me. And I have never met anyone like you, Rosa. Not since Touko, and even then…you two are different, somehow. Show me, in battle. Please.”

I release a nervous chuckle, sounding just as awkward as I feel. My legs are gelatin, and my knees feel ready to give out at any moment. Is this…excitement, maybe? “When you put it like that, s-sure, why not?”

“Excellent,” he replies, smiling brightly at me. “Don’t hold back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally. A new chapter. Jeez, I have no idea which direction I'm going in, guys. I'm just making this up as I go along, like the rest of my life. Anywho, I can't update very much this semester unless something drastically changes, because with 20 hours of classes, there's not much time to write, and as one might expect, I'm suffering under these conditions. BUT there are a few breaks to count on, so maybe the writing block won't catch up to me. As always, it's awesome to have people read this. S/o to @bulbasoars for commenting on this and making my entire week. I like to hear feedback from you guys. Tell me if I make mistakes (and I've already heard "my birth" so really nothing will surprise me at this point). Talk to me. Tell me what you like. Hopefully it's this story. If not, you're on the wrong page. See ya next time~!


	10. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rosa and N battle. Sparks fly that may or may not be from Zekrom. There are emotions. And Rosa doesn't want any part in in it.

I’m trying very hard not to laugh. The sheer ridiculousness of my life is becoming overwhelming again as I wipe the scattered dirt off my knee and straighten up.“You didn’t tell me I needed to catch it!” I manage to sputter finally, a few giggles escaping my mouth as I attempt to hide my face.

“Oh. I thought that was assumed. Oops.” He cracks a smile. It feels like the heavens are opening up on me at the sight, and it’s so strange to see, but even stranger to feel. I want to see more of that grin of his. I think I like it a bit too much. “But you know, Rosa, you did it anyway. Besides, I think Zekrom needed to measure your abilities as a trainer before submitting itself into your care.”

“Fair enough,” I shrug, feeling oddly euphoric despite my surroundings. I’m not sure why being around N makes me like this. It might just be that he is also dealing with what I have, if not more, and he is still put together somehow. It gives me some hope for myself, that just one day, I’ll be able to put “almost dying at the claws of a hybrid monster” behind me. Maybe one day, I will be able to visit the Frost Cavern again without my knees shaking and collapsing from underneath me before I can even reach the vast chilly wasteland of trees inside. Maybe. If N can stay in the ruins of the castle where his dreams were cultivated and then irreparably shattered, I think I can surely get past this.

Even if N isn’t really all that okay. I can tell in the way he smiles, the way he laughs, because it is hollow, like mine, as though both of us have suffered something and cannot find a way to cope. If so, it is pretty accurate to what my beliefs concerning us are. But, I also can’t help but think that if there is any way we can possibly get through this, it is together.

So, I do something very brave. And ask if it is possible, to get through this together. That’s what friends do, right? And we are going to be friends. N and I. Friends.

“H-hey. N.”

“Yeah?” He stares at me. It makes my heart hammer, but I try not to let it get to my head and mess up my speech.

So, before I can say something stupid, I blurt out, “I-I was serious about us being friends. I…I haven’t really been okay since Ghetsis tried to…Kyurem…” The words lost themselves at that point, but it didn’t matter. When I met N’s eyes again, I could tell he understood. I didn’t need to say anything, if there was even anything to say. It was hard to put atrocities and feelings like what Team Plasma had done into words.

“I understand,” he replies softly. I feel skin brush mine, and I look down to find my hands being lifted up gently with N’s own. “I had my entire world torn to shreds in front of me two years ago…my father functionally disown me, my ideals shattered…it was too much for me to deal with, here. So I went traveling. I have seen a lot since, from this beautiful and cruel world. I have learned so many things I wish I had known before launching that war between Team Plasma and people and their pokemon. I thought I understood before, but I didn’t, not really. So, I understand a small bit of what you are going through. But it is just small, after all. I wasn’t at risk for my life.”

“But,” I began, taking a step back instinctually and bringing my hands to pull lightly at the strands of my hair that had come loose from their buns during the battle, “you…you were there. With me. When Kyurem….when Ghetsis ordered Kyurem to kill us. You were there. Does that not affect you?”

N looks uncertain for a second. “I’m not sure what you are asking. It took me two years to realize it, but my father was, and is, a monster. So his actions concerning Kyurem and the value of human life aren’t a surprise.” He releases a sigh then, and in a single second, he seems to gain five years of age through the quality of it. “The depths to which he will go to achieve his dictatorship, on the other hand…I have no way of estimating. Surely you must know that…that he has tried to kill me before. I have had a lot of time to reflect upon that. My ‘father’ is nothing but a greedy manifestation of all that is wrong with this world.”

“Of course,” I nod in response, agreeing with his statement whole-heartedly. His tone of voice has taken on a new element of sadness different from the one I saw in his eyes on that fateful day we had met, but it was similar in the sense that Ghetsis was the one responsible.

N meets my eyes unexpectedly and takes a step forward to match our previous position, yet again linking our fingers together and eliciting an unwanted blush from yours truly. This time, I see intensity in his gaze, and it throws me off, because even during the battle, he seemed fairly light-spirited. His heart must always be heavy though, I ponder, right before he says, “I made a mistake two years ago that cost me a friendship, and I don’t want to do anything that might endanger our new one, so Rosa, please, tell me before I mess up. I want this to last.”

It might be the way he says it, or his unflinching eyes, but my heart is hammering in my ears at the end of his statement, and I feel myself becoming short of breath. I would worry about my health, but I already have a hunch as to what this is, and I don’t like any part of it. “Okay,” I answer, voice more straight-forward than I had anticipated.

N nods singularly, then smiles brightly, a huge contrast to his intense declaration a moment ago. His hands are still locked in mine when he adds, “So what do human friends do, exactly? I have observed, of course, but I don’t feel confident enough to make a suggestion as to what we should do…”

Again, I am taken aback, not just by the sudden shift, but by the content of the sentences themselves. N really is an enigma, I think to myself, head starting to pound lightly in my left temple. Coming here hasn’t really given me any answers, yet I’m not sure that I mind. N understands what this is I feel, and that is enough for me. So, I decide to clear my throat and reply, “Well, uh…we could go on a walk around Unova. We could go to an arcade, or attend a fashion show, or go on a picnic. Maybe we could go to a baseball game, or ride the subway, or participate in the PWT. We could go on the rollercoaster, or the Ferris wheel. Or we could just hang out somewhere, get food and talk.”

His expression shifts in an unidentifiable way towards the end of my list, but returns with an ear-to-ear grin by the time I reach the final words. I am processing what it means when he says, “Having a friend sounds so exciting. I’m actually…looking forward to this.”

“M-me too,” I answer, shakier than I intended. It isn’t a lie, but I am not fond of these feelings I am having around him. They feel very girly, and not in the okay way, especially for someone as emotionally unbalanced as myself. Maybe it’s nothing, but I find myself concerned that I might be…no…surely I can’t…

…like him?

That’s so mundane yet unexpectedly dangerous for my lifestyle of the past year. Sure, liking someone like this was once a dream, but that was before Team Plasma flew in with their beanpole-shaped scientist and cloaked sociopath and decided to ruin everything. I don’t even know that I can have a normal life at this point. And isn’t that what is sort of required to like someone without having a mental breakdown? 

Maybe it’s over. Maybe this feeling is nothing. Yes. That’s it. I am just hyped up after catching Zekrom. That must be it. 

…I can only hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would nominate myself for most inconsistent updates, but I think I'm doing pretty good, especially since I dropped a class that was taking up a bunch of my time and patience. That being said, I have no idea if there will be any consistency from now on. Just know I am working, my lovelies!


	11. Yellow Eyes

When the ordeal with Kyurem ended, I made it a mission of mine to never cross paths with Team Plasma in any way ever again, voluntarily. And it is entirely N’s fault that I break that promise to myself, when we lose each other traveling near the P2 Lab, intending to check out the area’s rumor that an abandoned nest of Larvesta was lingering around somewhere. I make the error of not checking behind me often enough, and before I even know what’s happening, I seemed to have lost N among the mountainous landscape. There are so many stones and so much grass to cover, all I can do is sigh and start trekking backwards to retrace my steps and locate my friend.

Ah, yes, friends. That is what we are, N and I. We share more in common than I thought, considering how different our lives have been, but it is astonishingly refreshing to talk to someone who gets the feeling of death and responsibility crawling on your back, or at least used to. N has no more formal leadership duties on his shoulders, which would probably be relieving if he didn’t replace them with personal goals and intended milestones. I can’t imagine not being stressed out all the time, of course, but even so, if I had the opportunity to shed this championship and become a normal trainer, I don’t know if I could stay productive. I would love to relax like I do with N, even if what we are doing is anything but relaxing for him. Socializing is a weak point of both of ours, but I find it easy to talk to N. I don’t have to look hard to find the reason why that is, and though it doesn’t make me happy to know I have some sort of romantic feelings for this guy, I can tolerate it. N is…innocent. I know he isn’t playing me, because he is way too genuine.

And on that note of innocence, it makes me ever more concerned about leaving him by his self, even though I know he has been alone for two years, traveling, between the first Plasma incident and this one. So I am powerwalking through the weeds, searching for a hint of any unusual color when I stumble upon the building I believe must be the P2 Lab. But before I can approach, I spot the large, familiar object floating next to the dock right off the grass where the lab sits and I swallow a large lump that suddenly forms in my throat.

I had known, but I forgot. And now here I am, with an option. Should I stay or should I go? Going to the lab means most certainly encountering Team Plasma. And encountering them again, whether they have changed their ways or not, means seeing him again. That trickster with the lab coat. I don’t want to see him again. That, I do know. Yet, curiosity beckons me. Has Team Plasma truly changed for the good this time? With no Ghetsis to lead them, have they defaulted on his sociopathic morale? Is _he _leading them now? I find my feet lifting themselves up, and my body looming closer to the lab. My decision is made.__

__I push the door open gently, only to leap back in fright a moment later when an electrical buzz flashes right in front of my face with a loud bzzt! and I nearly fall to the ground. A small, oddly shaped ball of energy with a mischievous expression whizzes out, snickering at me before descending to my eye level with a grin. It isn’t a Pokemon I’ve ever seen before, but yet I find myself knowing the name. “Rotom,” I speak, not really with purpose._ _

__The Pokemon seems startled that I know what it is, but flattered, electrical aura flaring a little and emitting some sparks that I do care to miss before rising back up again and winking before zooming off in the direction of the ship. I rise to my feet, dusting off my clothes and turn my attention to the lab, wondering what in the world Rotom was doing here. It was a Pokemon native to Sinnoh that’s primary purpose was to inhibit devices to possess and control them for the sake of mischief. But it must have a trainer if it headed back to the ship. Who in the world was qualified to deal with such a tricky Pokemon? Surely not one of the grunts._ _

__Oh well. I push open the door a bit more and slip inside soundlessly. The room is dimly lit by the few rays of sunlight let in by the corner window, which has been mostly covered up with a stack of boxes and papers. In fact, most of the room is covered, wall-to-wall, in files, ancient scientific equipment, and cobwebs. A few Joltik scatter from beneath the mess as I take a step towards the single computer in the middle of the room, an outdated, thick monitor connected to the bulky, heavy-looking console on the floor under the dusty desk. I try pressing the power button, but all I receive in response is a low groan from the machine as it struggles to turn itself on and then consequentially whirs to a stop. Dead end, I want to groan. I pick up some papers and squint to see the tiny handwriting on them in the lighting, but it’s illegible. Darn. I didn’t realize it before, but I guess I like exploring mysterious places more than I thought._ _

__Maybe the mundane life wouldn’t suit me so much._ _

__A crack of the wood behind me causes me to squeak, and I whirl around, clutching the papers with a death grip as the door swings open, illuminating the room. I blink a few times, letting my eyes adjust to the new settings, than grimace as I realize who stands in front of me, looking both excited and surprised simultaneously. “Rosa!” Colress exclaims, grinning as soon as he recognizes me. I immediately feel my teeth begin to grit together. “Did you come to explore the lab as well?”_ _

__I don’t want to answer him, but he is standing in the exit, so I play along, staring coldly into those yellow eyes. “Just in the area. Got intrigued.”_ _

__“If you find anything of import, please, let me know. I have discovered a few of the old files in here that relate to the creation of the Pokemon Genesect and its genetic information. It is quite interesting.” He seems practically giddy to see me, and all I can think about is escaping. It makes me sick to my stomach how we used to be friends, how I used to trust him, how stupid I was. I won’t make a mistake like that again, I think to myself._ _

__Colress abruptly shifts the one-sided conversation a moment later, before I have a chance to choose not to respond, inquiring, “How are you, Rosa? After the Kyurem incident?”_ _

__And I just…freeze. I can’t find the words to say. I’m not thinking of them, or anything, just a purely grey mass in my mind as a million thoughts rush through at once, memories of that day, of our battle, of Ghetsis’s disgusting smirk as he pointed his staff and ordered Kyurem to ‘Glaciate’ me. And I can’t help it. I take a step forward and spit, “That was your fault! Like you even care, Colress? Shut up. Just shut up, okay? And do your science. Don’t try to be my friend. We are not friends. Friends don’t lie to each other about who they work for and then contribute to almost killing them in a showdown with an ice dragon. It’s not…no. I’m not your friend. Not your acquaintance. You’re heartless. And I don’t have time for you.”_ _

__When I open my eyes, I am not expecting what I see. Colress is leaning in the doorway, now to one side, staring at me with a concerned scrutiny, eyebrows tightly knit in concentration. His mouth is in a firm line as he squints, then blinks and looks away. “…I…understand. I apologize for bothering you…” He glances up again, and I catch a shred of frustrated, real emotion, before he continues, voice surprisingly catching as he starts, “A-as you were.” Then he turns, and is gone within a moment, closing the door and yet again leaving me in the dimly lit darkness._ _

__I almost feel guilty for a moment, seeing the expression he just had, but my anger is justified, and in my heart, I know that I’m right. Colress may have a grey area of morality, but what I just saw proves that maybe he isn’t sociopathic after all. Not with the emotions I saw in his eyes. I didn’t have enough time to identify them, maybe never will, but they definitely were real. He was…is…real. A real person after all._ _

__Another noise wakes me from my conscious pondering. This time, N pokes his head around the corner, smiling warmly when he sees me, and melting most of my conflicted emotions away. I can’t let go of the thought when he asks, “Ready to go?” but I try. And eventually, as he reaches for my hand, and yet again we take off searching for the Larvesta nest, I do. I forget about it._ _

__For a little while._ _


	12. Attention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As it turns out, winning the Pokemon League Championship is child's play compared to confessing a crush on someone. Rosa would rather battle the Elite Four again, needless to say.

Elesa invites me to a fashion show about two months after N and I battle. I don’t want to go, but she is awfully persuasive with her model army behind her and a charming grin. I never have been any good at saying no, so I agree, and that’s exactly how I end up sandwiched between my best friend and the ex-prince I am developing feelings for at an alarming rate, under spotty lighting in a sweaty, claustrophobic hall.

Hugh is sizing N up like a military captain might a prospective recruit, when we arrive. Elesa had insisted I bring all the friends I know, and thus, Iris, Cheren and Bianca are also somewhere around me, but with the lighting being slim to none, it is difficult to tell. The show hasn’t started yet, and the only reason I can even make out Hugh and N out is because of their bizarrely-shaped hair. Also, Hugh’s threatening gaze doesn’t slip past my attention as he glares straight at N, not bothering to be stealthy in the slightest. Sigh. 

It’s a nice thought, that Hugh wants to protect me, but with all due respect, I was almost murdered by a megalomaniac with an ice dragon, so I think I can handle myself. Aside from that, N is not the manipulative type. People have to have meaning in order to manipulate, which is something I can’t seem to locate for N. His motives are unclear to me, and probably, to the degree that I can tell, to him unknown as well. He stumbles around this world with bleary eyes, wanting to change it, yet unwittingly sad as he knows it is a fruitless task.

I can’t help but want to help him. Sure, call me a bleeding heart, but the loss of innocence in N’s eyes that I caught every time our paths crossed…it isn’t right for a person to feel that way. He had the world ripped out from underneath him, a carpet he had thought was green when it was really all red, all because Ghetsis’s will didn’t go according to plan. And yeah, I have been through a lot, but I haven’t been through that, and I foreseeably never would, based on the circumstances. I have never even been through something comparable to that. I know what my life entails, as stressful and unwanted as it is. To find out it is all, in fact, a lie, would turn my world upside down. Sometimes, I think N is still swimming in the overturned ocean of what he used to think was true. I can see it, when he looks in the distance. Maybe I’m looking too hard. Searching for something that isn’t there.

But I am paying attention. Too much attention. And I can’t seem to stop myself.

I have been looking for a reason not to fall. And every one I come up, my mind negates it with some garbage excuse like, “He wouldn’t hurt you, or anyone else. Never on purpose.” Ha. I know human nature better than this. Hell, if I can reference that point at all, it will be to Colress and his fifty shades of grey morality. He said he meant nothing by the destruction of Unova, the lives lost, the people injured, but that it was for the greater good. And I have to remind myself, again and again, that N was once that person, less cold, but equally as misguided. And to my knowledge, I don’t know if that error in philosophy has been corrected yet. N tries tot understand this world, but I don’t know that he isn’t predisposed to drop all the knowledge he has gathered in the past few years at the drop of a hat, and climb on a soapbox yet again to preach liberation of Pokemon. I don’t know. I don’t trust myself to know anymore.

But to my heart, I suppose that doesn’t matter. I adore almost everything about him, even the things that drive me crazy, because I feel that he understands the weight of the world crushing him from the shoulders down, just like I do. He gets it. He gets…me. And I appreciate that, because that is also something that no one else here can understand. The weight of being champion…the hero of Unova…it’s a bit much. But N is here to shoulder the burden, to support me when I fall, and I love that.

However, I don’t want to say that I love him. That’s cliché and dangerous, and I have no interest in making a mistake like that ever again, placing my confidence in someone and then having them betray me (not naming anyone specifically—Colress). Saying that I love him would be like asking for misfortune, and let’s face it: trouble usually goes out of its way to find me irregardless, so why should I make this worse on myself?

He doesn’t know. N, doesn’t, I mean. Hugh does. He’s strangely perceptive for someone who overlooks obvious details when throwing himself into combat. Of course, it isn’t as though I am good at lying, especially around Hugh, so maybe I shouldn’t give him so much credit. But Hugh does seem relieved to find a reason for my “dressing up” and “new attitude,” that he claims started when we were in Opelucid. This timeline makes no sense, but it doesn’t stop him from accusing me of romanticizing N before I even met the guy—something that also isn’t true, but alas.

Hugh is now in the process of evaluating N’s character and worthiness, even though the effort is essentially pointless. I am never going to tell him my feelings. It isn’t fair to him, that he should have to know. They are just another burden on his shoulders, and that’s the last thing I want to bring him: more struggles.

“Rosa,” Hugh says, snapping me out of my daze. I turn and look at him, only to see that the razor edges in his eyes haven’t altered themselves in the slightest from when he was observing N. “I don’t trust this guy at all.”  
I can’t even help it. I sigh.

“Hugh…” I don’t even know what to say at this point. Where should I start? I about died once, so I think I can pick out my own boyfriends? Actually, in all honesty, that is a poor argument, considering my own terrible judgement (Colress) resulted in my near brush with death. Maybe I’ve learned from my mistakes? Isn’t that kind of hard to tell though, from an objective standpoint? I can’t judge beyond my own personal experiences. That just isn’t possible. Okay, well maybe, I am an adult. I can make my own decisions.

True. But again, my decision-making…

I really should probably stop beating myself up over Colress, but I can’t. It still makes me angry to think about it, let alone consider every interaction we ever had. I have convinced myself at this point that I was right to dismiss him at the P2 Lab. He needs to know the consequence of his deception.

“I’m not going to tell him, so it doesn’t matter,” I decide to mumble, just audible enough for my Qwillfish-headed friend to pick up with his hypersensitive noise receptacles. N is standing a few feet away, looking around in wonderment, but the room is loud, and there’s no way he can hear our conversation.

And it’s a good thing too, because I am certainly not expecting Hugh’s reaction.

“What? Why?!”

I barely get the chance to turn around before he is rattling off at me, uncharacteristically offended by my choice. “That’s ridiculous. You deserve to be happy. And so what if I don’t trust him? I do think he’s got his heart in the right place, at least. And motives should speak for a lot, considering what all we have went through this past year.” His last statement fades away into a diluted whisper as he turns away, seemingly done with his rant.

I don’t say anything, partially because I can’t think of what to say, but also partially because I know he won’t want to hear about my irrational fear that N is still enamored with that trainer from two years ago. He talks about her sometimes, often losing his train of thought at her name. And sometimes, he looks at me that same way, which I’m not sure how to interpret. Ghetsis had said I reminded him of her, but just how much, and in what way? Is it the way I look? How I act? I need to know, just where does this resemblance come from?

Does N see me as Touko, the girl from two years ago who dethroned him? Or does he see me as Rosa, the girl whose life he saved from his father? 

It’s not like I can ask. That isn’t the kind of question you ask someone, as bad as I want to know. 

“Tell him,” Hugh insists in a huff, yet again interrupting my train of thought. I refuse to meet his eyes out of obligation to my own feelings, and instead sneak a glance at N, who oddly enough is staring right at me. He smiles and offers a hand once our eyes meet, as though he can sense my inner turmoil.

And because I have no self-control or desire to keep myself from falling into a downspiral of emotional breakdown, I take it, and let him pull me over to where he was standing. The lights were completely out now, replaced by dots of strobe, and the show is about to begin, as the music begins to fade in, pulsating bass growing louder beneath our feet. N hasn’t released my hand, and I find that I don’t want him to.

Maybe it’s the music, or maybe it’s something else entirely, but I start considering Hugh’s logic. There isn’t much logic there, intellectually speaking, as most arguments Hugh has ever made are purely deontological and emotional, rather than based upon methodical expedience. But what if I did tell N? Just theoretically? It is definitely within the realms of possibility that he might not understand what I mean, which, sad as it is, I could use to my advantage and then act like nothing ever happ---

What…what am I even doing?

I am the damn Pokemon League champion, I remind myself impatiently, my grip on N’s hand tightening. I defeated Team Plasma and a legendary dragon. I can tell a boy, a simple boy, that I like him. Make the decision, Rosa, I tell myself. Tell him, or don’t tell him. But stop lingering on it like some lovelorn fool. 

Perhaps I need to act more, I resolve, bristling. And so I decide to tell N. The problem is, my body reacts before my brain does, and before I even get a chance to think about the consequences, I face N, releasing my grip on his hand and this time ensnaring both his arms in my grasp. He gazes at me with confusion, blinking a few times before asking, “Rosa?”

“N…I like you!” I declare, voice cracking at the beginning of my sentence, but otherwise sounding far more confident than I feel. I want to turn and bolt, but thank goodness, for once, my fight or flight response is actually to freeze. I can’t move my limbs at all, and thus am in a state of paralysis as I watch a range of emotions I can’t identify cross his face.

“I…” He isn’t sure what to say, perhaps? How to reject me politely, but keep me as a friend? Did he value me as a friend, even?

No, that’s silly. He does value me as a friend. I need to stop undercutting myself. I take a deep, shuddering breath inwards, averting my eyes from his finally, but my feet are still functionally glued to the ground. Regret is setting in at a remarkably quick pace.   
I’m honestly impressed I am holding it together this long.

“Do you mean as a friend? O-or, a-as more than a friend? I’m sorry, I’m probably misinterpreting this horribly—”

“No!” I interrupt, startling both him and myself simultaneously. I take a small breath before continuing, “Y-you’re not wrong. More than a friend. I like you more than a friend. A-and uh, it’s okay if you don’t feel the same. I get it. We can still be friends. If you wanna be friends. If not, um…”

Instantly, his arms leave my grasp, and I feel warm, smooth hands on my face. I am forced to meet his eyes, which are accompanied with what is the singlehandedly relieving smile I’ve seen in the entirety of the past year. I feel my fear dissipate, even before he begins speaking.

“No, I would love that with you. I really would. I-I don’t have any experience at it though, unfortunately. Hopefully that doesn’t bother you?”

It’s like I’m floating on air, even though I still can’t move my feet. “O-of course not. I don’t have any either.”

He seems taken aback for a moment, then smiles warmly, removing his hands from my face and letting his fingers travel down my inner arm to rest them gently in my own. “I would be honored, Rosa.”

I can barely breathe. I’m not sure what to say, but this time, it feels okay. Like I’m not drowning in the busted abscess I’ve been floating around in for the past year. N is smiling at me like I alone make the sun rise every day. And I don’t, I never have, never will, but I am, for once, okay with someone thinking the world of me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ughhhh. I'm not happy with how this is written, but I'm hungry and I wanted it finished, so here it is~ May be edited in the future. I loathe writing romance scenes, because I have yet to write one that isn't unhealthily sad and depressing or ungodly in the level of corny, fluffy awkwardness that comprises the personalities of most of the characters I love. Eh. Either way, Rosa got what she wanted. Maybe. But is it more than she bargained for? Guess we'll find out soon enough!


	13. Disagree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world isn't black and white, and Rosa is getting lost in the many shades of grey.

Three months of happiness come and go, with their share of dips and twists, where I am happy. N and I even ride the Ferris Wheel, something he seems to regard as sacred for some reason of which I am unaware. I still have nightmares about Kyurem, and I doubt they will ever end, but he is there to comfort me when I wake up abruptly from the frosty breath of the dragon and Ghetsis’s maniacal laughter. He shares stories with me, of his time at the castle, and as a child, growing up amongst Pokemon for the first few years of his life before Ghetsis took him in and gave him a royal education, as well as a mission.

Hugh seems oddly pleased with the arrangement, even if he won’t voice anything besides the occasional scoff. I can catch him smiling sometimes out of the corner of my eyes, and the fact that he cares so much means everything to me. It comes to my attention one morning, a Monday, when I wake up from yet another nightmare, and N is laying beside me, arm draped partially over my stomach, that I feel appreciated. That defeating Team Plasma was worth the suffering, if this is the outcome.

Yet, the dread doesn’t leave, because I know just how short-lived my happiness generally is. As a reoccurring theme in the cliché movie that is my life, nothing stays golden for too long before it all goes right back down the drain, and I am once more left to pick up the pieces of who the hell I’m supposed to even be. Who am I? I still don’t know, even when young trainers come up to me with admiration in their eyes and notebooks in their hands, wanting ‘The Champion of Unova, Rosa Black’ to autograph something for them. The Champion is nothing but a title. The Champion has no idea what the point of waking up everyday is, even if she is loved.

The Champion of Unova has lost her motivation.

On the Monday that I wake up with N, there is a frantic knocking at my door that’s out of place, even for the life of a so-called ‘hero.’ It is downstairs, and my mother is at work, even though I told her months ago that we were taken care of, and she didn’t have to exert herself anymore. She had declined with a smile, saying that she enjoyed it, and at the time, I hadn’t questioned it, but on a day like today, as I carefully slip off the bed and into my slippers, and walk downstairs, I consider that maybe my mother felt that work was her purpose. It is a means to an end, sure, but if she likes it…well then…

I stop in front of the entrance and swing open the door to see an unfamiliar face, but that isn’t what catches my attention at first. It’s the gingery-colored hair of the stranger, the signature style of the neo-Team Plasma grunts. Immediately, I want to shut it, and it probably shows in my face, but I narrowly restrain myself and manage to inquire with as little sarcasm as possible, “Yes? Can I help you?”

“Rosa?” The grunt, I assume, asks, saying my name so fast that it sounds unrecognizable. I nod anyway despite this, both questioning and dreading whatever follows. And after a moment of nervous stammering and avoiding eye contact, the grunt continues, “W-we need your help. The Plasma Frigate has been attacked.” 

I want to say something sassy, but decide to hold my tongue, if only for a moment. The grunt is desperately searching my doorstep for more words, but isn’t finding any when I hear footsteps behind me, and a voice speak my name in a questioning manner. “Rosa?”

I didn’t even hear N come down the stairs. But then, he did live with the Shadow Triad, who I must admit, would make quite a lot of money by just performing their ninja-like tricks on people. It must rub off, I figure to myself, nudging my eye blearily. It’s too early for this. It’s always too early for Team Plasma, but now is especially too early.

“My Lord N!” The grunt squeaks, instantly bowing, as though by habit. N edges closer to the doorway, standing right behind me and resting his palm on my back. His gaze travels over our guest with a deliberate slowness.

“I am no such thing,” he offers, taking a glance at me before continuing, “What brings you here? Is my father up to his old tricks once more?” His tone grows in agitation before backing down again towards the end.

“N-no. No. It’s not that. It’s…w-we were attacked, milord. I’m not sure by whom, but our Pokemon have been taken and—” He doesn’t get the chance to finish before N motions for him to stop.

“That’s enough,” he insists. “I’ve heard enough. You can go.” He makes to turn away, but the pleading incredulity of the grunt, along with my hand whipping out to grab his wrist halts him.

“…W-what?” The grunt asks, his face falling even further than I thought possible.

He isn’t the only one confused. I am staring down N with a mystified expression, amazed with his lack of compassion, but he isn’t watching me, or the grunt. His attention doesn’t seem directed at anything in particular when he clears his throat and clarifies, “I’m not sure what you expect Rosa or myself to do about it. Two times you have tried conquered Unova, I’m not so sure that you deserve those Pokemon. Perhaps they were taken out of your hands for a reason. Have you considered that?”

The grunt is at a loss, as am I, but somehow, I manage to compose a response to N’s cold reply, even if it just his name. “N…” I hesitantly turn towards the grunt, making a gesture with my hands and mumbling, “He’s right. Maybe it is better off.”

It takes a few seconds for the statement to sink in, but when it does, the grunt gives me a resigned, forlorn glance before turning and stepping off my porch, shoulders hunched in a disappointed slouch as he wobbles away. I am watching N cautiously, reminded of the fact that he does have damage, like me, but he just covers it up better than me. Generally.

“Don’t let me make your decisions. Help them if you wish. But I’m afraid I can’t justify helping people who have made the same mistake twice get the weapons to repeat it a third time.” He mutters finally, after I’ve closed the door and taken a few steps towards the kitchen to fetch us both a glass of water so that we could, with all luck, work this out so that I don’t feel this sudden rift between us remain nor widen. I don’t give him an answer, because I can’t find one in the mess of emotions pooling in my gut.

I’m not sure why I can’t say I agree. Is it because I wasn’t there the first time? Do I truly think they are capable of redemption? I can’t say I know, excluding the case of the few I knew well, like Colress and Ghetsis. But did I really know Colress? Ghetsis was beyond saving, and   
that much was certain from the get-go, but Colress is still a sore spot of uncertainty for me. 

I can’t read behind those calculated eyes of his, and it gets under my skin. I probably would never get the chance to try and fail again either, considering our last interaction at the P2 Lab. Strange as it sounds, I miss him. I miss traveling, seeing him pop out of nowhere with random science to throw at my worn-out, battle-born mind, always surprising me with something I’d never once thought about. 

I don’t think that…I can believe someone like Colress…who always greeted me with a smile, with what at least appeared to be genuine kindness…I don’t believe that he would make the same mistake twice. Unless this Team Plasma business was really part of an elaborate series of trials, but I have trouble imagining that from a scientific perspective.

I elect not to share these thoughts with N. I don’t want to fight with him, even if this may not start one, necessarily. But I don’t want to rock the boat, because it makes me nervous, just how much hatred N might actually have in his heart. I’m not sure I want to know. Does he hate them? Because of Ghetsis? Colress?

I don’t want to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news: I am hopefully gonna be able to tie together the future writing I did for this, and the writing I am currently doing, so there will be a massive chapter upload spree in the near future~ On another note, the semester is almost over, which means my present mountain of stress will be toppling, only to be replaced with another of an indeterminable size. I never meant for this fic to be this long, but since I have everything sort of planned out, it should be smooth sailing at least. Patience, my lovelies. I too am suffering from a lack thereof, but there is some happiness in the future for this ship.


	14. Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Comparisons are cruel, and Rosa's her own worst critic, especially when it comes to measuring up against a certain trainer with a white dragon.

“Honestly. It’s disgusting.”

Hugh doesn’t mean it when he says it to me, and it’s evidenced by the smirk tugging at his lips as he says it. “Not to mention annoying,” he adds, unhappy with my lack of response thus far. I keep my poker face, awaiting his exit statement. “And it’s gross. Did I say that already?”

“You said disgusting.”

“Not the same thing.”

“What? Yes, it is. It’s just a bit of a stronger connotation than gross.” I tease, unable to keep the grin from taking over my features. 

Hugh rolls his eyes. “Whatever. It’s both. You both are both. AND, and—and you’re…you’re…” He struggles to find another adjective, gritting his teeth together and glaring as the commercial finishes up. I anticipate his final comment with intrigue. 

Unfortunately, I don’t get to hear it. Because just as Hugh opens his mouth, the news comes back on, this time with the urgent “breaking news!” bolded and italicized in black font at the bottom. I’m childishly agitated for a second, right before reading the headline, simply because I want to continue to hear Hugh ranting about how bothersome my relationship with N is, but the second my mind absorbs the sentence Unova Champion Returns to Accumula Town, I freeze instantly. My entire body tenses up in the course of a second, and Hugh notices before I can fix myself again.

But he doesn’t mention it. “Wow,” he voices, as we both observe the footage currently airing in Accumula, where a young woman is climbing off the back of a large, white dragon I know as Reshiram, and turning to face the press being shoved in her face. My first thought rams into me like a Battle Subway train: She looks so much like me. Brown hair, bright blue eyes, casual dress. Her hair falls in curls, whilst mine remains stubbornly straight, and her features seem to look arguably more like someone born in Unova, even though my family line has been here for a good while, or so I thought. Except, she’s beautiful, and the confidence that radiates off her is a kind that I can feel through the TV. 

I swallow heavily, but I elect not to say anything in favor of obsessing internally about how everything is going to go wrong in a matter of hours. N is upstairs, playing with Hugh’s little sister and her Liepard, but I can feel the atmosphere changing already. There isn’t anything I can do though, but watch my carefully cultivated relationship with N fall to pieces.

Unless maybe I have been overreacting, misreading N’s signals about Touko. Hugh isn’t watching the screen anymore when I turn to look at him and instead come face to face with dark eyes. “You don’t have to compete, you know,” he says in a low voice, not bothering to explain the context. 

“I’m not,” I start, immediately ready to leap into a fight with him for some reason. I shouldn’t want to cause problems with my best friend, yet the look he is giving me is so piteous that I want to punch him right in the face. So what if I’m having a mental breakdown? How is that any of his business to comfort me with words that probably won’t end up mattering anyhow?

That’s his place as a best friend, some part of me whispers, but my conscious isn’t listening. 

“I’m not competing with her,” I manage after taking a deep breath. “There’s nothing we would be competing over, except maybe the championship. And even so, I wouldn’t dislike being her opponent. I know she’s strong. It would be an incredible opportunity to battle with another champion of Unova.” I want to add who has had very similar experiences to mine to the end of that statement, but stop myself, thankfully. 

I can’t lie and say Touko doesn’t intrigue me. She seems like a phenomenal person, based off the testimonies of everyone who has ever spoken about her, but that’s part of the reason why I never want to talk to her. I am not that magnificent, and I know for a fact that every second, because of our similarities, I am being compared to her and losing in almost every category. 

“Hey, you know you two aren’t even in the same league, right? Every person is different, after all, which is why it isn’t realistically fair to compare anyone to someone else. You’re Rosa, and she’s Touko. And I can understand that you’re worried, even if you won’t say anything, because I know you, and honestly, I’m disappointed that you don’t think we’ll all stand by you.”

“But will you?” I inquire, picking at my nails with forced interest. I look up and meet his eyes with a resounding faith in my own lack thereof. “All of you? I don’t know, Hugh. I don’t know what it was like before me, because I wasn’t there. Was it better? Is she better? Comparison are relative, you’re right about that, but what if I don’t measure up to her as well as I need to? I-I don’t want to lose my friends, Hugh. I don’t want to lose you, either.”

In a split second, I see so many emotions flash across Hugh’s face that I am uncertain as to what I should do, but then they are gone, replaced by only one: frustration. “Are you kidding? That’s….that’s insane. Honestly. Rosa, what the hell? We’ve always been friends, and I would never ditch you for some would-be champion who fled the region when it needed her the most.”

My heart seems to rattle in my chest for a few moments, warming the otherwise cold cavern. I carefully place my hands underneath my legs, trying to ease them from their shaking state. A few moments pass in silence between Hugh and I before a noise from upstairs catches our attentions. I turn slightly to see N paused on the fourth step down, a couple seconds away from the first landing. His eyes travel over me with concern, and he asks in a quiet voice, “Rosa? Are you okay?”

“Y-yes, N. I’m fine.” I’m not very convincing, and I can see the doubt reflected in N’s face as he continues to descend the stairs and come to the couch where I am sitting, two seconds away from bolting.

“Did something happen? Did you have another nightmare?” he asks gently, touching my shoulder with a light brush of his fingers. I avert my eyes and opt not to answer in favor of curling my fingers up even further beneath my legs. This only prompts N to glance around for an answer to nonresponsive state, eyes landing first on Hugh, and then on the tv in front of us, where Touko is speaking in a muffled voice from the wind interference in the audio playback.

“…it was a long time, yeah, but I am glad to be back home. I’ve missed Unova so much. I can’t wait to see my friends again, and to see what has changed since I’ve left. Hopefully not too much.” She laughs, a beautiful chime of noise, and I feel my chest restrict. Dammit. Why couldn’t I be like that? I avoid cameras like the plague because my mind blanks as soon as the reporters start barreling into me with questions. But Touko…she’s effortless. 

What a pleasant life, I think grimly.

“Touko…” mumbles N, breath caught in his throat somewhere. I am in a glass box of nonstop screaming as I hear the emotions tangled up in his voice. My heart catches on something sharp and it feels like my own skin is tearing internally the longer the silence lingers. “She’s…back…from where?”

“Everywhere,” Hugh answers, eyes trained on me and my traumatized expression. “She’s been all around the world, apparently. All the regions. Quite the vacation.”

“I see,” N voices quietly. His emotions are masked this time. God. I remember when I could do that. Pretend like everything was fine. Everything is sure as hell not fine anymore, and it hasn’t been for months, no matter how much I keep trying to lie to myself and pretend like Team Plasma never effectively ruined my life. They did. I lie awake every night and pray not to sleep so that I don’t have to die all over again with every dream. 

And I, the fool, thinking N would care about me. Yeah right. I’m just the knock-off Touko, a cheap gimmick to substitute for the real deal. Is that who I am? Is that my purpose? I definitely feel like the second best, generic brand compared to her. She made all the firsts. I just followed up and kept everything in check.

I know Hugh is trying to psychoanalyze me from the corner, but I honestly don’t care at this point. I keep my eyes on my lap and blink at a snail’s pace, feeling the world slow to a stop around me. After what feels like an eternity, and the commercials come back on, N lets his hand fall from my shoulder. For a second, I think I know what it’s like to feel your heart break.

“I-I’m sorry. Was it another nightmare then, Rosa?” 

…But I don’t. It’s only a piece. Just one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter until the tie-together, guys. I'm excited to end this arc, because I really want to get on to less sad Rosa. I just want my perfect little bun girl to be happy again. And even though ferriswheelshipping is one of my OTPs, I can't help but empathize a bit for the girl. There's nothing worse than seeing someone you love look at someone else the way you look at them.


	15. Selfish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Plasma never really stopped making Rosa's life a living hell. T(he)y just dropped the title.

For the next five days, I try to suppress the constant, muffled pain in my chest that comes from the dread of knowing Touko is back. I figure N would jet off to see her immediately, but for some reason, he hasn’t left my side since the news announcement aired, as if aware of the fact that I am about ready to fall apart at any given second. However, I feel like I’ve been doing a good job of keeping it together in front of everyone, excluding Hugh, whose gaze shoots straight through me like a blade. I know he thinks I’m a basket case, and he’s probably not wrong, but the last thing I want to do is bring that up and give N a reason to hi-tail it back to Touko.

He doesn’t talk about her, not more than a passing, “Oh yeah, that’s right, she is back,” until the inevitable topic of conversation involving the possession of the championship comes up at a dinner table in Nimbasa. The appetizers are being distributed by the waiter, just as Cheren decides to pull a move we specifically named after him, that involves bringing up a controversial topic and then watching us all dogpile one another on it while he watches on, amused. Today just so happens to relate to our next destination after lunch, which is the Pokemon World Tournament in Driftveil, where Hugh is itching to get his claws into some ex-plasma members who like to frequent the battle establishment. I don’t plan on participating until Bianca insists that I do, and even  
then, I only agree because I don’t want her attention focused on me anymore. 

Pokemon battling has lost its zest for me, as has most of life, but sitting around a table, with the people I consider my friends, I feel at peace. At least, until Cheren clears his throat and asks, “So, Rosa, what are you going to do about the championship?”

At first, I’m not sure of what he means, and it takes a moment for me to catch on, but not Hugh. “Right. The trainer from two years ago is back.” His eyes flit towards me for a microscopic half of a second, but don’t linger. He has been doing this a lot recently; presenting Touko as a nameless other being, whose identity doesn’t matter enough for him to learn it. I appreciate the attempt to make me feel better, but unfortunately, it does very little in practice.

“Oh. I dunno.” I also don’t care, to be honest. I don’t even take challengers as it currently stands. Iris does. I don’t fail to notice a warm hand falling over mine, and glance over to see N’s arm extended beside mine. I swallow the impending hunk of nerves in my throat and manage a shaky half-smile.

“You two will have to have a battle at some point, unless someone beats one of you first, and then they’ll have to battle the other,” Bianca suggests, tearing a piece of bread off the plate in the center of the table, then proceeding to slather it with a small slab of butter. “Maybe?”

“Or you two could compete with just Zekrom and Reshiram. So that you are equally matched.” Cheren voices. N is staring deeply into his soup, soundless, but Hugh is fired up and ready to go, as usual.

“Or, we could just not talk about it right now. We’re trying to eat right now, not stress Rosa out, alright? Shut up and eat your food.” Hugh grumbles something beneath his breath as he stabs the popcorn shrimp on his plate and shovels it into his mouth. Cheren starts to voice something, likely snippy, but Bianca shushs him before he starts.

I’m grateful for the silence. But as I reach for my spoon, planning to dig into the potato soup in front of me, we are interrupted yet again. This time, externally. And by a girl I couldn’t be less happy to see.

“…Wait…N?”

I hear the chairs around me scoot, and catch N whipping around out of the corner of my eye, but I don’t move. Not yet. There are footsteps behind me, light, female. I recognize the voice, even though I’ve only heard it once. There’s only one person it could be. And that person is Touko, or as Hugh likes to call her, that trainer from two years ago.

“T…Touko…H…Hi.”

I want to gag on my soup, but I’m in a public place, and behavior like that is unfitting for a teenager, let alone a champion of the region. I glance at Hugh, but he’s watching the same thing unfold as the others, and at that point, I suck it up, taking a deep breath, and turn around to share in their sight.

N has risen from his chair at this point, on a little-above eye level with the beautiful, yet tomboyish girl who is standing barely a foot away from my face. Her confidence radiates off of her like the aura of Zekrom, a modern Teravolt of strength and pride. She knows who she is, and I can tell in the way she meets his eyes, deliberate in her questioning. Not a stammer, not even a nervous tremor. I think back to the incident with N, confessing my feelings, and I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. But here she is, having not seen him for what…3 years? And she’s calm, focused. “Where were you?” She asks softly. “I searched everywhere. Have you been here this whole time? You gigantic jerk.”

I would be bawling my eyes out. Probably. If my emotions as of late are any indication. 

“I…” N pauses. He’s clearly at a loss as to what he should say, but after a few seconds inch by, he replies, “I-I needed time. To figure things out, for myself. I’m still not done, but…I feel like I understand more, now. B-but what I don’t understand is this…have you been looking for me?”

“Of course I have!” Touko says aggressively, dropping the passive demeanor. However, her tone is more exhausted than anything, as she tilts her head to the side, looking at him with concern. “I did go for myself, too. But mostly, I went to look for you. I was worried after you flew away after our battle. I was afraid you’d…try to hurt yourself. Or something. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. We’re friends, after all.” She smiles at the close, gaze warm. And I decide to glance at N, before thinking at all that maybe I shouldn’t, maybe I’m not ready. And I’m not.

I feel sick to my stomach when I look at how bold Touko is, but that isn’t even the worst part. It’s when I turn my head, when I see N looking back, that I can say completely and utter certainty that it suffocates my lungs. It takes away all doubts I ever had about him, about her. I know now, what I thought might have been true before.

And it utterly destroys me. He’s in love with her. And it’s obvious, the adoration in his eyes, the pinpricks of tears that are about to fall from his face as he searches her face, memorizing it, comparing it to before. She’s everything to him, she always has been, and I’ve just been played something huge.

The lump in my throat that has been steadily building since Cheren started the championship conversation is severing my connection to my lungs, which are barely working anyhow. My surroundings are all starting to become unreal, and my chest—Arceus, my chest—feels like there are vines wrapped around it, squeezing me nearly to death. For a single second, I wish Kyurem would have killed me in that cavern, just so I wouldn’t have to stand here and watch this unfold in front of me.

I hate N and love him in the same moment, watching his eyes light up and his arms raise to engulf her in a hug. Innocence. _Yes. This is what you signed up for, Rosa. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be._

Team Plasma had never left me alone. They just weren’t in costume anymore. And ignorance has always been how Ghetsis accomplished his goals. Well, I guess he got what he wanted in the long run. I am definitely suffering. The music on the overhead speakers, some Twenty One Pilots song that they didn’t normally play on the radio, was ringing in my ears, sound distorted, louder than Cheren and Bianca chattering behind me, louder than Hugh asking if I am okay.

No. I’m most absolutely not okay. Even as I rise from my seat, the constricting vines won’t release me, gripping even harder when both of them look at me. My face is completely blank, something I can feel in the firm defiance my muscles have to showing this…this real Rosa, what I was supposed to be, and am not.

Maybe N isn’t the damaged one at all. Maybe it’s me.

“Rosa,” Hugh states firmly, but that’s all it takes, seeing even his eyes flicker from her to me.

“I-I need to go,” I choke out, standing straight up and then bolting on my first step forwards. I don’t even know where I’m going. My body is acting, and my mind is just---there’s so much...spinning. So much green, so much pink, so much blue. I’m not even control of what I do. Autopilot takes me to the doorstep of the theme park, and as I stare up at the sky, bright and blue, and full of life, I withdraw a ball from my belt, releasing Zekrom. The Pokemon seems concerned, but I can’t give a response for lack of motor control. 

But I am able to climb on its back and urge it into the sky. The wind whips past me, entangling in my hair, the hair I worked so carefully to straighten from beginning to end for today’s “group date.” I want to throw the dress I’m wearing in the ocean. I want to scream at the top of my lungs, until I lose the voice I hate listening to. 

Why did you ever do this to yourself? My conscience asks, sarcastic and condescending as usual. And I don’t have a satisfactory answer. I wanted to be happy? That’s selfish. I’m selfish.

This adventure is a mistake. This adventure is definitely a mistake. I wish I’d never left Aspertia. I should’ve never left home that day. I should’ve…

Up in the air, clouds whizzing by my face, raindrops just barely catching my cheeks, I finally do it. I cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The arc is over, folks- (thank God). I get really tired of writing Rosa's mental breakdown. And also, N needs to...not. I love him and Touko, of course, but I'm extremely relieved to not have to deal with his characterization. Colress is much easier, because I've given him much more thought (as I should have...since this story is moonringshipping.) The Twenty One Pilots song that Rosa is talking about on the radio is the one I was listening to while writing, which is "Before You Start Your Day." It's good for the ambiance, I think.


	16. Mei

I land in a huff, collapsing to the ground almost after a less-than graceful descent onto a patch of solid greenery next to a large body of water. The air that should be in my lungs isn’t. My skin is pale enough that I should be concerned, yet I’m not. The only emotion I am able to feel flowing through my veins is anger, and I still have no idea what for. 

Like I didn’t know this would happen? Like I was just blindsided? Oh please. I had known from the beginning that Touko would come back. I had just hoped and hoped and crossed my fingers that she wouldn’t, so that N’s eyes would focus on me and only  
me. I was foolish yet again. One might assume that after the Colress incident, I would have wised up but apparently not.

You go, Rosa. At it again with the poor judgement and terrible life choices. Way to go!

The sheer frustration I feel is communicable through only sarcasm and gritted teeth, and while I am trying my best not to show it, the mutinous look on my face scares away several trainers as I recall Zekrom and make my way towards the unfamiliar gate that would hopefully lead to a town where I could rest my bones and if I’m lucky, my body for the rest of my existence. My fists clench tight enough that I can see my veins stand out vibrantly against my flesh, and my heart is still beating in my ears, hammering against my ear drums when I finally make it to the gate. I barely feel conscious, let alone alive, so the sound is oddly comforting. 

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Why did I ever think it was that easy? Enjoying myself? And on the other hand, what makes Touko so great anyway? I mean, I’d always known I was no real prize, but N…N and Hugh and Bianca and Cheren…they had all  
convinced me I was, only to take it away…well, not Hugh, but…

When I push open the door to the other side of the gate, my eyes are stinging with tears as the glare of a streetlight greets me, along with the refreshing scent of the salty sea unraveling around my nose. I squint, raising my hand to wipe them away, and see one of the most beautiful cities I might have ever stepped in as I do so. 

A canal runs through the center, linking the two sides of the city together by a wooden drawbridge. A Pokemon Center is visible up ahead on the side I entered in, as evidenced by the glistening lights down the way from where I stood, overtop the stone mosaic that seemed to cover the whole of the streets. I make my way shakily towards it, barely taking in my surroundings as an unfamiliar fear sets in. 

I have never seen this place before, which could only mean one thing. In my harebrained, idiotic bolt from Nimbasa, I had ended up flying far beyond Unova, into Arceus knows where. I have no idea where I am. I had never spent a moment outside of my home region up to this point, save for when I was a child and my father took my mother and I on vacation. That was more than fifteen years ago, leaving me exceptionally clueless to my current location. 

I hesitantly push open the doors to the Pokemon Center and enter, clutching one my wrists to my chest as I approach the nurse at the counter. “Um, excuse m-me,” I manage to get out, despite my heart still rapidly beating in my ear and disrupting any and all communicatory functions in my body. “I-I’m lost.”

“Where did you come from?” The nurse inquires with a professional smile, and instantly, I’m annoyed with myself for even asking. I’m a Pokemon League Champion for god’s sake. And I can’t even find out where I am without asking someone?

“Nimbasa City,” I reply, avoiding the eye contact she is insisting on providing. I am not ready to look another person in the eye without crying, and it isn’t something I feel the need to test to make sure it is true.

“Where?” The nurse seems puzzled, and I instinctively feel my body tense up. Oh Arceus. What have I done? Where am I? How did I even end up here? How far from Unova am I?

For some reason, my first thought isn’t “home,” but Unova, and I have to wonder why that is. Am I already trying to distance myself from it? I choose not to dwell on it for right now. Not when I’m on the verge of tears as it is. 

“In Unova?” 

I whirl around to the sound of the voice belonging to a middle-aged woman standing next to the desk, stacking books onto the carousel full of magazines and tourist guides. I accidentally meet her eyes briefly, and I start to panic, but then strangely, it dissolves as I gaze at her. She emits kindness, the same kind I had received from N. A kindness towards Pokemon and people alike. And oddly enough, she also reminds me of someone, though I can’t quite place who…

“Y-yes,” I answer, startled by this woman’s mere existence.

“You’re in the Sinnoh region, sweetie. This is Canalave City. And you’re quite a ways from home. What’s your name?”

“R…Um…Mei. My name is Mei.” Somehow, in my current state, I spit out a name, but it’s not mine. And oddly enough, I don’t feel myself regretting it, as she nods, putting her last book on the carousel and walking over. Her glasses reflect the light briefly as she tilts her head to look at me with a smile.

“Mei. What a cute name. Did you mean to end up here?” Despite her raised lips, I can hear the concern in her voice and appreciate it, sucking up the little sympathy I can get. After the day I just had, I can’t even muster up the ability to feel bad for doing so either. I shake my head, to which she takes a glance around then continues, this time not speaking to me, but the nurse, “Is the Pokemon Center still full?”

I squint on instinct, because what kind of concept is that--a full Pokemon Center--but it is a half-assed attempt at finding my way back to reality from whatever state I’m currently in. The nurse shakes her head with a sad expression, but the woman who had addressed me simply bows her head shortly in acknowledgement, smile still intact. I am a bit envious of her contentedness.

“My name is Estella. Would you like to stay with me? You look very tired, and it can only be for the night if you wish.” Her put-togetherness is alarming. I find my head nodding before my brain processes everything that could and probably would go wrong, knowing my luck. Of course, I guess you could argue that I am lucky for even being alive, considering the high number of near death experiences I have had in the past year. Might as well continue chancing it. Press my luck.

She says something, but I can’t find the will to listen anymore past this. I had thought a couple hours into the air that maybe I needed to come down, it was getting too dark, and I needed to talk it out, but as usual, I had been wrong. I am not ready to talk about anything. That look in his eyes when he saw Touko again…I…I’m an idiot. And I’m not ready to accept just how much I screwed up and start moving on yet.

I’m still thinking as she gestures for me to follow her. My entire adventure has been a whirlwind, pushed by time and circumstance to do things at a ridiculous pace. I forgot that grieving is not a process that can be rushed. My nightmares of Kyurem. Death. Heartbreak. I can’t rush any of that, no matter how unpleasant it is, and for a second, not for the first time, I want to quite literally scream into the street because why couldn’t this have been a normal adventure? Why was it me who got roped into doing this? Why couldn’t Touko have just gotten herself back here to do it instead and spare all of us this suffering caused by Team Plasma? Then her and N would have been reunited and I would have never known him, would’ve never began feeling these kinds of things for that forgotten Plasma prince.

It is pointless to think thoughts like these, but it doesn’t stop me. I’m bitter, I realize, as we pass a tall, regal-looking building emblazoned with the words “library” in bold letters, and Estella begins walking up the stairs. I hesitantly take a few steps forward, before she clarifies, “My apartment is on the 3rd floor. It makes for a very convenient walk to work. Just a few sets of stairs.”

She works at the library. I see. What an uneventful, tranquil existence. I envy her lack of drama. It’s the kind of life I could only hope for. I walk through the entrance into a moderately lighted, comfy room surrounded on every wall by books. In the center, a spiral staircase travels upwards behind a long, u-shaped desk where a young girl with dark blue hair is reading a novel, feet propped up on the counter. She seems absorbed in it as she turns a page, eyes glued to the text at the top. Estella stops before the counter and turns to me. “Just give me a second. I need to clear up some space for you. If you wish, you may check out some of the books. I-if you’re interested in that sort of thing.” She laughs nervously before heading behind the desk and ascending the staircase with a certain grace that again, reminds me of someone I knew, or used to.

Sinnoh, huh? I don’t know much about the region except that it is mystical, built upon legends passed down for generations. What the legends are, I’m not certain, but they do have to deal with the concepts of space and time, based off what we learned briefly in school. I glance around, examining the seemingly thousands of books from afar, and then turn my attention back to the girl behind the desk to find her watching me. 

It takes me a second to muster up courage to speak. “H-hi. My name is Mei.” I have already decided this is my name for my stay in Sinnoh. After all, ‘Rosa’ is the public name of the champion of Unova, and my identity isn’t information I want everyone to know for some reason. 

The girl behind the counter smiles genuinely. “I’m Hikari, Doctor Estella’s assistant. But you can call me Kari, if you want. I don’t mind either. What brings you to the library?”

“Lost,” I mumble, contemplating for a moment. Estella is a doctor? That explains her professional demeanor, but then, why is she working in a library? Don’t doctors work at hospitals? Universities? I mean, points to her if she is stronger than her degree and chooses to pursue her true passion, but I just didn’t…that was definitely not a vibe I got from her.

Then again, I am awful at judging people, so I shouldn’t be talking.

“Oh! That sounds unpleasant. Have you ever been to Sinnoh before?”

“Not really, no.”

Her expression shifted a little bit. “I see.” She paused for a moment, glancing at her book, before looking back up and asking, “Are you okay?”

I can’t come up with a response, at least, not one that would pacify her. The answer is probably no. I feel like my head is filled to the brim with water, drain long disappeared, and now I’m just swimming in my mistakes, self-pity, and self-loathing simultaneously. There are no other words for the depth of despair circling around my gut, eating me from the inside out.

“Is it about a boy?” Kari inquires, seemingly hyperaware of the fact that I am not at all, in fact, okay. I chew my lip compulsively, picking up skin as I avoid her eyes, slightly nodding and affirming my own stupid emotions. I almost died. I almost died and this is what makes me run away from Unova. I saved the damn world and N, some long-forgotten prince, some stupid boy, is the reason why I choose to run. He is my breaking point. It is pathetic. I am pathetic. Some champion I am. Some trainer. Some hero of ideals…

“I get it. I don’t know your situation of course, but my best friend…we’ve been together since childhood and he still doesn’t realize I have feelings for him.” Kari sighs, smiling slightly. Strangely, her light-heartedness doesn’t anger me. I want to be like that. I want to not care. But then, it isn’t as if Kari has someone to compete with…does she? 

“Does he like someone else?” I ask, quiet but steadily. Kari looks directly at me, our eyes finally meeting. A moment passes before she replies.

“Not that…I know of. I think he would tell me if there was someone. He can’t hardly keep his mouth shut, that Barry.” She laughs a bit, then returns to a solemn expression. “I’m sorry. Boys really suck, Mei. But listen, if your guy likes someone else, let him go. I’m sure you can do better. If anything, let him go without you. He might come running back.”

“Y-yeah, I doubt that,” I am laughing, but crying at the same time when I answer her, and I realize that is the first honest thing I’ve said since I got here. N isn’t going to come looking for me. Why would he, after all, when he’s got Touko? I mean, she’s like me, but better. Even Hugh will come around to like her more. I’m sure of it.

Suddenly, like a train, a thought hits me full force, stopping me dead in my wallowing. 

This is it. This is the end of the life of the champion. My name is Mei here, in Sinnoh, where no one knows who I am, my burdens, my responsibilities. Sure, I had run away, but Touko could handle things back in Unova. She has taken everything else from me, so she can have that heavy weight I wore on my shoulders everyday as well. It is only fair. And Rosa, Rosa is dead. My name is Mei. I am eighteen years old. I recently moved here from the Unova region. And no one knows who I am.

I have a chance to avoid the misfortune, to truly put the past behind me. I could just be a normal trainer, or even just a library assistant like Kari. I could live the most mundane, boring life ever, finally. I almost want to smile.

Thank you, Touko. Coming back was the best thing you could ever do for me. This is my escape. Goodbye, and good riddance, Unova.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It didn't take very long for Rosa to come around to Sinnoh. It'd be cool if Gamefreak could take this as a cue to maybe...I don't know... ~~make remakes~~? Ehehe, nevermind. Anywho, we're back to our heroine being on her own as she conquers a new place, or possibly just settles down in it. But knowing Rosa's terrible luck, as she's said so herself, it seems unlikely that she'll get to relax. Not yet at least.


	17. Methodical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Early morning mist in Canalave City marks the start of a new beginning for Rosa. But what would the day be like if it didn't start with at least a little turbulence?

“I apologize for the wait. I don’t have guests very often.”

I wave her off as I take in the state of her exceptionally organized apartment, which appears just as full of books as the actual library itself, but has an oddly homey feel to it. Nothing like Unova in the slightest. In fact, the vague scent of well-worn pages and faint apple cider is something I find welcoming in my present state. She reaches for my traveling bag, which I extend willingly, then proceeds to walk down the hallway to a door that appears as though it has been left unattended for several years. 

When she opens it, and the two of us step inside, I am absorbed with nostalgia, but not for myself; it’s for whomever had lived here before me, with their obsession of knowledge, of science. A solar system floats directly above where I stand, in full detail to their actual positions in the atmosphere, as well as their coloration, and even the thickness and content of Saturn’s rings. Complex chemical equations cover the long-abandoned chalkboard across from the iron-framed bed, which is adorned with a plain, black comforter. One of those perpetual motion objects sits beside it on the bedstand, still neatly shaking the dust off in a rhythmic manner, next to an ancient alarm clock that looks centuries old. The walls are an off-white, and the wood panels are worn beneath my feet. 

It feels like a room someone once loved, and still does. I dare to glance at Estella, but she is looking straight ahead, reserved, watching the window on the far side. “Thank you,” I offer, nodding my head in appreciation. It takes a moment, but her gaze, an electric blue, settles on mine once again, a subtle tinge of—sadness?—buried beneath the surface. 

“Of course. You can stay as long as you need. There is food in the kitchen if you are hungry, as well as water and juice. Please, make yourself comfortable, Mei. Goodnight.” With these simple words, she exits through the doorway, closing it off behind her, and I am left in the room, alone with my thoughts.

As I unpack my things in a surreal, slow manner, I struggle not to think of N. Of Hugh. Of Touko. I need to leave it behind, but the wound is so fresh…I’m not quite so sure I know how to dress it. I have been a Pokemon trainer for longer than a year now, but nothing in my journey has ever prepared me for having these kinds of emotions. But it has prepared me for being away from home, so I feel little to nothing as I unbundle my pajamas and slip them on after discarding my barely worn dress I’d gotten specifically for that dumb competition. Bianca had insisted I buy myself something nice, something girly, so I could both catch N’s eye as well as the rest of the crowd at the PWT. Yeah. That worked so well, I think to myself bitterly.

After organizing my belongings, which are of a remarkably small number, I sit on the bed, slowly reclining until I am staring up at the galaxy painted above, with the planets right overhead. For some reason, I can’t bring myself to imagine the person who lived here. He or she must be so successful now, I figure, judging from the attention to detail in this room. Is that why Estella looks upon this room with such reserve? 

Certainly the person who had this room isn’t…dead? Everything is so neatly in place, it is hard to tell. Methodical, just like the elaborate elements in the planetarium I currently am looking at, examining with a curiosity that now has taken a rather dark turn. I ponder ridiculous possibilities until I feel my eyes growing heavy over top of their already sore state. I don’t bother fighting sleep; it may be ironic, but I’m too tired for it right now.

And when I wake up, the dark turn gets worse. I am sitting in darkness, total darkness, with a familiar, eerie cold creeping up on me, the kind that I know leads to trouble, but there’s nowhere to run, even if my legs can move. When I hear the low grumble, I remember where I am, and vigorously battle with myself not to completely shut down, physically and mentally. Two yellow lights brighten the room slightly, but I refuse to look at them, or anywhere in their general direction.

“Glaciate,” I hear someone whisper in a low, gravelly voice, as though they had been swallowing nails a moment ago. 

“Rosa!” someone else yells. I shut my eyes involuntarily. No, I try to get out to no avail. No. _Leave me alone. Just let it happen. Let me go. I don’t want to know you. I don’t want to know any of you. Why is this happening to me again? Was once not enough? How many times do I have to die until it’s for good this time?_

It doesn’t matter how many times I wake up that night, drenched in sweat, the cold won’t go away. And the nightmare doesn’t end until the sun rises, and the city of Canalave is enveloped in a permanently misty fog. I am staring at the ceiling, eyes wide after the end of the dream. It never feels like a dream. It always feels like it did back then, except worse, everytime, because I can never distinguish the difference when I’m sleeping. Who is to say that I am not in fact being faced with yet another brush with death? I have had so many, another one barely surprises me anymore. Disaster is always an option in my life.

I’m not really thinking of anything in particular when I slip on sweatpants and a jacket and walk downstairs. The library is barely lit, and Kari seems to have fallen asleep checking in books at the desk. I tell myself not to look, but her expression is so peaceful that I find myself horribly envious. I have not had a good night’s sleep in over six months, so long that I have forgotten what it is like to sleep without having awful nightmares about dying in an awful, icy twist of fate.

Fate. Right. I sigh, continuing past Kari and opening the doors to the outside, taking extra care to shut them gently behind me as not to wake her. Canalave is equally stunning in the morning as it is at night, although in a different way. Unova is not a region of foggy places, certainly not ones close to water, so in a way, this mist feels like a breath of fresh air (no pun intended). I pass some of the ships floating in the harbor, but despite the early hour, several are already out to sea in the distance, and the smell of the ocean is as soothing as it is nagging.

It reminds me of Driftveil, and the PWT. And the PWT reminds me of Colress, and how those hazel eyes of his deceived me at every turn, even when I thought I knew what I was doing. He completely blindsided me, and I, a fool, let it happen.  
But the more I consider our interaction at the P2 Lab, I find myself becoming less angry. With each step, a new wave of thoughtfulness seems to come over me, until I make a very pensive stop at the pier outside the city. He seemed sorry. I don’t like to admit that I would consider forgiving the man, but I could see even then that he didn’t mean to hurt me. Unless he was a very gifted liar, but I doubt that from him. Sure, I did get burned before, and there’s no doubt I’ll get burned again, but something I do firmly believe in concerning Colress is science, and science doesn’t lie. 

I wonder if he thinks as highly of Touko as everyone else does. Probably. _No one has the ability to bring out the potential of Pokemon like you do_ —yeah right. Sure, Colress. Whatever.

The worst part is, even on the minute chance that he is right about that very unspecific hunch, my potential for interacting with others was, is, and will likely always be terrible. My perception, my trust and my confidence are all the equivalents to the trash lingering outside of Opelucid City. And without those, my ability to be a person is proving to be quite below par.

Do I just not trust anyone? Do I always have to be suspicious? Can I ever settle down and have a normal life?

There is more to my revelation yesterday than I realized at the time. Complications. And although I don’t find myself missing Unova, I do find myself missing the ability to not doubt every choice I make. How am I supposed to live my life if I second guess taking a breath at the wrong moment? Or make a different turn at a crossroads? I won’t.

Alternatively, the damage I have received from other people, excluding Ghetsis, has all been collateral, or so it seems. N probably never meant to hurt me or my feelings. And Colress, I’m certain, would not have wanted me dead at the hands of Kyurem. His betrayal falls in line with an unfortunate side effect of siding with Team Plasma.

It’s the lifestyle, I guess. I played with fire, I got burnt. As if that’s anything to be surprised at. I exhale a long breath, electing to sit down on the pier, taking my shoes off so that my toes just barely sink into the violet-tinged water. I have always liked this time of morning. It’s relaxing to have a silence to myself, where I don’t have to think about anything, even if it is short-lived.

And this one doubtlessly is. Only a few moments pass before I hear a bzzt! behind me, forcing my senses to return to their hardened state of constant apprehension. I take a second before turning slightly, to check if there is anything there anymore, but I see nothing until I return to face the sea, and instead find myself looking down an orb of electrical energy grinning at me.

“Tom,” it speaks, mischievous eyes glinting as I grip the pier wood beneath my hands more concretely. My toes curl in to touch the bottom of my foot, sinking a bit further into the ocean, but I don’t break eye contact with the Pokemon.

This is not a sign of trouble, I tell myself, before clearing my throat and speaking my first external words of the day. “Hello. Do you need something?”

Rotom is dissatisfied with my response, altering its features to appear childishly displeased, but I find it quite humorous. This is all so light-hearted compared to the heavy darkness that my life has been about this year, I have to cherish it. It’s this kind of airless feeling that I’ve wanted, but it needs something else. Friends, I think to myself, but then stop. My supposed friends were the reason I wasn’t even in Unova anymore.

“Tom! Roooootom.” It zips around the small space in front of me, then narrows its eyes, as if threatening me to guess wrong again. I’m honestly not sure what it wants from me, unless it’s a game. Knowing the nature of Rotom, it probably is just that: a game.

“You’ve gotta give me a little more than that to work off of,” I insist, a smile almost tugging at my lips. I’m not to that point yet, where I can smile without feeling the emptiness gnawing at my innards, but I’m trying to be. Emphasis on trying.

Rotom lets out a puff of air in what appears to be a sigh then returns to looking at me with impatience. “Ro. Rotom.” It makes a haphazard movement to the right, signaling something with increasing urgency as it lets off a few sparks. As I lean back, attempting to avoid getting zapped, I recall the incident at the P2 Lab, where I had also encountered a Rotom in the doorway that looked eerily similar to the one floating in front of me right now. But surely they couldn’t be the same. That Rotom from back then had zipped away in the direction of Team Plasma’s frigate, meaning it had surely belonged to a trainer aboard the vessel. No one from Team Plasma would be in Sinnoh….right?

Then again…I am in Sinnoh, so it does stand to reason that my problems followed me here and I am perpetually stuck being the Plasma picker-upper for the rest of my hopefully short life. Ugh. No. I’m overthinking it. This Rotom can’t belong to a Plasma member.

In fact, I refuse to acknowledge even the possibility, for the sake of my own sanity. It’s better off that way. The last thing I need to think about is Team Plasma, showing up again to not only remind me of every mistake I’ve ever made, but also to continue to effectively ruin my new life, not to mention expose my true identity. At this point, no one can know who I am.

After all, the Champion Rosa has no idea who she is, in all honesty. So she could really be anyone right? No? Ugh. Too confusing. It’s too early for philosophy.

Another rustle from behind me, and Rotom has disappeared. But since that must have been Rotom making the noise the first time, then this person must be..? I turn slightly, exhaling, and ready to give a piece of mind to whoever is sneaking up on me at the pier. But, as usual, I’m caught off guard, because why the hell would I know what’s going on in my life, it is my life. Seriously, I’m supposed to be used to this by now, but I’m not.

How are you supposed to get used to Team Plasma following you everywhere you go?

My suspicions confirmed, albeit the person in question behind me is in a different costume altogether compared to the group I speak of. In fact, his general color scheme seems completely different, but that sinister look in his eye, and that atrocious hairstyle could only mean Plasma…right?

“Excuse me?” 

“Oh! My bad. I didn’t see you there, child.” As if he didn’t already sound like a wackadoodle, his voice further confirms the man’s lack of mental stability. I won’t even bring up the terrible, rose-tinted glasses he is wearing that perch on his nose and barely fulfill their duty as glasses. I’m also annoyed that he has the audacity to call me a child, even if my reactions as of late have been less than ladylike.

“It’s a little early to be capturing Pokemon, isn’t it?”

“Eh? Mind your own business. It’s for science, I’ll have you know.” I ignore my urge to scoff at the statement, thinking briefly of Colress, and how his kindness had thrown me from thinking he would ever be any trouble. Now, this guy on the other hand…

“Get lost,” I advise, plucking a Pokeball from my belt. He doesn’t move at first, just stares me down with a cold glare, but then finally turns, grumbling something about “not being in the mood to battle a weakling.” I want to cup my hands around my mouth and yell that he would be fighting, and losing against, a league champion, but choose not to, for the sake of starting a fight and revealing myself. As soon as he disappears out of sight, a little buzz alerts me to Rotom’s presence once more, and I look around to find the little guy stuck inside my Pokedex, looking oddly fearful.

“You okay?”

“Yes,” The Pokedex says, in that flat, informercial voice. It takes me a second to realize with a jolt that Rotom is actually using the device to communicate.

“Who is that guy?”

“Charon. He’s a…bad man, you could say. Stole me and the others from our trainers.” Rotom pauses a second, deciding whether not to continue, then emerges from the Pokedex, shaking free a few sparks from the compression, finished talking. But I’m   
reflecting on what it said, and I come to a rather disturbing conclusion.

That Team Plasma grunt that had come to our door had said that they were attacked on the frigate and had their Pokemon stolen. Could Rotom be…the same one from before? “Have we met before? At the P2 Lab?” I inquire.

Rotom nods. Ah. Of course. Why would I be free of Team Plasma’s woes? What are the odds? And what in the world are the Pokemon doing here if they were stolen in Unova? It’s quite a distance to travel, as I know that firsthand…

But there is a more pressing matter at hand. “Rotom…” I start to say, then stop myself. No. I shouldn’t ask who its trainer is. I probably wouldn’t know anyhow. I wasn’t exactly on a first-name basis with any of them except for Aldith, who didn’t like me at all. “You can stay with me, if you like. I’ll protect you.”

The Pokemon seems to brighten immediately, both in expression in color, whizzing around and throwing off little bolts of electricity, vivaciously nodding. I don’t need to use the Pokedex to tell how grateful it is. I only wish that I knew how to fix things, to get the poor thing home without having to go back to Unova.

“C’mon. Let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm paying some homage to my username here with Rotom, but since it also happens to be my favorite Pokemon, I don't mind at all. And we all know who has a Rotom aboard the Plasma Frigate. *wink wink* Until next time!


	18. New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Professor Rowan's protocol for deciding suitable trainers differs quite a bit from what Rosa is used to.

“My name is Mei. I’m eighteen years old. I was told to come here by Dr. Estella because apparently you are the overseeing Pokemon professor of this region, and even though I’m starting a bit late, I would like to begin my journey as a Pokemon trainer in Sinnoh. So can you help me, sir?”

The words don’t sound right coming out of my mouth. They sure as hell don’t sound like me, and the professor, a stoic, elderly man named Rowan, sees right through my obvious anxiety, eye twitching slightly after my statement. But it doesn’t matter. I have to be convincing, and that means sticking to my firm belief that Sinnoh is my chance to start anew, even if Unova still exists, hours away, under a blanket of sympathy and disgusting images of N and Touko, and my friends, together, having fun without yours truly. I have to convince myself not to give a damn and this is the first step in achieving that goal.

I had arrived in the town of Twinleaf earlier this morning. It turns out that it is only a short surf away from the route in which I had landed in the region, and nearby, there existed a lake where a supposedly legendary Pokemon resides, according to Dawn. So I took a short swim over on a friendly trainer’s Sharpedo and started walking, stopping only briefly to notate the entrance to the lake I needed to avoid like a plague of Zubat. Oh no. Not this time. I am not dealing with the drama. Of legendaries, of evil teams, of anything. Get it away from me.

 _Hello, my name is Mei and I want to be a normal trainer_ , would’ve been my choice introduction, but the phrasing would’ve definitely raised some questions I didn’t want brought up. However, it looks as though my past may be coming up anyway, since the professor looks exceptionally unenthused.

Rowan is eying up Rotom, who is jumping back and forth behind me in great bursts of electricity through the air, whizzing around my head like a small child on a sugar high. “You were a trainer somewhere though, I presume?” His voice is deep, and the man’s beard reminds me oddly of a cross between Drayden’s and the mustache of a Herdier. He is also noticeably older than any other professor I’d encountered in Unova, even including Cedric Juniper.

“Yes. Unova.” I don’t meet eye contact, but skillfully train my eyes on Rotom and keep my tone steady so he perhaps won’t realize how much I really don’t want to continue this conversation for more than necessary.

I can feel his gaze burning into my forehead, and my hands tense up involuntarily. Dammit. I knew I was bad at lying, but still. It’s just this one simple thing I am asking for. A Pokemon native to Sinnoh to start my journey with is a small request. It doesn’t have to be rare. Just a starting point. I had left all of my other team back in Unova, and even if I hadn’t, their lineup would’ve for sure blown my cover as Champion, so using them here was out of the question.

And maybe I could justify using Rotom, if I wasn’t supposed to be protecting it. Aside from that, it isn’t even my Pokemon, and I’m not so sure the grunts would take kindly to me using their Pokemon to battle my way into a new lifestyle. Rotom deserves to go home. And I should get it there, I should go back home, and I know that, but I can’t.

I had already tried shuffling out to the pier, calling out Zekrom, and forcing myself to board the black dragon, but it was a waste of time. My legs refused to move, my mind wiped itself blank, and my hands were locked to my sides for as long as I considered it. Finally, I was able to unstitch one of my arms and recall Zekrom, but my body had essentially shut down. I’m not ready to go home to Unova, even for a fortnight. The chance of trouble befalling me again…I can’t risk it. 

So at the moment, what exactly I AM going to do with Rotom is a mystery to me. It seems content to simply follow me everywhere, occasionally causing mischief but never showing its face. And I’m okay with that, provided that it will zip behind me whenever there is trouble, so that I can do the one thing I promised to, and keep it safe, not just for Rotom, but for whatever poor person out there is missing it.

Rowan finally sighs, after a prolonged silence where his gaze traced Rotom’s rollercoaster ride around the room. “Unfortunately, I am not in the possession of the research Pokemon at the moment. My assistant, Lucas, has taken them all to a town elsewhere to be distributed.”

In Unova, I would discouraged, if not annoyed by news like this. But traveling in Sinnoh lacks that association for me, and if anything, it relaxes my pent up nerves from their consistently rigid state. I nod, inquiring, “Which town? Will there be any of them left?”

Rowan returns my gesture, turning away and walking to a slim, white computer that has an interactive Pokedex pulled up on it. “One will, yes. However, it could be any of these three.” He points to three, small, clearly defined Pokemon on the screen, each a different color representing its apparent type. Piplup, the water type, is small and round, with a large head and a tiny beak. Chimchar, a fire-type, is a monkey-like creature with a swirl of fire erupting from its lower back. And Turtwig, the last of the trio, is a grass type turtle with a clearly define jaw and small, stubby legs underneath an ovular shell. All of them are equally cute, and I would imagine, equally balanced.

“However,” Rowan continues, stepping in front of the screen to obstruct my view and force my eyes to meet his own, “How I to know of your character…Mei, is it? I do not know you or of your exploits in Unova. For all I know, you could be a member of Team Plasma, or perhaps, one of the Pokemon thieves running around Sinnoh at the moment.”

The mention of Team Plasma in a setting like this almost makes me flinch, but I am able to let only a tiny wince escape my mouth. Rowan’s expression shifts. “Would I be correct in assuming you are of less than noble intentions then?”

“Of course not,” I sputter, both offended and incredulous. While he does have the right to be overly cautious (I should take a page out of his book when selecting my friends this time), he does not have the right to automatically presume I am an ill-mannered delinquent with no sense of identity.

And while I do lack the last part of that, I like to think of myself as a fairly reasonable and upstanding person, which is to explain how I never ended up involved in a poorly functioning organization led by a mad megalomaniac who probably has dementia. 

“I’m plenty a morally conscious person, and Pokemon can sense that. You can see it for yourself. And if you still don’t want to give me one, fine.”

Rowan’s eyebrows knit together for a moment, scrutinizing me heavily. “Very well. Head off to Celestic Town. Search for a young man named Lucas, about your age, average height, black hair. Always wears a scarf. He’s a studious fellow, albeit a bit too naïve. You must understand why I have to ask about what kind of person you are, after Team Galactic.”

“Yes,” I agree graciously. He’s preaching to the choir, but he doesn’t know that, so I let it go.

“Best of luck, Mei.”

He turns and waves me off, and Rotom and I exit the lab to the small, green, sunny town of Twinleaf. Pausing outside the building, I take advantage of the shade to check my newly updated map on the Pokedex to see where I need to go next. It certainly isn’t an ideal situation, having to travel to Celestic Town with no usable Pokemon, but it would have to do, unless someone gifts me one somehow before I make it there. This town though…reminds me of Nuvema, where Touko lives. I had spoken to her mother, the day N and I went searching the P2 Lab. It was the first time I’d ever heard of anyone but N speak of her. And it was also the day that I had begun to fear her return. When I found out she had gone looking for N. And I never told him. I couldn’t tell him, because then things wouldn’t have even lasted as long as they did. 

But maybe I should’ve. Just to save myself some suffering. With one last, long look at the route I need to take, I shove the Pokedex in my jacket and start walking, Rotom zipping around behind me. 

Celestic Town, may you bring me no more memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! You know, to the people that celebrate that. My break is almost over, unfortunately, so I see a two-week hiatus in the future, but this fic WILL get finished. Especially with my inspirations from Sun and Moon. Don't worry, there's no Alola plan for this story, but I did get a cute idea concerning a cross-region ship that might just make itself into a one-shot. It could pop up as my second work. It's a possibility. Have a great week, everybody!~ 
> 
> Also: next chapter features the return of our favorite internet explorer-haired nerd, so tune in for more.


	19. Enemies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can't run away from the past, no matter how hard you try.

By the time I reach Celestic Town, suffering through the dense fog surrounding the mountainous structure that is Mt. Coronet, I have decided wholeheartedly that maybe I am out of shape. Not entirely, of course. It isn’t as though I am wheezing as I crawl through the mountain’s exit, but my legs are aching from the ascent as I emerge, at long last, into a misty wonderland on the east side of the mountain. I can see Celestic Town in the distance, a few dark roofs among an otherwise green landscape, and a smear of several trainers hanging out before it, waiting to ambush travelers with a battle. However, I don’t look like much of a trainer anymore, which has served me well in avoiding others up to this point. And hopefully it will continue to assist me through this last stretch to town, because I’m not so sure my weary legs can take much more walking.

I get by the first few trainers with ease, but then…I’m not expecting the last one, I suppose. Is that even a trainer? I must ask myself before approaching cautiously towards the figure hunched over near the large rock before my destination. “Excuse me?” I inquire. 

What I receive in response is a terrified jump, as though I’ve startled the woman out of her mind. She leaps back, whirling around to face me. Her hair is an electric shade of red, and I can’t help but notice the look of extreme paranoia in her eyes as she gazes at me with heavy apprehension. “What? Are you lost?”

“No. Just wondering what inspires a person to be hunched over, hiding near a rock unless they have sinister intentions.” My tone is nonchalant, almost conversational. I should probably have just let it go and kept walking, but it’s difficult to avoid the automatic compulsion to investigate suspicious people. 

Her expression twists, and it’s a familiar one that shows itself. I had seen it several times, on the Team Plasma grunts. I am further intrigued, especially when she snaps, “It’s none of your business, alright? I’ve just got a lot to deal with.”

Jeez. I hear you there, lady. I make the decision I should have made to begin with, and choose to ignore the situation. Casting her a wary glance, I turn and keep walking, this time clearing the fog and emerging in a large, block of open area where no grassy patches linger, and the houses are in front of me. There isn’t a sound in the air but the occasional passerby breeze. The fog is lesser here, but still present, albeit in a thinner volume.

It’s positively majestic, and I love it.

Granted, I already adored everything about Sinnoh, from the nighttime city of Canalave to the cool, mountain trek up through Coronet. This region lacks the bustle that Unova has to offer, even in its small towns. In Aspertia, people were constantly out and about, chattering like the world would end should they stop talking, always moving on to their never-ending checklist of duties, but Sinnoh isn’t like that at all. Here, the city sleeps, and even in the daytime, there is no such thing as a real, Unovian rush. The sheer tranquility of it all is equal parts astonishing and admirable to me.

I take a few seconds just to breathe in and respect the history the town emits, even if it is only just a speck on the map of what it truly deserves. Something in the air, an aura of sorts, is emitted from the center of town, where the terrain slopes into a slight incline, the mouth of a cave carved into it, where a shrine sits, only a couple steps away. Celestic Town is breathtaking, and I can’t help feeling like this is the region I was meant to explore. No major drama, just adventure. 

The professor was a tad intimidating, but that would be worth it, to live here instead of Unova. To get away from the place that so desperately pushed me out of its limelight after telling me I was the best…yes. That would be ideal. Because in Sinnoh, no one knows of the Champion Rosa, her exploits, and her noble deed of exsanguinating Team Plasma’s attempt at potential world domination, and no one ever will. I want that kind of life, permanently. Because I’m nothing great, and I know that. The fact that everyone thought I was…it was just proof that I was mediocre. No one ever looked at me with that reserve that I can’t help but look at Touko with. That’s what true championship is: other people leering at you with envy rather than congratulating you.

I feel like a child who has received a medal for participation. 

And so, I start making my way towards the middle of town, ignoring the shooting pain with every step I take. The shrine sits in the center of the circular dip in the elevation, but there is nothing identifiable on it, aside from the fact that it is indeed, quite old. 

“Are we there yet?” inquires a monotone, electronic voice that I know is coming from my Pokedex, also known as Rotom’s favorite toy. Not enough time can pass for me to respond before the Pokemon pops out of the device and manages to slip out of my bag, whizzing around behind me to take in the scenery. I don’t protest, not in a secluded place like this. Celestic Town feels safe, even for Sinnoh’s usual serenity, so I figure Rotom will be alright coming out. After Sandgem Town, I had restricted it to staying in the bag unless we were in a verifiably safe environment, at least until I receive my own Pokemon to train. “Tooooom,” it voices, this time in its regular tone, sounding mystified by the vibes Celestic Town gave off.

“I know,” I say quietly, inching towards the cave with wonder. 

But as I reach the entrance, I am not prepared for the force of a person that bolts out and knocks me off my feet. Rotom releases an electrical zzt! and then a force is being lifted off my body slightly. I’m not ready to open my eyes until the mechanical hisses of the Pokemon in the air make themselves heard, and a voice that I know follows.

“Rotom? Is that…you?”

My eyes are slow to add lines to my blurry focus when I open my eyes, and for a second, I am genuinely concerned that I might have a concussion, but it fades within a few moments, as I recall that I am supposed to be protecting the electrical ghost whizzing around above me. “Tom! Rotom!” It sounds happy, I realize, rubbing at my eyes and sitting up, trying to adjust my vision to make out who in the world had just unapologetically knocked me over. My head is ringing, and several moments come and go before I am able to make sense of anything in front of me, even after my eyes come through.

I’m not expecting what I see when my vision finally clears, but maybe I should have. In all honesty, I don’t know what I was expecting, but I do know what I was hoping for, and that was someone that I hadn’t told off and screamed at to be Rotom’s trainer. I can’t quite find the words to speak, as the two are currently engaged in exchanging their cheerful greetings to one another, and I feel guilt pooling in my stomach as the situation sets in. He had traveled all the way here, to Sinnoh to find Rotom, a Pokemon that I’m assuming he himself has had as a companion rather than a research subject, and I had called him heartless.

…I am a terrible person, on top of everything else. Wonderful.

“C…” I can’t quite form the words with my mouth, as I struggle to get back on my feet, but Rotom catches my weakened attempt at speech and zooms over, causing the man with the electric blue swoop of hair to direct his attention to me as well. He hadn’t even recognized me when he had nearly ran me over.

“Toooooom,” it begins, hovering in front of me with concern, glancing back just once before slipping into my pokedex and assuming the monotone voice of the machine. “Are youuuuu okay? Rosa Mei took a fall, huh? Master should be more careful, I think.”

“Rosa?”

Ah. There it is. There’s no way in hell I can meet his eyes. Mine are already stinging with tears at the very idea. I had been horrible to him, and for what? He’s not the only person who contributed to making life in Unova a fiery, neverending highway to hell, but he is certainly the only person I ever yelled at for it. I never called N heartless, or Touko, or even Ghetsis, because he paralyzed me with fear, even as the Shadow Triad escorted him out of the Frost Cavern after he had tried to kill me. But Colress…

I don’t look like myself. My last hope, which hinges entirely on my new appearance, is shredded once he takes a few steps towards me, halting about two feet away. I have to take a deep, shaky breath when I look up and attempt to find his gaze, but as it happens, he won’t meet mine, which only makes me feel that much worse. I’ve screwed up more than I thought. My speech back at the P2 Lab was dumb and unnecessary, even if it was true. I should’ve kept that to myself, just like my feelings like N, and my suspicions about Team Plasma. He probably thinks I hate him, and that isn’t true at all. Even in my deepest throes of anger at that conceited organization, and at Colress in particular, I never truly blamed him, just myself. I never hated him. I’ve never hated another human being up until Touko…and even that is a selfish hatred that is likely just a reflection of my feelings towards myself.

“I-I was protecting Rotom. From Charon. I-I was going to go back to Unova…eventually…” My words come out all at once, in a rush, but of course, it isn’t what I want to say at all. They’re just statements of fact, explanations for why Rotom was in my possession. I need to tell him I’m sorry, yet my lips won’t form around the words.

Yellow eyes meet mine and a pang in my heart causes my entire chest cavity to vibrate for a moment as he replies in a quiet voice devoid of charisma, “Thank you.” Rotom’s very subtle buzzing marks the silence in the conversation after that, as both of us search each other’s faces.

I think I have the words, but Colress speaks first. “I’m sorry. For everything. Team Plasma, leading you on, all of it. You didn’t…I didn’t think it would hurt you so much. In fact, I always thought I was pestering you on your journey. It seemed unfathomable at the time, that you actually had trust in me, and listened to what I was saying—“

“No, I’m sorry,” I cut in, unable to stop myself. Now the words were coming. Full-force, just like the brunt of force that Colress had slammed into me with. “I should’ve never called you heartless. You’re not. Obviously. I was too mean. You did hurt me, but you didn’t deserve for me to yell at you like that. I-I didn’t mean it.”

He blinks at me, adjusting his glasses slightly before responding, “…It’s fine, Rosa. You don’t need to apologize. My actions were reprehensible from a moral standpoint, and I realize that now. But at the time, my research seemed more important, and the opportunity…I thought there was no better chance to further it than by participating in Ghetsis’s schemes. I never meant to deceive you though. I can assure you of that. And so, I would just like to say that I am sincerely sorry.”

Rotom is buzzing between us, an electrical hum beneath the emotions crackling in the air. I can’t manage to feel angry at him, even if I deserved more than an apology, even if I deserved more than the mess that is Team Plasma crashing down on my life and sending my hopes of being an average trainer out of alignment forever. And I know why, immediately, but I loathe to admit it: I am inconsolably lonely here in Sinnoh.

I miss Hugh like hell, with his dumb pseudo-competitive comments and determination to achieve anything. Traveling without him leaves a Quillfish-shaped hole in my chest, one that I’m sure can’t be filled by anyone but him. I can’t think about N, or how much I miss being looked at like I am loved, or Bianca and Cheren, but I can recall missing Colress as well. Going on after the Plasma incident, I traveled without ever intending to consider our relationship, as it had just made me frustrated and angry, but after beating the Elite Four, my feelings began to dissolve. Seeing him pop up out of nowhere with random facts to share was a surprise I missed looking forward to. And Colress…

…He had always looked at me like I was capable of anything, just like Hugh. I don’t understand why. He never knew me half as well, even after the first few times we met, but he consistently met me, blow by blow, with confidence in my ability to “bring out the potential in Pokemon,” whatever that means. Standing eye to eye with him now is making my chest swell up, and I figure that might have something to do with longing for what Unova was like before Team Plasma, of which Colress is arguably not involved in anymore. At least, that is what my brain is choosing to believe.

…As usual, I don’t think before I speak.

“C…Come with me,” I say, firmly meeting Colress’s confused eyes and mustering up all of my courage not to let it waver. I clench my fists at my sides and take a step towards him. “Travel with me through Sinnoh. I could use some company, i-if you’re not busy. A-and if you’re staying of course.” My hands tighten, trying to calm the shakiness shooting through my fingers.

“Rosa…” Colress breathes, sounding in the same type of awe that he used to hold at our battles. He throws his hands in his pockets and leans just a tad forward, examining my expression more carefully. “I would love to. That sounds like an incredible opportunity, and I am honored, but…”

Oh, boy, here it comes. Again, I have to make a note to congratulate myself on my stellar decision-making. I am getting out my mental penpad when he finishes, “…are you certain though? That you want me traveling with you?”

No. That’s the truth. But I can’t back down now, can I? I made this bed, so logically, I should lie down in it. Besides, this isn’t Rosa anymore, right? Mei is a trainer from Sinnoh who doesn’t have the horrors of having dealt with Team Plasma and the fate of Unova in her memory. She isn’t skeptical of travelers, even if they do look rather sketchy, with electric swoops and lab coats. Mei is pre-disaster Rosa. She has a chance to do right by me, and also, incredibly wrong.

I have an opportunity to make the same mistake again, but a strange constriction of vines in my chest tell me that I’m not wrong in this. Instinct, I think to myself bitterly. It’s you again, you useless cretin. When has instinct ever done anything for me?

But I have nothing else to guide this path I am on, so I reply, “Yes. I’m sure.”

Colress’s expression shifts to resemble a child who had just gotten extra helpings of candy on Halloween. He’s rattling off some nonsense about ‘opportunities’ under his breath, but I’m not listening, not really. I’m trying to determine whether or not I have just created another Unovian nightmare in Sinnoh.

 _Maybe if I embrace the chaos…_ I decide _…Maybe then it'll turn out alright._

Because last time, I had resisted Team Plasma through and through, and I had denied them ever being a threat to Unova, which backfired immensely. There is a saying to ‘keep your friends close but your enemies closer.’ Perhaps that is the best way to avoid trouble, where you are close enough to snuff it out.

I can keep an eye on Colress, I figure, even if he doesn’t seem like a threat at the moment. He didn’t seem like one before either, my brain reminds me, ever annoying in its constant need to drudge up the past with extra clumps of guilt and depression.  
I ignore it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it's me. I'm not dead, I promise, although, I'm not sure how true that will be come next week, when exams are over and I am probably laying in a cool, earthy grave I dug myself by not doing enough assignments this semester. To be fair, general education courses are a pain and a half. Winter break is coming though, which means more writing on this story. Unfortunately, I'm at a bit of a loss as to how to proceed. There are a couple different directions I could take with it, but I would like to get busy on it so it is finished before I have to go back to college and it won't get lost among the workload. Additionally, there may be another idea brewing concerning Sun and Moon.


	20. Bleeding Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a flood in the Hoover Dam that is Rosa's mental stability.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my apology for not being able to post for like a week after this. It's a long, long chapter, or so it feels, but a lot happens, so it should be enough to hopefully tie you guys over until I can sit down and get back to work after exams.

Hearthome City is the municipal equivalent of being wrapped up in a warm coat, hot chocolate placed in your hands, and comfortable boots to slide your feet into, except, it exudes that same sort of city attitude that Nimbasa has, but cozier. Walking into town, under the streetlights, lifts my heart up as soon as I step through the gate, and I have to fight to keep myself from floating off the ground. In the dawn, where the sunrise of orange is pouring over the horizon, I feel like dancing.

Things have been…oddly euphoric since Celestic Town. Colress is walking silently beside me when we enter the city, having exhausted all his usual words of science on the journey back down Mt. Coronet. At this point, both of us are barely functioning after the trek, which may contribute to my romanticizing Hearthome, but I don’t mind. It feels like the old days, when I traveled for the sake of an adventure in Unova, but it isn’t. Things feel…different. Like they will be okay.

It isn’t a sensation I have often, if ever, but this time, my body is telling me that maybe there is actually hope in this new region, this new chance to reinvent what my story is supposed to be, and I let myself get absorbed by the idea, if only for a moment. I keep having to remind myself that my past isn’t following me here, excluding the part beside me, and he I can at least keep an eye on.

Speaking of Colress, he is just now rousing from his previous state of slumped silence just as we round the bend to the main street of Hearthome. “It’s different here than I remember. Then again, I suppose a lot can change in a few years.”

Even in my tired state, I find my feet coming to a halt and my mind scrambling to analyze the question just to make sure I wasn’t missing something. No. No. Had Colress just implied that he had been here in Sinnoh before? “A few years?” I inquire, once he also stops and turns behind to see what is keeping me glued to the ground. 

“Yes. Before I came to Unova, I was in Sinnoh for quite some time, actually.”

My lips are pulling themselves up by the edges of their own free will, and suddenly, I’m finding myself rather enthused by the conversation. “Really? How long?” I have to bite my tongue to withhold the other questions from escaping my mouth, lest I overload the poor guy, but I can’t help it. Colress, in Sinnoh? I suppose his hairstyle makes more sense than I thought, if he was here during the bizarre fashion era of Team Galactic. The cool demeanor of his also seemed to match that of many of the residents I had talked to in the region. Actually…could he be…?

Colress sighs, taking a glance at the sun rising from behind Mt. Coronet, then collides gazes with me, mouth upturned at one edge. “From birth, actually. My family lives here in Sinnoh, in Veilstone City. However…it has been…a while, since I’ve seen them…”

His eyes leave mine as he trails off, and a peculiar thought strikes me that maybe Colress isn’t quite as put-together as I thought he was. Did he not get along with his family? Were there issues? Ugh, Rosa, stop, this is none of your business. But I can’t stop myself from wondering, which unfortunately means that either I am desperate for gossip, or that I care about his family situation. Hopefully no one was dead. 

“I…I would love to meet them,” I manage to speak after a moment of hard contemplation. A sharp movement of his electric ahoge out of the corner of my eye tells me that he hadn’t expected me to say something.

“…Are you certain about that? I won’t be one to stop you…however...” Again, he leaves the statement open for interpretation, confirming once and for all that it isn’t a topic he ever planned on bringing up with me. Of course, that makes me all the more interested, but less out of curiosity than out of concern for whatever is affecting him on such a level as to leave words unspoken. If anyone loved to talk, it was Colress, and hearing him say less than the complete anthology of a subject was not only unusual; it is flat-out disturbing.

“However what?” I take a few strides forward, coming within a foot of him, although not even close to meeting his height. “Is something wrong?

As soon as I say the magic words, the anxiety disperses into different directions, and Colress smiles down on me, although his vibes still seem relatively off. I’m not impressed, but I’m too tired to argue at the moment, so I return the gesture half-heartedly, then continuing on towards the Pokemon Center. 

Hearthome is a decisive construction of mahogany, the Pokemon Center marking the left side of town. It is flogged by medium-sized apartment buildings, followed by smaller structures that appear to be condos or town houses, one with the occasional sign out front to indicate that it is in fact a business. Turning right, I see an ominously large dome that defines what must be the center of the city, and later on down, there is a signal alerting trainers that a gym is up ahead. The coziness is starting to fade away, along with my tired euphoria.

What in the world is that building? 

Colress isn’t paying attention to my gawking, but instead, is heading through the entrance of where we could catch a few hours rest before continuing onward. I follow him, passing the glass, sliding doors, and we enter into what looks like the Hearthome-colored, modernist version of a Unovian Pokemon Center. The set-up isn’t too different, but I can’t help feeling surreally out of place, and thus, I find myself trailing after Colress as he approaches the counter, and the nurse shows us to the where travelers are permitted to stay overnight, in a quaint room with red futons and a coffee machine.

My balance is off-kilter as I approach one of the futons and unpack several things I considered vital to sleeping, setting aside a blanket and small pillow case in addition to the empty Pokeball I kept underneath my pillow while I slept. When I had been in Unova, it had been Volcarona, one of the Pokemon I had felt the most close to in the region. The secure feeling of holding her Pokeball in my hand as I slept helped, in the smallest way, especially during the nightmares of Kyurem. 

I freeze all of the sudden, the dawning realization of screwing up slithering over my back like a trio of weightless snakes. Oh no. The nightmares. I hadn’t…well of course I hadn’t told Colress about them. He doesn’t need to know. But they hadn’t been letting up since I had traveled to Sinnoh, and if anything, are consistently four or five every time I settle down to sleep. My body won’t react in panic due to the fatigue from travel, but I know internally that I need to do something. Ideally, not have a nightmare. 

He can’t know how weak I am. I am supposed to be stronger than having nightmares about an incident that passed almost a year ago. I don’t want him to know. He can’t know. It is too much of an admission of personal feeling, and I’m not ready to go down that road with him, considering that I doubt sometimes whether or not the man even is capable of feeling fear or anxiety.

He’s human, I remind myself, zipping up my bag, hands trembling slightly, and spreading out the blanket over the futon, straightening out any uneven spots with extra, nervous precision. I then proceeded to cover the given pillow with the case, slipping the empty Pokeball underneath it. I inhale and exhale slowly. No. It’ll be okay. It’ll be okay.

Not.

I cast a glance at Colress before crawling underneath the blanket, and it takes a few moments for it to sink in that he isn’t wearing his glasses, or even his lab coat at this point. It borders on an out-of-body experience, as I feel my eyelids drooping from lack of rest as I struggle to memorize this Colress, the man underneath the mask of his profession. But I can’t. My consciousness fades into blackness, slowly, as the fatigue finally knocks me out.

__________________________________________________________________

 

It’s different this time. My eyes open to the Frost Cavern, but the stalactites and stalagmites have disappeared. Kyurem is nowhere to be found, and no yellow eyes are boring into me, which would be relieving, except, a worse sight has taken its place. In the middle of the empty, moderately chilly cave I am standing in, is N. And Ghetsis. And Touko.

“He’s nothing but a freak without a human heart!” Ghetsis is speaking, hands wrapped around the throat of his only son, who—dare I say it—looks even more traumatized and broken than I do when I look in the mirror. N is barely resisting, as though he thinks he deserves this, and it feels like an arrow being shot straight through my chest. I struggle to speak, but my lips won’t unglue themselves from their flat line, and my feet are practically stapled to the floor as I attempt prying them from their idle state.

I finally see the resemblance between Touko and me. It is an expression of utter, abject horror, and the paralysis running through her bones as she wants to do something but can’t, because she is frozen to the ground. Even then, she is still beautiful, I think to myself, swallowing a deep lump in my throat. I don’t get time to dwell on it, as she finally unsticks her feet from the ground, and rushes forward, drawing a Pokeball from her belt. Not so much like me after all. 

But then, suddenly, the scenery shifts, as Ghetsis discards N to the ground, roughly, and the boy rolls slightly to the side, coughing. His posture as he lays there is completely still after a few moments, and I am transfixed in terror at the possibility that he could be…is he…dead…?

“Oh, look who else showed up,” Ghetsis interrupts my panicked stare. I rip my eyes from N’s motionless frame to the man, who is now looking directly at me. The fear rippling in my veins spikes as he takes a step forward, pulling out his staff, and planting it firmly in the ground. “The second-best champion. Nothing like the real thing, are you? It will fit for you to have a secondhand death as well, for daring to interfere with my rule of Unova. Foolish, girl. Foolish, foolish, girl. You should have just stayed home.”

The eyes. The eyes have finally appeared, and I don’t need to look to see where. Yellow irises are burning a hole in the center of my back with their intensity. With their suffering. My breathing slows, as my lungs begin to seize up. I-I don’t want to go through this. Not again. No. Please.

I glance at N, but he is still, facing away from me, curled up loosely, with no sign of life emanating from him. “No,” I say, loudly in my mind, but the words coming out as a broken whisper. The ice crystals have made an appearance at this point, lined up around me in a perfect center, daggers pointed inwards as to cause me permanent acupuncture from all angles, and floating as they wait for Ghetsis’s command.

There is silence lingering in the air, as I focus on anything but Ghetsis’s twisted smile, N’s lifeless pose, and my own reflection in the ice shards trained on my flesh. It is simply waiting, I guess. I don’t remember how I got here, or why, but this is it. This is how I die. 

I’m not ready yet. I need more time. What about Hugh and his sister’s Purrloin? Is he okay? N…I have to save him. Please don’t let him be dead. He means so much to me, he can’t…where is Touko when you need her? Why can’t I be her? Strong like that? I’m just Rosa. Weak, weak, little champion Rosa. Hero of ideals? Hero of truth? I’m just picking up the tatters of Unova and holding them in my hands as we all die together. I’m the replacement Touko, the stand-in hero.

And I was going to suffer a secondhand death.

“Kyurem. Glaciate.”

________________________________________________

 

My entire body is trembling when I sit up, eyes wide open, and the room slowly coming into focus. My hands, when I lift them up, aren’t even able to maintain a clear shape as they shake. A weight on the lower end of the futon alerts me to the fact that I am not in fact alone, and a second too late, a tear rolling down one of my cheeks also tells me that I am crying. Wonderful, I think to myself sarcastically.

I would’ve rather died in the dream and never woken up, a negative voice in my head spits, causing a pang in my chest that only deepens when I catch Colress’s expression. It is decidedly unreadable in the dim lighting, but I can tell that he is apprehensive by his stiff posture. I want to say something, anything, but my body is refusing to react properly, so we merely sit in silence for a few moments before he speaks up.

“You are not weak.”

…It wasn’t what I was expecting. I blink a few times, rubbing at my eyes with my unstable hands, before finally inhaling and inquiring, “…H-How much did you hear?”

“All of it.”

I want to escape my body and migrate to the Celestial Tower. I am dead. That’s it. I am officially pronounced deceased. I didn’t want him to hear any of it, and yet he caught all of my existential and emotional crisis over the past year in—I glanced at the clock—five hours. Wonderful. Just…

When is my life going to get better instead of worse?

Colress shifts his position at the foot of the futon a small amount, then locks eyes with mine, rather forcibly. But his gaze is anything but cold, which equal parts surprises and scares me. “Team Plasma is not something I can apologize to you for anymore. It is in the past, and thus, I can do nothing about it. But, it is absolutely unacceptable that you think…that you think these things of yourself.”

I swallow heavily. I really don’t want to have this conversation. He has no idea why I am in Sinnoh at all. Why I left Unova. Why I consider myself weak. Colress always believed too much in me, and this—this destroys me, to have that ideal of his shattered. But unfortunately, I’m not special, or gifted, as he says. 

And at some point, he’ll have to find out anyway.

“I…” I start, unsure of where I should start. Kyurem? N? Touko? There is just so much that is wrong, it is hard to pick a beginning. But it is vain of me to let him keep believing in me. So I have to speak, to tell him everything. And then he will understand. I am just a second-best champion. 

“I…um…” I’m really struggling here, and Colress’s expectant, but patient yellow gaze isn’t aiding me any. In fact, it’s beginning to grate on what little togetherness I have left, which is exactly how, after breaking eye contact and then meeting it once more, I find myself busting out into the waterworks, full force. 

I never thought after that day on Route 40 that I would ever get the chance to see Colress panic again. But sure enough, the time has come again for me to freak out the scientist with my girly reactions, if you can consider crying and falling both girly. Tears are streaming down my face as I blubber nonsensical things that would maybe make a fifth of sense if you omitted half the words, and my hands are shaking in my lap. All the while, he is frozen in fear, which I would happen to find humorous if I didn’t feel like the world was literally about to crush me.

“T-that girl…N…a-and the champions-ship…w-with the…K-Kyurem…e-eyes…I-I can’t….I-I’m s-sorry—“

“Don’t apologize.” His even voice jolts me out of my breakdown for enough time to catch his expression shifting to an adamant one. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Yes, I did!” I argue, intending to yell but my own tears cutting my volume and tone to a straggling attempt at words. “I-I trusted all the wrong people. I made the wrong decisions. I-I just wanted to be a normal trainer, Arceus-damn it. But I-I ended up being anything but. I’m just a big fake, Colress. I-I’m sorry. I know you believe in my potential or whatever, but honestly, I’m just a mess, and you wasted your time evaluating ability that just isn’t there.”

I take a moment to try and collect myself with a few deep breaths in and out before I look up again. The scientist is pensively staring at the blanket, chewing his lip in abstract thought, hands curled tightly into fists. I feel a slight shame for leading him on. Like I’m some great hero. Rosa of Unova? Ha. I’m just a stand-in for Touko. For N and for everyone else, Team Plasma included.

“No. I disagree.”

His nonchalance shocks me. I am unsure of how to respond besides uttering a faint, breathy, “What?” that probably isn’t even audible. 

“You didn’t waste my time. Or anyone else’s. You are special, Rosa.” His eyes flicker to me, and a shiver runs down my spine, through to my toes, sending a vibration through me similar to a cold chill. “I’m sorry if you wanted to be average, but you are never going to be. It’s outside of your basic aptitude. Those are just the facts.”

“H-How would you know?” I stammer, not thinking ahead and realizing that I am in fact talking to a scientist, who works with data about trainers as his lifelong research project. A glint reflects off his glasses as he leans forward, back straightening in the chair. He’s giving me the same look that had sent a wave of electricity through my entire body at the PWT so long ago. I had almost forgotten that feeling.

“How could I not? It is my job to know who is a good trainer, naturally, and who is not. I still have yet to figure out what it is that contributes to your aptitude, and what makes up the formula that defines how powerful your Pokémon turn out, but make no mistake, you are not, by any means average. Nor should you want to be. You have been gifted with the ability to change the outlook on Pokémon training across the whole world, and that is something incredible, that is not to be forsaken.”

“I-I don’t care about the science of it, though, okay? I’m sorry, Colress.” I’m wiping away my tears at this point, trying to avoid the expectant and—is that sympathetic?—look Colress is giving me. I don’t want to see it and break down all over again. I have to be stronger than that. “L-Listen,” I manage, sneaking a glimpse at his expression, which seems adamant, except for the fact that his muscles are too relaxed. “I screwed up. I trusted people I shouldn’t have. I overthought my own worth. I let myself think I was the one people really wanted but…I-I was wrong. It’s not me. It’s someone else.”

I elect not to elaborate any more on Touko for sake of a clarification and argument, but Colress is more perceptive than I remember. As he cocks his head slightly to the side, ahoge bouncing minutely just once, eyebrows knit together in concentration, I think I am safe for just a moment. As usual, I’m wrong. Out of nowhere a second later, staring at my hands with intensity, he says, “I’m assuming you are talking about Touko White.”

My mouth opens to respond, but my throat is suddenly as dry as Route 4, and nothing comes out, so instead, I simply offer a deft nod. “I see,” the scientist states, turning his attention away from me, observing instead the clock behind him, tastefully decorated in a comfy, bookworm shade of mahogany. I too watch the clock.

Two minutes pass before he speaks again. “I find her battle style boring.”

“…Huh?”

That…is not the response I had been expecting. But I’ll take it. Colress tears his sight away from the clock and leans forward a bit more this time, reaching across the bed with a single hand, then changing his mind halfway across and laying it over top of my leg awkwardly as he continues, “She’s predictable. Nothing like you. Rosa. Every time I battled you, you always had a new trick up your sleeve to throw me off. Always something clever to say, some witty move that would throw me off.” He smiles all of the sudden, and releases a short chuckle. It sounds like a genuine laugh, one that makes my heart skip a beat past its already hammering, anxious status. “You are one of a kind, Rosa, both in battling, and it seems, as a person. I don’t know very much about Touko, but I have seen her fight. And there is a method there, straightforward and true, just like the dragon bestowed upon her. She’s predictable. But you are a wild card. I never quite know what to expect. Even now, I can assure you that a mental breakdown was the last thing I ever thought you capable of.”

Okay, wow. Rude much? I puff out my cheeks, annoyed by his last sentence, but behind that, the gears in my head are spinning to analyze what he said. They were…very nice things. I can’t speak to their truth, because I’ve never tried what Colress does, mapping out battle styles and their effectiveness on Pokémon. I’ve never even considered my own potential as a trainer the way he has. But he speaks of me with such…

…confidence.

There it is again. A pit in my gut opens up, tying itself in knots as it struggles not to fall through the black hole that started all of this to begin with. Colress still believes in me, unflinchingly, even after seeing Touko fight, but…some things aren’t about fighting. They’re about appearance, and personality and—Wait. He had said that I was witty. Hadn’t he? That must definitely be a misconception. I’m hardly witty. Maybe a sarcastic, salty trash bag, but not witty. Who in the world was he talking about? It definitely isn’t me.  
Some things are about winning love, and I didn’t ace that competition. In fact, I fell in second best, which is worse than not placing at all, because that was what hurt the most. But I can’t possibly explain that to him. It isn’t logical, and I don’t know that I can trust Colress to understand something that is based in emotion rather than science.

“You are amazing, and your inability to accept that is frankly, concerning, not to mention the nightmares. I am sorry, Rosa. For Team Plasma. You will likely…hopefully…never have to go through something like that again. But, the only way that I see you recovering from them is by believing that you could handle it again.” Again, yellow eyes are trained on mine in intensity, unrelenting in searching for something deeper within my own.

My breaths are shaky as I lean forward, tearing away the blankets and making an impulsive decision to throw myself in his arms. I can’t explain why. Not logically. He catches me, if only by instinct, as his stiffness speaks to the surprise he is suffering, and I wrap my arms firmly around him, burying my face in his shoulder gently, doing my best not to sniffle too much. “Th-thank you,” I choke out, barely audible.

“Rosa?” He asks, voice cracking slightly. Even in my compromised emotional state, I fight an involuntary smirk at how unnerved he sounds at my gesture. It takes a few seconds before I am able to overpower the lump in my throat and speak.

“I-I’m worried I won’t be able to do that. Believe in myself.”

“I believe you can.”

“But what if I can’t?” I ask, another fissure opening in my vocals, lifting my head up slightly to meet his eyes, which are still burning brightly with that same intensity from before.

“You’re still here, aren’t you? You’re alive. Which means you do believe in yourself, even if it is only a small degree. You just need to improve the amount. There is no formula for happiness, but I believe your self-confidence never left, Rosa. You simply buried it underneath of other feelings and documents. All you really need to do is, as they say, ‘snap out of it.’”

As they say. This guy. Honestly.

I burrow my head back in his shoulder, trying not to think about how quickly a jump I have just made in our friendship. Wait. Had I just..?

Friendship. I had said that word. Colress and I were friends. Traveling companions. I didn’t need to overthink it. Everything he needed to know, I had just told him. This has the potential to restore what my life should have been. Potential to restore a friendship that had gone south. It is like traveling down the left fork of the road where the right would have led to Team Plasma. 

M-my name is Rosa. And I am…I am a Pokémon trainer. 

_No one brings out the potential of Pokémon like you do._

I don’t need N’s love, or Unova’s adoration. 

I…I’ll make my own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Home is where the heart is. Y'know. Like Hearthome? ~~I'm sorry, I know I'm terrible.~~ Anywho, the moonring FINALLY begins, as does operation "Rosa finally gets her life together." I'm excited, but unfortunately, an update is gonna have to wait until at least after next week, in the foreseeable future. Good luck with exams, to the people that have them right now! (Myself included) And I will speak to you guys soon. ^^


	21. Bluff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All roads lead to Veilstone City. Apparently.

The temperature drops remarkably fast in our journey onward towards Solaceon Town, but I am picking up the pace that Colress lacks, as he stops to measure the temperature every few yards. Science, he says, or something like that, but I am unable to listen, too caught up with my own swirl of thoughts and emotions to concentrate on the fact that he is being needlessly meticulous over what seems to be functionally nothing. I refuse to dwell on it, even if it would be a welcome distraction from the relentless noise in my head that has been rattling around since we left Hearthome. I can’t walk fast enough, for several reasons, and none of them have anything to do with the oncoming cold into the region. 

I can’t believe I had just thrown my feelings (and myself) on him, with little to no provocation. It was incredibly embarrassing, and I have been steadily avoiding eye contact for the past few hours we’ve been walking, taking my time to brush off anything that might become a serious conversation. I can’t look him in the eye. There’s no way. Even if he was kind about it, I’m sure he thinks I am a basket case now. Which, there isn’t a doubt in my mind that I am, but still. That’s a burden I myself should have to deal with, and I should have not inflicted all of…whatever I’m suffering from…onto him.

Maybe inviting him along had been a mistake, even if my heart does feel slightly lighter now, knowing that I have told someone. That someone else knows. But it isn’t like someone else didn’t before; N had been privy to many episodes of nightmares, but that didn’t last. It never had a chance of lasting, if I had really sat down and thought about it. And Colress knew about more than just the nightmares now; he had received a full treatment of my brand of crazy. I’m surprised he hadn’t bolted as soon as I shed my first tear. That isn’t how I am supposed to be; as a champion, I should be past the point of composed, traveling into the sphere of thoughtful acceptance.

But I didn’t want to be logical. I wanted to think with my heart, not my head, and that’s exactly how I ended up here.

Mei is a sensible trainer, with a good heart, but a better head, which she uses more often than not. I need to become Mei, rather than Rosa, the frail-minded ex-champion of a region she left to rot. Should I have left Unova? Am I really any better? Last night says no, but my heart is urging me on, like there’s some bright future ahead of me.

Unfortunately, my heart is an idiot that has fell on her head twice too many times. Her judgement shouldn’t be trusted, even if it is the easy option. I pause, planting my feet firmly in the muddy path, and turn back to see Colress speed-walking to catch up with me. My hands nestle themselves further in the pockets of the thin jacket I just happened to have in my bag as an emergency, but it does nothing to stifle the chilly effect settling over them. 

I don’t know what to do. All of my noncommittal, bitter head wants to flee this region and return to my miserable existence in Unova, because that is where I am supposed to be, where my duty as a “hero” deems I be. It isn’t the first time the thought crosses my mind, but I wonder briefly if they question my absence. Not Hugh, of course, but Bianca and Cheren. N. Touko. She doesn’t even know who I am. I could see it on her face when I rose from the table and bolted from the restaurant. I’m just a broken face without a name to her. And it’s selfish, all of this, my coming here, telling Colress, it’s all selfish. But I have to wonder…do they think of me at all? Are they concerned?

They should be, a dark voice in the corner of my conscious state whispers, right before Colress finally catches up, stopping sharply enough behind me that he nearly falls forward from acceleration. I try to mask my expression, asking, “Are you done making observations?” The need to add “strangely unnecessary” to the beginning of the noun is eclipsed only by the fact that I think I will cry if he meets my gaze, which he certainly will should I tack a description onto his research.

_It probably does have a purpose_ , I tell myself unconvincingly, as he steps around me to stand in front, scrutinizing me from a closer angle. I automatically step back, as our eyes accidentally meet for a fraction of a second and I avert mine entirely to the side. “Rosa—“ he starts, but I cut him off before he can finish his sentence.

“Are we close to Solaceon Town yet?” The words come out in a rush, as my gaze decides to acutely zoom in on a patch of nearby grass that seems to be glistening with frost. My hands are clenched over my arms, rubbing over the jacket material in a fruitless attempt to warm myself up. The cold puts me on edge. It reminds me of Kyurem, and of Ghetsis, but I don’t want to show that to Colress. I’m not sure that it would make him guilty, but the idea of showing even another moment of weakness in front of this…stranger…makes me uncomfortable.

I had called our relationship “friends,” but that is tentative. I don’t know anything about him, other than that he believes the world of me, and that he is sorry for Team Plasma. He likes science. He lived in Sinnoh. I don’t know why he left, or what he studied in school, or what his first Pokemon was. It isn’t like traveling with Hugh, who I know well enough to know that he would trap me until I told him what was wrong.

I pray that Colress will let it go. Like Iris had let it go at the Pokemon League. Like Hugh had, when Touko returned. Like N had, although, he had let me go, along with this burden I have been carrying. Touko must be so light with her burdens. No trauma there. Ghetsis hadn’t tried to kill her, from what I know. She had never felt the frosty breath of death itself brush her skin.

Colress is digging around in his bag for something when I finally gather the courage to look up. After a few short seconds, during which I am utterly confused, he procures a long, grey object that looks like a coat and brandishes it at me. “I apologize for taking so long. You’re likely quite cold now, with just that thin jacket.” I hesitantly reach out and retrieve the coat, silently slipping it on and giving myself the onceover from the bottom up. I am relieved he let it go. In fact, he changed the subject entirel—

“Now, tell me, were you overthinking just now, Rosa?”

Arceus-dammit. And here I was, thinking I had gotten away with it. Damn Colress, and that scientific perception of his. What had he studied in school? Psychology? Sociology? The guy seemed to know a little bit of everything, and just how to get under your skin with it.

“So what if I was?” I try, taking on a wry voice, but a quick glance at his expression tells me that he doesn’t take the sass as anything other than a distraction, which was exactly its intent. This guy. Damn him.

“If you are embarrassed about being upset, don’t be. Team Plasma has caused you a world of inconvenience that has contributed to creating more problems in your life. You have a right to be upset.”

He’s not wrong. But even so, I should be over it now. I should be able to process things quickly and efficiently, including the slow collapse of my relationship with N. They should not cause me to sporadically pick up and leave my own region in favor of starting over in a quiet place with a false identity. I should be able to stop myself from doing that, but I can’t.

I don’t say anything. Colress continues, “And if this is about being upset in front of me, please, don’t think of it as you being weak. I am happy, actually, that you did. I knew you only as a trainer prior to this, Rosa. But if we are going to be completely honest with one another…I always wanted to know you as a person, as well.”

What…does that mean? I feel my cheeks heat up, and although it isn’t for the same reason that N caused me to blush, a warm mass is spreading across my chest. “W-Why?” I blurt impulsively, staring at him like he has gone mad because honestly— _honestly_ , who would want to get to know me? In my current state? Why has he not changed his mind?!

“Shouldn’t friends know each other as people in addition to knowing one another as trainers?”

Ah. Okay. The intensity in my chest is dissolving as I hear his words, leaving only an odd feeling. He truly wants to be my friend? Still, why? To study my battling style closer? To chronicle my mental breakdown?

I should be able to think of his intentions as being more honorable than that, but after Team Plasma, it is hard to look into those yellow eyes of his without thinking of how they had deceived me once before.

“…I guess,” I mumble, avoiding eye contact. “So are we close to Solaceon Town or not?”

“Uh…” Colress glances around our surroundings, then turning his gaze towards the sky for a second before settling it once more on my own, looking rather sheepish. “I think we passed it, actually.”

“We did what?” I ask in disbelief. How do you pass an entire town without realizing what you have done? How does that even happen? “Well, where are we then?” I continue, trying to sound calm, even though the temperature is biting at my hands and I want to throw my mental state in the nearest body of water and watch it sink to the bottom. 

His mouth twitches, although I doubt that it is a smile he is fighting. “Veilstone City. We’re on the road to Veilstone City.”

A distraction appears! Thankfully.

“Where you grew up?” I inquire quickly, unable to fight the excitement echoing through my body. I am ecstatic to see what kind of place Colress lived most of his life in; was it cheerful and busy, like Aspertia? Slow-moving and calm like Celestic? Or is it a cultural inlet of wonders like Driftveil?

“…Yes.”

Colress definitely isn’t absorbing any of my enthusiasm, and in fact, seems notably more brooding. It is like the two of us have switched emotional states in the course of a few seconds. Now it is my turn to scrutinize him, taking a step forward and standing on the tips of my toes to ask, “Do you not like it? Veilstone?”

“It’s…not that. The city is fine. Just…” He is looking anywhere but at me when he finished, already trudging ahead through the freezing air. “It’s nothing. We should keep moving.” With that simple statement, he turns and begins walking once more, leaving me somehow more frustrated and confused than before. I reluctantly follow, trudging through the weeds and hugging my arms to my chest. It felt like we had been traveling for an eternity; no wonder we had skipped Solaceon Town. 

I try to focus on keeping warm instead of falling back in with my treacherous emotions, and trail the scientist. It works, and a moderate amount of time later, most of which is spent staring at the ground, contemplating in silence what in the world was awaiting me in Veilstone City, we reach the end of the route, Colress halting before the building that stood as a marker between us and our destination. It takes a few steps to catch up, but eventually, I come to stop at his side, peering up at what little I can see of the city ahead. Tall buildings. Grey skies. Achromatic aura. 

I glance at Colress, taking in his expression and latching onto it. He looks pained, as though the idea of entering the gate will return him to a time he would rather not remember. And without thinking, I instantaneously shift into friend mode and reach for his hand, not at all considering the fact that the two of us are really nothing but close acquaintances brought together by circumstance. But I can’t help but want to ease his burden. If I can’t help myself from collapsing into this pit of despair, I should at least be able to help others.

He jumps slightly when our fingers meet, tearing his gaze away from the looming path ahead to look down at them, then at me. I’m expecting to let go when his eyes meet mine, as I have no idea what kind of reaction I’ll get, but surprisingly, I receive a smile and a gentle squeeze to our joined hands, and my gaze remains frozen on his, searching for something—anything—that might tell me what about Veilstone unnerved him so much. 

Colress is nothing like N. He is hard to read, always surprising me. But then, maybe that is because I have such low standards for what he is capable of. I don’t know him, or, for that matter, anything about him, so it is extremely difficult to set a baseline as to where his character falls. In his eyes now, I still can’t see anything directing me towards the source of the anxiety. It’s…frustrating.

Colress is….frustrating, indeed.

“Are you ready to go in?” he inquires, voice steady, as though there had never been a problem to begin with. This only agitates me more, but I am able to force a smile. I can let this go…for sure, yeah…

“Of course! I can’t wait!” I exclaim boldly, taking our still intertwined hands behind me and pulling ahead to the building without warning. Colress releases some sound that sounds like a yelp and “ouch!” as I tug him forward in the direction of Veilstone City. 

…or…

I feel just the tiniest bit of resistance as I further my grip on his hand, which seems to be attempting to separate from mine as much as humanly possible. Oh, no. You’re not getting away that easily. Today is the day that I pull a Hugh.

I am going to call his bluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EXAMS ARE OVER. I am celebrating with a new chapter. Hallelujah.


	22. Nerve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is running away from something.

The city of Veilstone greets us curtly, with the absence of a breeze and the distant ringing of casino reels upon our entrance. Colress has grown stiffer than a corpse in the course of a few seconds, but I wait to deal with that, instead choosing to take in the scenery that is causing him to shut down. The entire town is cloaked in achromatic shades, with hints of deep purple here and there, aside from the electric lights of what looks to be the downtown. Turning left offers a view of a dingy-looking storage building, complete with crates in the large, iron-fenced yard surrounding it, and the right seems to be home to what could potentially be a Pokemon gym, but it is difficult to tell from where we stand. I am reminded very heavily of Virbank, but without the grungy, metallic aura. Veilstone is simply colorless, although the edge of the city isn’t lost on me at least.

The sudden absence of warmth and pressure from my hand distracts me from my sightseeing, as I glance down to find Colress rigidly sticking his hands in the pockets of his coat. His expression is hidden under the blank face that is staring in the direction of the gym, eyes narrowed slightly. Is that where his house was? 

I slip my own hands through the thumbholes of the jacket Colress had given me. They are minutely loose around my hands, and I feel like a child wearing an adult’s clothes because I’m so short, but I like it nonetheless. Not only is it comfy, but it is a gift of sorts, from a man I’m not sure I’m ready to call a friend.

My heart, my ever so troublesome heart, wants to call him a friend, and my head remains undecided, so I make no immediate action to coax him out of his pointed glare towards the gym. In fact, I don’t even get the chance to act at all, for a second later, he is rushing ahead wordlessly, seemingly content to leave me in the dust.

Uh…buddy? I’m still here.

I have to pick up my pace tremendously to match his steps, but I do catch up, even if it is at the cost of my lungs. “Colress,” I manage, yanking on his lab coat as soon as I get close enough and pulling as to prevent him from moving any faster than he already is. “Please slow down.”

This behavior is new, even for me. I’ve dealt with Hugh in similar fits, but I never had to push and prod at him to give me details about what was wrong. If Colress and I were to be friends, the minimum requirement would be honesty, and currently, he is brushing right past that condition with an accelerated power walk. The likelihood of the cliché idea that both of us are running away from our problems is high, but it isn’t an excuse. Everyone is running away from something.

He shouldn’t be following in my footsteps anyway. 

“There is nothing of import in this city, Rosa. We can reach Pastoria soon if we keep wal—“ I gather the rest of my energy that is left after chasing him and leap ahead, darting in front of his taller frame. I hold my arms out defiantly, planting my feet in a Peter Pan stance, and looking him down with what I hope looks like disapproval. He pauses, shifting between expressions faster than I can read them, before once again clamming up under that blank face.

“We aren’t going to be able to make it anywhere if you block the way,” he points out, voice even but sounding vaguely sarcastic. It’s irritating, but I have a high tolerance for this kind of thing, so I am able to simply smile in response.

“That’s true. We aren’t going to Pastoria today though, so it doesn’t really matter.”

Colress’s mouth twitches once, muscles tensed, before he sighs, meeting my gaze for a fraction of an instant as he replies, “There’s nothing to see here. I am afraid I do not see the point in dwelling.”

“Well, I do,” I challenge, taking a bold step forward and standing on my tiptoes to at least try and meet him at eye level. It is an effort wasted, as I am still shamefully short, and him quite the opposite. “I want to visit the department store. And maybe the gym. And, uh, oh yeah, your parents’ house. C’mon. I want to see them. It doesn’t matter if they are weird or not. All parents are.” Not precisely true. Hugh’s mother is one of the most normal people I’ve ever met. But on the other end of the spectrum, there are people like Cedric Juniper, so perhaps I am not off in my thinking.

Another twitch. His façade is beginning to crumble. “No,” he says curtly. 

What nerve, to say no to me when I invited him along. My agitation is washed out though by knowing that Colress wouldn’t normally do something like this. He is hardly a bossy person, which is evident from Team Plasma. Ghetsis had run things. Colress simply worked alone to achieve what he thought was important work. I don’t have much knowledge to back it up, but my gut, the only part of my body I actually trust, tells me that there is a reason why Colress doesn’t want to go home. And I, like the unnecessarily concerned and attached person I am, want to know what it is.

“Why don’t you like it here? Did something bad happen to you? I-I told you about Kyurem, and feeling like I was replaced, and how I ran away from Unova, and my nightmares. It is not fair for you to know about me without me knowing about you. It is a two-way street, you know.”

“It’s different,” he deflects, narrowing his eyes at me, the ice shards within them chillier than the Frost Cavern. I am reminded of Kyurem fleetingly, and I turn away, the sensation of panic and fear crawling up my back. Maybe the two of them are more similar than I thought. Tortured souls trying to live their lives. Who the hell am I kidding? I’m no philosopher, and for that matter, I’m also not much of a good friend either.

I’m just the subject of his research. An example of what can bring out the potential in Pokemon. That’s all.

I clutch at my arms, rubbing the material again. I want to scratch at my skin, to make marks to prove that I am alive. I had, for a while, after the nightmares started. It was unintentional at first, as I scratched as I slept and anxiety ate away at me. But at some point, they came to symbolize my being, and I need to center myself on that again. I’m reaching underneath the layers of fabric to start clawing once more, when the words just start tumbling out.

“It’s not, though. I-I’m going to stay here. Go on ahead if you want. You’ll just be missing out on taking notes for your little research project. I could save you the trouble you know. My potential probably lies in how many mistakes I’ve made.”

They sound more like inane muttering than intelligent speech. The thoughts that had been rattling around my brain the last few days were letting themselves out, and even though I am completely frozen in terror, mentally, because these are my thoughts, and they are supposed to be imprisoned in my head, I can’t stop. 

They are horrible words. I know that they are from the second they leave my head, and when I hear them out loud I cringe, partially because of myself, and partially because Colress has to hear them.

During the eternity of silence that elapses between the end of my escaped thoughts and when Colress reacts, I regret everything. My old adventure. This adventure. Everything. My friends, my travels, my stories. I hate all of it in a single moment, and I really do, genuinely want to die, not for the first time. But I’m too weak for action. I just want to fade away into nothingness, evaporating into Veilstone’s crisp air.

“…It’s because you love very strongly, actually. That is where your potential lies.”

It is barely a whisper spoken, and I am somewhere out in the deep recesses of my personal hell when I feel the refreshing warmth of a hand settle on my shoulder with an easy weight. And I can’t move my arms to protest the gesture, nor unglue my lips from their sewn status for a few moments.

“What’s wrong with me…?” I mumble aimlessly, clenching my fists as they finally unclasp from their magnetic state. “I-I’m sorry. I just…”

“Don’t apologize. I…I was being deliberately difficult. There is a reason why I don’t like it here. I just…didn’t want to face it. But I realize that it is extremely unfair of me to expect you to believe in yourself if I cannot follow it as well. Let’s stay in Veilstone City. We’ll go to the department store, and the gym. And,” he sighs, “the home I grew up in.”

I gingerly push myself away, refusing to meet his gaze, assuming he is even looking at me, if only out of sheer embarrassment. There I go again, throwing my needy, useless self onto people. Way to go, Rosa. Seriously. “You’re also not my research project,” he adds, voice dropping slightly. “I told you before, I would like to know you beyond the level of acquaintances and it is because I am interested in you as a person. And you do deserve that. To have friends. You shouldn’t settle for anything less.”

There he is, showing that relentless confidence in me. I want him to let me go. It’s what everyone else did, and what I want to do, yet he still has this absurd faith that I am worth sticking it out for, no matter what that means. I take a step forward and encircle myself in his lab coat, using my hands to form a curtain around my much smaller frame. It’s childish, but distracting, and thus makes me feel better, even if it is for a moment.

“Tell me what happened here. In Veilstone. Why do you hate it?” I want to change the subject from myself. Anything but my declining mental state. Please. I beg.

“Again, I should clarify that it isn’t the city that bothers me. It is one person in particular, who coincidentally resides within the city who bothers me.” When Colress sighs, I think I’ve finally caught a break. Yellow eyes travel over mine once again, this time without shutting me out. I take a step backward. “That person is my father,” he adds with a note of finality.

“You don’t get along?” I inquire, partially glad that the conversation has shifted from my mental breakdown, partially curious and concerned as to what the relationship between Colress and his father is.

“…not exactly, no.”

Something about his response is so _not_ like Colress that it makes me want to laugh. Genuinely laugh. Like the world can actually be pieced back together inside of me. This is the first time he has ever sounded angry in my presence, excluding the strange reactions he has towards my lack of confidence. Why does Colress believe so much in me? I have to wonder. What did I ever do that was so spectacular? Kyurem? I would be dead if it weren’t for N. But Colress doesn’t know that. Maybe that’s why he has this unyielding positivity about my self-worth.

“I never even knew my dad,” I admit offhandedly, not so much thinking of my words as I say them. He looks to me curiously though, at which point it dawns on me that perhaps I might have actually started revealing bits and pieces of my relatively vanilla upbringing. “He, uh, passed away apparently. When I was little.”

“My very late condolences,” Colress offers, majestically sincere, but I wave him off. It isn’t anything I ever think about, which is probably odd, yet, it just was what it was. I had never known the guy, or had the emotional connection to feel the loss of him. I felt more torn up about winning the Pokemon League than when I thought about my father.

“It sounds like, from your experience, I’m not missing much.”

Colress smiles, but it isn’t one that exudes warmth or content. “It wasn’t always awful. Circumstances caused the eventual breakdown of our relationship, but I fear it was inevitable regardless. There was a conflict of interest, so I can’t foresee that it would have ended happily, no matter the situation.”

I am enthralled by the hints he is leaving, of course, but as per my life, I am interrupted by this train of thought in the usual way: another person. I am about to open my mouth and start to speak—probably nothing but a simple sentiment, but—I don’t get to, because the next thing I know, there is a voice ringing out in the air, louder than I am able to counter, and with far more of a rasp than a young girl like myself could muster.

“Ohoho. Do my eyes deceive me or has the cowardly lion slunk back to his den?” A man declares.

The sharp movement out of the corner of my eye, catching Colress’s sudden stiffness causes me to give him my attention before the babbling stranger. “Colress?” I ask, wavering. I don’t like the look on his face. It’s hard to give a single name to the range of emotions crossing his visage, but if I had to pick one, I would go with “unwanted nostalgia.”

I am tempted to direct my focus on the stranger now, and give him the rear-kicking of a lifetime for a) interrupting my conversation and b) causing Colress to be so stressed out that his feet are frozen to the pavement, before I realize that I don’t have any of my usual Pokemon with me. All that are in my bag are Zekrom and Piplup. And yes, whatever this guy has with him, it will pale in comparison to the hulking legendary, but part of the bliss of being in Sinnoh is the fact that no one knows who I am, a fact that will surely be flushed down the drain if I draw Zekrom and participate in a public fight solely because I’m angry.

“What’s wrong?” The voice continues, vaguely mocking. I’m slightly intrigued, but mostly annoyed by it, even though it isn’t directed towards me. “Too timid to roar now? Did it the s—“

“Shut up, old man,” I bark, outright agitated by his intrusion at this point, and turning to face him. He is tall, coming towards us, much taller than me, with greying blonde hair that fell in outlandish wisps around his face. He doesn’t look terribly old; nothing like Professor Rowan’s age, but certainly older than Professor Juniper. He has an odd stumble in his walk, although he can’t keep his balance. As soon as I speak, his eyes dart to me and narrow. And I know immediately that I should’ve stayed out of it. That color…

“You know, it amazes me how you are able to charm a cute girl into traveling with you on your useless adventures. But tell me, how exactly has that ‘science’ been working out for you…son?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rosa is on the road to recovery in the next chapter. It just comes in a way she isn't expecting. 
> 
> I've had this chapter partially written for days, but I kept erasing and then rewriting everything. I'm still not 100% happy with it, yet, it is definitely an improvement over what I did have, so I'll have to settle. -_- On another note, I do have another fanfiction posted in the Pokemon fandom, drawing inspiration and characters from both Unova and Sun and Moon. It is going to be much shorter than this (a resolve I will definitely hold myself to, since it was never, ever intended to be long.)
> 
> And lastly, I started this fanfiction by saying that there isn't enough moonringshipping on tumblr (or Pixiv for that matter) but incase anyone was wondering what my url was, it is the same as on here: rotomtoms. If you find a blog with lots of Unova and Sinnoh trash and a questionable amount of Team Plasma spam, you're probably in the right place. Have great Christmas, everyone!


	23. Wild Card

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting better is a fight, and fortunately, Rosa finds that she hasn't lost her edge in that area just yet.

My feet act adhesive to the pavement as the man stops before us, hair swinging to a stop as he glances over me, in a way that I can only describe as leery. My eyes narrow. I would spit on him if given the opportunity, simply for looking at me like that. I’m a person, not some object for your visual gratification. I would give him something to look at if he really wanted to keep at it.

“Father,” Colress finally speaks, although his voice lacks its usual enthusiasm. I tear my glare away from the figure before us to give the scientist a onceover. His hands are pocketed in his coat and his back is stiff to the point of worry. If my body weren’t frozen in fear, I would reach out and touch his shoulder or just do something—anything—to let him know that he isn’t alone to deal with this. I’ve never seen Colress like this before, and frankly, I never wanted to. He is trying to fix me, and doesn’t deserve this kind of treatment, even if this man is his father.

“Son! It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Three years, almost? Good times.” He sighs, eyes traveling elsewhere, as though he is lost in another era. They return to Colress shortly, however. “I heard you dropped out of college.”

Wait. What? My gaze automatically flickers to Colress, but he’s not paying attention to me, or even to his father. “It was boring,” He says after a second of silence, tone flat. His back is still as rigid as the stalactites in the Frost Cavern. “I learned everything I needed to in the first year. Not that it is any of your business.” The last part is cold, and unintentionally, the Frost Cavern comparison I made earlier strengthens.

Colress is a lot like Kyurem, I muse. Calculated. Frozen. Those yellow eyes…

“How is it not my business? I was simply trying to keep tabs on my only son,” his father states, feigning offense. Taking yet another step forward—at which point I make a motion to step closer to Colress—leaves him very close when he next looks at me, lacking a predatory aura this time, replacing it instead with condescendence. “You didn’t even mention that you had a girlfriend. She’s a cute little thing, isn’t she? Looks a little young to be traveling with you though. Let her live her life. She doesn’t deserve to be dragged down by your failure to accomplish the path I carefully laid out for you.”

Whoa. That went from zero to sixty in less than a minute. His comment about my being Colress’s girlfriend (what a strange thought) goes ignored in favor of that last biting remark. “Excuse me,” I start in, right as Colress opens his mouth to say something. “But he’s accomplished plenty.” 

The man chuckles. “Like what?”

“He studies how best to bring out the potential of Pokemon,” I manage, trying to keep my voice steady as I stare into those yellow eyes. He reminds me of that day, of the freezing blizzard swirling around me as I thought I was going to die, and it causes my legs to tremble, but I have to at least sound calm if I am going to throw myself into this conversation.

Logic, I remind myself, even if it was my heart that caused me to speak up in the first place. I had to stay logical. Keeping a level head was the best action to take in a situation like this. Especially since I really can’t lose my temper and challenge him to a Pokemon battle without outing myself as the Champion of Unova. Come on Rosa. Stay calm.

It’s hard, when he laughs at my response, as though I’m merely a child making excuses for an adult. “Ahaha. That’s a good one. You’re cute, you know that? A little girl, trying to stand up for my son’s failure to go through with becoming a trainer. He’s a disappointment. The research is just a ploy, honey. It’s just an excuse to not follow in my footsteps because it would’ve been too much work.” 

I narrow my eyes, tightening my hands into fists. It’s one thing for him to not take me seriously. But Colress had almost destroyed the entire Unova region with his research. That is hardly something that should be taken lightly. What had this guy ever even done in his life? Drink himself into a stupor? Some legacy. “Give me your Pokemon,” I say to Colress, mind working as fast as the volume of my heart beating in my ears. 

He doesn’t question me when I look at him, but merely deposits a few Pokeballs in my hands. I have no idea what’s in them. I don’t need to know. All that I can focus on are the eyes of my opponent as he straightens up, still wavering slightly in his walk. It’s obvious now that he has been drinking; what exactly, I don’t know, but it’s irrelevant. Sober or not, I’m determined to make him regret his words. “I would like to battle you,” I start after a deep breath, training my gaze on his. The images of the Frost Cavern, and the resemblance with Kyurem’s eyes are gone. Kyurem was not a beast that wished ill will upon Unova. Kyurem did not choose to be captured, or use its power to freeze the region. Kyurem was, for lack of better words, innocent, in the crimes of Team Plasma. But this man?

He reminds me of Ghetsis now. That’s who I see when I look at this man. Ghetsis, who ruined my life, who threw me into the running for hero, and who ultimately caused my mental breakdown. This man in front was going to suffer as though he were Ghetsis. Because the words he spoke of Colress, sounded just like the greying old man at the head of Team Plasma. They were cruel words. Disappointment. Failure. Freak. Heartless.

I am going to battle him as if he were Ghetsis.

“Ha. Be my guest, little girl. You sure picked a feisty one, Colress.” He steps away from us, drawing an old, scratched Ultra Ball from the pocket of his long, beaten coat and smirks. “You should be warned though, I was a fierce competitor in the Pokemon World Championship. I nearly took the crown for myself.”

I glance at Colress to confirm, but his expression solidifies my resolve in a split second. “Runner-up,” he corrects coldly. “You were a runner-up. Once. And then you traded in your focus sashes for bottles of expensive rum. A relatively unimpressive feat.”

The easygoing atmosphere around his father dissolves and scatters into the air as he drops his grin, throwing his first Pokemon forward into battle. The ball busts open, and with a flare of light reveals Gallade, a psychic-fighting type branch evolution of Kirlia. The Pokemon flexes, as if working out the kinks in its body from being in the ball for so long then flashes Colress and I a triumphant look. The scientist mumbles something incoherent that sounded vaguely like, “Nothing ever changes.”

I make a random choice of the Pokeballs Colress has given me and toss it high, half-eager, half-terrified to see what would come out. When Rotom leaps out, its small form circling the battlefield in electrical rounds, I exhale with relief. I can work with this. Rotom’s electric-ghost typing make it a formidable foe against any fighting type. Gallade does know some damaging moves though, so I need to be careful.

It suddenly occurs to me that this is the first time I’ve formally battled since leaving Unova. The adrenaline coursing through my veins is a new development, but the familiar feeling in my bones, the urge to win, has returned. My lips curve into a grin. I can’t help it. I am unspeakably glad that it had reappeared after all this time. After all, I am gonna need it if I want to beat this…what even is this guy’s name?

Whatever it is, he chooses to make the first move. “Gallade, use Shadow Ball!” He yells, booming even in the open arena that was Veilstone’s side-street. Gallade forms a shadowy blob with its hands and leaps into the sky, throwing it down with a force at Rotom. But I don’t even need to tell Rotom to dodge. It automatically zips to the side and does so with ease, considering its small size and speed.

I decide to take advantage of Gallade’s aerial position and throw my hand out, palm to the battlefield, calling, “Rotom, Ominous Wind! Sweep him right off his feet.” Rotom nods, and immediately takes to whipping up a wind that it directs swiftly upward, catching Gallade on its descent. However, the Pokemon is able to escape fairly easily, fighting off the assault and returning to the other side of the street. 

“I can’t believe you still have that thing after all these years. It was always such a pest.” Colress’s father is speaking, words of no importance to me, until I realize that he is talking about Rotom. The neon ball of energy doesn’t seem fazed, but Colress pushes his glasses up on his nose and takes a step forward.

“We’ll see,” he speaks quietly, light reflecting off his glasses as he glares across the battlefield. “You’re merely stalling, because you know you will lose.”

“So belligerent, as always. You always did think you knew everything.” The man on the other side of the street grumbles, coat whipping behind him as he lunges forward, pointing at Rotom and ordering, “Swords Dance, then follow it up with Night Daze!”

When the second part of the statement passes my ears, I have to react, and quickly. Night Daze will prey on Rotom’s weakness, dark-type, as well as its questionable defense. I don’t know Rotom’s moveset, but I can still strategize. “Paralyze it,” I tell Rotom in a rush. “Thunder Wave.”

Rotom whizzes towards the center of the field, where Gallade is in the process of moving forward, with a swords dance, attack getting fiercer with each movement. It gets a little too near when it emits a shower of sparks that land on Gallade and slow it down. Its trainer is panicking now. “Use Night Daze now! While it’s still close!”

I make a gamble. “Hex! Get back quick! You’ve got this!”

Everything seems to happen so slowly. Gallade reaching forward, arms charging with dark energy and swinging at Rotom. They miss only by an inch, or so it looks, as Rotom also gathers power, sparks flying every which way and releases a series of shadowy waves that hit Gallade forcefully, sending it flying backwards to the pavement. I am staring at the field for a few seconds before I hear a voice behind me whisper, “Unpredictable, as always,” and I whirl around to see Colress smiling at me, some undefinable emotion in his eyes. Rotom materializes beside him without missing a beat.

“Tom! Rotom!”

I turn back to the field and see Gallade being recalled into the tarnished Ultra Ball by its trainer, who looks thoroughly pissed. “It was an off-day,” he sneers. “I was almost the World Champion. I would never lose to a little girl.”

“I’m eighteen, actually. And uh, if you still think I’m a little girl even so, then I guess you did just lose to one. But frankly, you deserve it. You should respect your son.”

“Respect?” He seems incredulous by the suggestion. “I should? He is the insubordinate one. You don’t know the half of it. You’re barely out of the womb, sweetie. You have never stared down death and lived to tell the tale, or became champion of a region. You’ve never entered the Pokemon World Tournament and came in second place, have you? I don’t want to hear advice from a child, thank you very much.” He faces away from Colress and I without so much as another word, and starts to walk—or shall I say stumble—away.

I’m not sure what it is, exactly. If it’s the fact that he calls me “sweetie” or the list of achievements he assumes I haven’t touched…but something in his voice causes my demeanor to change completely.

“I-I have stared down death,” I reply coldly to the back of his tan, ratted outerwear. “I almost died over a year ago. I looked into the eyes of a legendary dragon and fought the sociopath king of the evil organization called Team Plasma.” 

He turns around. I hear Colress shift behind me, taking a step forward, but I straighten up, holding my head high, and the noise stops. I meet those yellow eyes, now blank, without an ounce of fear this time. 

“I won. I defeated not one legendary dragon, but two, and I keep one in my bag as a reminder of that. And then I kept on winning. I went to the Pokemon League and I beat the Elite Four. I defeated the reigning Champion and got crowned. I have competed in the PWT, and no—I didn’t win—but I damn well tried. And I did not do any of it for miserable assholes like you who wallow in self-pity for years and drown their feelings under layers of denial. I did it for me. M-my name is Rosa. I’m the Pokemon League Champion, and the hero of the region. I’m not a child. I’ve been through more than you could imagine. So, tell me, who is really the failure here?”

I don’t bother catching the existential crisis I just caused in the old man’s eyes, pivoting to face the exit of the city. “Let’s go, Colress. You’re right. There is nothing to see here after all.” The scientist joins me on the side, seemingly shellshocked by what I had just said. I grab his hand with a smile and start walking, Rotom whizzing behind us.

I also had no idea what had just happened. But it was good, whatever it was. Is this my recovery? Is it supposed to feel like this? Because I feel…okay. Not great. But the tragedy of Unova seems to have slipped right off my back as I step forward, hand in hand with someone I once thought was my enemy. Rotom is cheerfully offering its commentary as it zips into my Pokedex, sharing opinions on the battle. Colress glances at me curiously, but I don’t have words for him. I merely grin and squeeze his hand as we move forward.

I could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ROSA RECOVERY BEGINS. I'm happy about it. If all I had to write for the rest of the story would be fluff, I would be totally down for that. But, even though that isn't quite in the plans, there is a fair bit of Moonringshipping in the next few chapters. And by fair, I mean a lot of subtle lead-up to the eventual establishment of a relationship. (I have commitment issues though, so don't hold me to that time frame.) Rest assured, its getting good, folks! For Rosa, at least(:


	24. All the Pretty Faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What could be better than shopping in Sunyshore City with someone who was once your sworn enemy? Literally anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, this chapter is written weird and I apologize. The holidays are causing me to dissociate really bad this year for some reason, and it's affecting my ability to write like one solid person instead of some amorphous being floating in the void space with no purpose or real state of consciousness. On the bright side, Rosa is getting better. Sort of.

For the days following the incident in Veilstone City, the adrenaline rushes through my veins and invigorates me to care again, but it is short-lived. When we arrive in Sunyshore, I am reminded of Unova’s own Nimbasa City, and consequentially, N and Touko, and that damned Ferris wheel he cherished so much, and in an instant, all the confidence I gained from challenging and wiping up the floor with Colress’s father—whose name I learn is Cal—evaporates. Girls walk to and fro from peppy summer shops, and the cold has fluttered away into the atmosphere as they flaunt their perfectly painted toes and tanned legs. It makes me, a person who has always felt uncomfortable in their own skin, sick to my stomach, and it shows when Colress makes a completely innocuous suggestion that we should go shopping for clothes that perhaps were not the forty pound muffler and fat, Zinzolin coat combo. 

He doesn’t mean to upset me. I know he doesn’t. But it’s hard, watching everyone come and go with their pretty faces, in a city that looks like a Sinnoh remix of the one where N dropped my heart and shattered it into glass shards for Touko. It’s difficult to conceal the fact that I am—pardon the pun—losing my cool. This is one battle Colress can’t fight with me. I know I’m a good trainer. That was never in question. Maybe my potential as one, sure, but I am trying to see what he does when he looks at me in the heat of a fight, and for the most part, it had been working. But this is a completely separate insecurity from my broken person, one that doesn’t have irrefutable proof to contradict it. Beauty is in the eye of beholder, and as I stand in the dressing room, wearing nothing but a bra and underwear, I don’t see a beautiful, or even remotely cute girl.

I see every flaw in my face when I look in the mirror. I think about Opelucid City, when I nearly died the first time from Team Plasma, involuntarily, but strangely, the memory doesn’t trigger any panicked reactions at all. I just feel…numb. Cocking my head to side, hair shifting position outside of their buns, I can’t see what anyone would see in me, aesthetically. I am average at best, and even that is a maybe. I’m a five/ten on a good day. A good day. And rest assured, I haven’t had a good day in…

…three years, pretty much. Wait. What is today? I frantically reach for my Xtransceiver, which, although functionally useless in Sinnoh, still serves a purpose as a digital calendar, and scroll to today’s date and inhale sharply. I exhale a second later, when I hear a knock on the door and a voice ask, “Ma’am? Is everything okay?”

The device almost tumbles from my grip, but thankfully, Rotom whizzes out from the Pokedex it apparently had been inhibiting and catches it, using its ability to keep the screen from colliding with the cold tile. “Yikes,” it says, and I agree in sincerity, not so much about the Xtransceiver as about what I had just realized.

Today is my birthday. I will turn nineteen, with the candles on the cake and everything, or at least, I normally would. And it makes my heart ache, because I forgot about it, and normally, I celebrate day to night with my family (mom) and friend(s)(Hugh). I didn’t think I would miss Unova at all, but it has been coming back ever since Veilstone, especially concerning Hugh and my mom, and today just makes it all the worse. They are the only two I truly miss, and I think…despite my earlier convictions…that they miss me too. My mom, for sure. Hugh…I hope.

We were best friends for years, after all.

But. Onto more pressing matters: Colress cannot know of this. I’ve dumped enough of my pointless burdens on him, and this shopping disaster is by itself enough. It’s fine, after all. I’m an adult now. I don’t need to celebrate my birthday. I’m just getting older, and I do that every day, regardless of the date of my actual birth. 

“Rosa?” It’s Colress outside this time. The tonality of his voice, however, is slightly worrisome. This entire outing is ridiculous in every capacity, and if I weren’t busy being stressed out by the fact that I turned nineteen today and I still hate myself, I would just be laughing, nonstop, through all of it, because honestly—Colress and I look completely absurd compared to everyone else in Sunyshore, who are all tanned, beach-bodied beauties. 

This is, not of course, to say that Colress is not attractive. I had never paid particular attention to his aesthetic charm until that day outside the PWT, but he is a handsome, albeit strange man, especially standing by the sea, wind threatening to sweep that ahoge around his face, full circle. I almost snort at the thought of that such thing happening, unintentionally, but I stifle it at the last second as I reply.

“Yes?” Crap. My voice wavers. 

“I couldn’t help but notice that you didn’t bring any clothes in there with you. Surely you must realize it is impractical to dress for Icirrus City when it is always summer here in Sunyshore?”

Dammit. Ugh. I thought I had been smooth at drifting away from him in the accessories department, yelling across the store that I was going to a dressing room and then ducking in one before being able to internally scream even nastier things at myself as I looked at clothes that would obviously look beautiful on someone who isn’t me. I loathe shopping anymore for this precise reason. The model my brain has in mind is Touko too, of course, as if there isn’t already enough salt in my wounds.

“There was nothing I saw that I liked.” It sounds like something a normal person would say. And Colress needs to think I’m normal in this regard, because ultimately, how many more issues of mine can this poor guy deal with before deciding that traveling with me is more a chore than an adventure? He doesn’t deserve this. I’m inconsolable sometimes, and it physically pains me that he can’t help even though he obviously wants to. 

He is a kind person. Not heartless at all. Dear past-Rosa: wait before yelling at him. Wait until he actually deserves it. He doesn’t, yet. I promise.

“I would find that easier to believe if I didn’t see how you looked longingly at the dress in the display window outside.”

I hate how abrupt and right he is. It’s infuriating. The only other person who has ever been this observant about my behavior before is Hugh, and he knew me for years. If there was any doubt about Colress being good at studying, it’s gone now. The man seems to know me like a book. It’s awful.

Aggravated, I pull back the curtain just enough to poke my head outside. Colress is standing by a nearby rack of discounted jackets that resemble different pokemon fur patterns, already changed into what I’m assuming he is planning on wearing while we are in Sunyshore. It’s simplistic; a button-down shirt with ¾ sleeves, and a vest that matches his general color scheme of achromatic with blue, light fabric. His pants are barely different than before, but I still note the subtle difference. “What’s your point?” I hiss, attempting to rein in my hostility but failing.

The effort wasn’t needed. Colress is unfazed. “I am not an expert on women’s clothing, and this is my first time being acquainted with it, but I believe they have every size available in the dress you were looking at. I asked one of the employees. She said she is more than happy to fetch whatever you need.”

“I-it’s not about the dress,” I mumble. “It’s nothing you can help with it. But thank you.”

“What is it about, then? If I may ask?” Yellow eyes flicker to me and an uncomfortable, foreign feeling runs down my spine. It’s…odd…

He’s pushing, and I feel cold and edgy in the cramped dressing room, not wearing anything but the necessities. He asked for it, I rationalize quickly, before my brain can kick in, screaming, _Rosa no! Stop!_ “I-it’s me. In general. Not the dress, or anything else. I just don’t look good in anything. Sorry for putting you through any trouble, Colress. We can go now.”

I move to shut the curtain but his hand whips out and halts me, wrapping firmly around my wrist. “Wait. Forgive me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like you are saying that you don’t think you’re aesthetically pleasing. And no, we’re not going yet.”

I’m not sure which part of what’s going on I should address first: all of it is making me uncomfortable, from Colress’s uncertainly close proximity to my exposed frame, to his phrasing of “aesthetically pleasing.” Sometimes, I forget that he isn’t Hugh, and he doesn’t know me as well as Hugh does, which means ‘no touching of skin-to-skin.’ Inadvertently, I recall N, and the actions we had shared once upon a time that violated this rule, as any relationship usually does. It does anything but help me as I swallow heavily, trying hard not to look like I want to implode. 

“Uh…I don’t want to have this conversation.” Wow. What an intelligent statement, brain. I try to pull my wrist back inwards, but Colress’s grip doesn’t slacken even slightly, and if anything, clenches more securely. I do notice though, that he isn’t crossing the boundary though with excessive force, which I appreciate for sake of my pale skin that will certainly show if he holds too hard.

“Rosa.”

I don’t want to meet his eyes. I really, passionately don’t want to. But eventually, I run out of other places to look while I attempt to restrain the oncoming tears threatening to flood my eyes and am forced to come eye-to-eye with yellow irises that shoot straight through my soul like a dagger piercing my chest. “…Y-yes?” I manage, putting every last ditch effort into trying to sound bold. 

“You’re…” he starts, then suddenly releases my wrist and takes a few steps away, turning towards the coat rack and mumbling something. I am left completely mystified, but my body is responding enough at this point so that I can slip my clothes back on and grab my bag, sweeping the curtain and walking out to stand behind him.

“I’m what? Pathetic? Yeah. I know. It’s silly, to be so worked up over—“

“...Radiant.” He turns slightly, hesitantly catching my expression. “May I share something with you? As…friends?” His apprehension only heightens my confusion and growing concern.

“…Sure.” I’m interested to see where this is going, enough that I momentarily forget about my Xtransceiver calendar and my own reflection in the mirror. Colress isn’t a forthcoming person. Even after Veilstone, he still refused to elaborate much on his father, and I haven’t pushed since, considering the battle between Cal and I spoke for itself as to the man’s character. But this, for him to willingly reveal information to me? I feel…important. I almost feel special. 

“I…um…” It’s now his turn to avoid looking at me, as though our eyes meeting would mean certain death for science itself. Another glance catches my gaze for a glimpse of a second. “I don’t want this to alter our friendship in any way but—“

“Colress, come on. Out with it. Tell me.” I’m genuinely terrified at this point. What in the world is going on? What is he saying? It’s very serious to preclude a statement with something like that! 

After a few moments of silence comes and go, he finally meets my eyes with resolve. “I have something to confess to you.”


	25. Glasses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The lens through which you view the world makes all the difference.

“The first thing I ever noticed about you had nothing to do with your battle style.”

_Arceus._ Oh jeez. He really had me going for a second. I exhale, raising my hand to wave him off, as whatever he’s saying about me is probably unimportant, but he talks right through me, taking what I thought was the end of his cryptic statement as a cue to, for the first time, expand on what he meant by it. He starts by taking a step towards me and reaching outwards for my hands. 

“It was your eyes, actually. When I spotted you in battle with the Plasma grunts, you looked extremely determined to succeed, and immediately, I admired that. But then, after the battle…when we encountered one another in the Castelia Sewers…” He trails off, eyes squinting for a sec, as though deciding on the wording he is about to use. Finally, he shuts them and lifts his hands to rub at them, pulling at the skin slightly and finally conceding, “My initial thought when I met you for the first time was that you were the most beautiful girl I’d seen in Unova.”

…Is this a joke? This has to be a joke…right?

Well, if it is, I’m not laughing. In fact, I’m offended that he thinks this brand of idiotic humor is amusing to me. I’m anything but entertained. More like embarrassed and ashamed. I clench my fists and step forward, ready to pummel him for making fun of me like this, but he immediately steps back, probably on instinct, and keeps babbling.

“My life post-college was trying to find something to prove to my father that my studies were not useless even though I had decided not to continue past my second year. And I couldn’t believe it, when I saw you battle. Here you were, standing right in front of me, smiling, with the prettiest face I’d ever seen. A perfect example for my research, and she was a cheerful young girl from Aspertia City who would go on to defeat Team Plasma and even me. You surpassed me in every way, Rosa. And in case you were wondering about it, or if you ever have doubts about it, you are aesthetically gifted. Anyone with eyes would feel lucky for you to look twice at them with a passing glance.”

_…Who is this…person…?_ I abandon the anger and embarrassment I am feeling in favor of plain, unadulterated awe at these…normal, sentimental words coming out of Colress’s mouth. Surely this is a dream. For one thing, he can’t be serious. And for another, what happened to his academic terminology? _Who is this person? Where is Colress?_

“Who are you?” I ask accidentally, but the alarm I get from his expression in turn is enough to take me aback yet again. “You can’t be Colress. He’s never said a word about pretty girls in my presence. C-Certainly not me. He wouldn’t--” I move to say something, but then a thought strikes me and I stop immediately.

It would make sense, actually. What he’s saying. Even though I initially found it completely unbelievable and borderline offensive, it would make perfect sense considering the incidents at Hearthome City and on Route 22 so long ago, that Colress thought that I was…

…‘Beautiful.’

My face heats up at the very word. I’m 100% certain that my face looks like a volcano that’s about to erupt splotchy patches of red all over my skin when I finally gather up the courage to meet yellow eyes that are watching me with—is that dread? I move for confusion, even though the warmth in my chest caused by his admission is spreading like a malignant infection. “I-I…u-um…”

“I apologize. I realize this must make you uncomfortable.” He nods, avoiding direct contact with my expression. “You deserve to know, though, that you are quite pretty, Rosa. And I’m certain that I’m not the only one who thinks so.” He averts his attention to the nearest exit, which is fairly close from where we stand and I feel a wave of panic run through me. I know what he is doing, before he even says, “I can understand if you don’t wish to travel with me any longer, so I will go ahead and do myself the honors of showing myself o—“

My grip on his wrists functions as an Arena Trap from the moment I spring forward and attach them there firmly. “No. Please don’t go.” I meet his eyes with confidence this time. “It doesn’t make me uncomfortable. I just…do…do you really think that? I-I’ve always thought I was…barely average. Maybe a little below, to be honest.”

I’m unfathomably happy that he meets my gaze with a squint of incredulity. “Of course I do. If you recall correctly, you’ll find that I’ve never lied to you, even about Team Plasma. I simply omitted my involvement with them from my conversations with you.”

Normally, I would roast him for that statement, but instead, I let it go and smile. The warm feeling has settled into the sensation of a blanket being thrown over my shoulders in the cold wintertime, and a book and hot chocolate handed to me for my pleasure. I’m…happy. Not uncomfortable. I like that he thinks I’m pretty.

Regardless of whether or not I am. But it would take someone else acknowledging the possibility for me to start considering the idea at all so that I know I’m not just stuck inside my own head. But still. Even now, as I tear my attention away to catch my reflection in the mirror stuck between the two dressing rooms available for use, I don’t see someone who deserves that title. It would take more than Colress saying so to make me believe it. Way more. 

Fortunately, I have an idea about what may help.

“I-I want to look different, though. I’m not the same person I was three years ago, so maybe that’s why I can’t see this person being me. That Rosa…she died in the Frost Cavern when Ghetsis ordered her killed.” I hesitantly sneak a look at Colress, who is watching me with interest. What is it he sees? Besides my eyes? I can’t move past this idea that I’m just…average-looking. “I-I think I’m gonna get the dress. But then…would it be alright we went to the hair salon? I mean, you don’t have to come, obviously, but I—“

“No, I would love to. It sounds fascinating. I’ve actually never been in one before.”

What..? But then how does he maintain that crazy ahoge of his? Is that blue natural?! No way. It was the same color as one I’d seen before, and even that looked unusual on the person who wore it. Who was that…? Who was…Estella! Right! Her eyes! Actually, she—

…Colress was the person she had reminded me of, with the glasses and academic disposition. How odd, that it has taken me this long to piece this together. Where in the world is my mind? Besides maybe laying in a gutter in Unova, somewhere. 

I make a split-second decision. The only decisions I ever make. “And I think, I want to get glasses too. They’re cool. Plus, it might be just the change I need without opting for cosmetic surgery.” I’m merely joking, but Colress seems concerned by the jest. 

“Cosmetic surgery is unnecessary and dangerous. I would highly recommend that you do not undergo it.” He straightens up, fiddling with the buttons on his shirt as though searching for a distraction. My lips twist upwards at one end, amused with his discontent. “Especially since you don’t require it to be attractive.”

He’s changing terminology this time, and it piques my interest. Does Colress have a crush on me? No, probably not. That seems too surreal to be true in any universe. The two of us were so very different, and he has the pick of the lot of Unova to choose from, so why pick me? Even if he finds me, for some odd reason, pretty, that isn’t everything. Although, considering his stance on my other qualities…

“I was just kidding about surgery. I agree. It’s too dangerous. I don’t even trust myself. I definitely don’t trust some hack doctor with a knife telling me he’ll fix my face. But I do want glasses. I think it would suit a new Sinnoh look.”

“Glasses? Are you sure? They get dirty very easily.” Colress removes his as if for emphasis, dabbing at them with a cleaning cloth in his pocket. Seeing as they are in an obtainable height frame for the first time when I can take them, I use the opportunity to snatch them away and slide them on my nose. They are loose-fitting, but the goal is fulfilled at the cost of my ability to see.

The whole world is blurry, a painting of abstract intent with all the tints of the department store and the scientist. “Colress, you’re blind.”

But strangely, it’s gorgeous, to see the world like this, even if it makes my head hurt slightly. The way the colors all blurred together, lineless and without boundaries as they faded into each other’s various hues. It seems so chaotic and messy, but pretty. Is this what Colress sees when he looks at me? A beautiful mess?

“Not quite, but good guess.” Gentle fingers slide them off my nose and the scene before me shifts to include definition and sharpness in its vision. It certainly is a change. Not just physically, but mentally. I had always looked at the world like this: under a lens, as though messing up would permanently maim me in the eyes of others, and I would have no chance at redeeming myself.

But this cruel world, it had had it out for me since I started my Pokemon journey. The moment I stepped out of Aspertia City, my fate had been determined. I was doomed to not measure up to the standards of those who held me like a stand-in for Touko. And all of the sudden, as I close my eyes and think about the messy painting my life has been, I know that I shouldn’t feel guilty. I have nothing to be sorry for, except maybe bolting out of Nimbasa. 

I don’t have to apologize for not being her. I just need to be me; Rosa; not Mei, or anyone else. And whether or not I put on a dress, or glasses, or change my hair, I am still me, and that won’t change no matter what. And it’s fine. I don’t need to be someone else. Especially Touko. She can kiss my ass. Her and N both. I’m nothing like her. I’m a completely separate person, and the fact that anyone could ever blur the lines is disgusting. I feel like springing from the store, with the way my blood is boiling at the thought of the way N used to look at me, and how Cheren and Bianca would act towards me sometimes, when I won a fight, or turned in a certain direction.

I whirl around as though there is fire nipping at my heels, and steer myself in the direction of the dress I had seen in the window of the store. With only a quick glance at the size, and not even a glimpse at the price, I yank it from the hanger and take it to the counter and throw it down, then pulling out my wallet and tossing a large bill down and walking away, ignoring the calls of the cashier, who concernedly states that I will have leftovers from the payment and what to do with them. 

Nostalgia. Like looking at an old photo and missing someone. That’s how he looked at me. And I hate it all in a single moment, loathe it, and him, with feeling, but strangely, I don’t regret it, even though my stomach is in rows and my fists are pure white at my sides. None of them had ever loved me. And Unova? I have no idea whether Unova ever did or not, but it doesn’t matter, not anymore. 

I have to love me before anyone else can even try to. 

I walk back to Colress, who is standing by the exit, watching me warily, but with barely concealed unease at my state of mind. I meet him with a smile and reach for his hand, which he offers without any resistance, still inspecting me with apprehension and worry evident in his gaze. The only action I am able to give in response is a squeeze on our intertwined hands. I don’t care about Unova. I don’t care about any of them. 

They don’t deserve my agonizing over them. And I can’t believe it took just a small, simple second realize how futile it was to be hung up over the region I used to call my home. When we walk out into the sunny, summer atmosphere of Sunyshore, I am able to let it all go. Finally. 

This is my life. Not theirs. And I’ll be damned if I ever let someone, or something, convince me I’m worth nothing again.


	26. Deserving

After a fair amount of sight-seeing and sunburns in the city of Sunyshore, Colress and I depart early on the next ship bounded for the frozen upper tip of the Sinnoh region, appropriately named Snowpoint City. The chilly wind slices past my face when I rise to the deck, and my hair whips around wildly, although the effect has been greatly decreased since I chopped some of it off. It still feels odd, when I reach to tug at a strand and it isn’t there anymore. Despite the fact that I didn’t get more than a few dead ends trimmed off, it shows in my appearance. I look like a different girl when I see myself in the mirror now. 

A few minutes into my staring aimlessly at the sea, I hear some footsteps sneak up behind me and a voice interrupt, “Hey. You look like a strong trainer. Wanna fight?” I turn to see a guy with blond, horseshoe-shaped hair holding a cocky position with a Pokeball in hand. His foot is consistently, almost manically, tapping the floorboards, as though he is ready to run a mile. And strangely, he reminds me of Hugh with that, during the Team Plasma ordeal where he chased them all across Unova to retrieve his sister’s Purrloin. My heart swells up somewhat painfully at the thought. 

I straighten up and remove the Pokeball containing Prinplup from my belt. It had evolved from Piplup after some intense rounds fighting beach trainers, into a somewhat larger version of its first evolution. But I still have no other Pokemon besides this, excluding Zekrom, because revealing my identity is not in the cards right now while I am on this so-called journey of self-discovery, so I’ll have to give it my best shot with this guy. “Is one-on-one alright?” I inquire, innocently enough.

“Sure, sure, yeah, but come on! Let’s get this show on the road! Any longer and I’ll fine you a million dollars!”

I stop. Wait. That phrase sounds so familiar. Who had said that to me? It was someone here in the Sinnoh region. Ah. Right. Kari had mentioned that her best friend, the one she had feelings for, oftentimes threatened to fine her that exact sum for turning up late to his overly caffeinated appearances. That must mean that this is…?

“Are you Barry, by any chance?”

“Ah! My reputation precedes me! I only wish I knew your name so that we could be considered even.” He plants his hands on his hips and shoots me a confident look, foot still relentlessly slapping against the wood floors of the deck. I can see why Kari likes him; he’s like a more obnoxious version of Hugh. I offer a small smile in return.

“My name is R—Mei. My name is Mei.”

Oops. That could have gone badly. Barry offers his hand eagerly, taking my post-introduction panic as a cue to go ahead and shake mine. I nod minutely, avoiding his eyes as my heart rate slows to a respectful pace again. “Kari told me about you.”

“Whoa, really?” He is shocked for a 64th of a second, but it is gone and replaced with a sheepish expression and slight blush almost immediately. “I guess I’m not that surprised. Kari is the coolest, isn’t she? I’m really happy to be her friend. She’s honestly the best.”

I can’t fight the smile that keeps tugging at my lips as I watch him during his statement. _Oh, Kari. You don’t need to worry at all about what he thinks of you. It’s quite obvious._ Barry has the same expression on his face when he speaks of her that N had whenever speaking of Touko. And the hindsight still stings, but if I can use it to help her, then it is worth it. Kari deserves to be happy. Everyone does, fundamentally.

Except Ghetsis. He can go screw himself. 

Just then, a loud foghorn blazes across the air, announcing our stop. The cold creeps in as soon as the ship drifts to a stop, swishing backwards for a second before settling, and the goosebumps travel up my arms and wrap themselves round them like uncomfortable, bumpy sleeves. I rub at them with pressure, as a huge smile erupts across Barry’s energetic face. “Awesome. Hey, if you’re going to be around, we should definitely have a battle at some point. Maybe when you have your whole team, if possible. I would love to battle you at full power, since you must be so strong, knowing Kari and all. Not all people get the luxury of knowing the Sinnoh region Champion. Anywho, it was nice!”

He disappears before I am able to form a coherent mental response to his statement. Had he just…? Kari is the champion of Sinnoh?! What?! She didn’t mention anything about that! And her life seems so normal! Nothing like mine when I was champion!

_You are still champion_ , a voice reminds me. It sounds like N’s, which automatically fills me with the urge to quash it, but thankfully, it has no more commentary following that statement. Footsteps approach from behind, light but still present, and I feel a jacket being draped over my shoulders. “I would recommend bundling up. It is quite cold here.” Colress steps ahead of me, turning and meeting my eyes with a keen, calculated glint. “Are you ready to go?”

“Sure.” I am still reeling from Barry’s implication as I follow Colress in trekking out into the extremely blizzard-like conditions that made up the Snowpoint City harbor. The blistering winter winds threaten to sweep me off my feet with their sheer, biting force, so I try to stand behind the scientist’s much taller frame, trying to ground my mind back in reality again before we enter the city and my attention is required. 

It is difficult to see anything as we walk, and the cold creeping up on my back does nothing to help, as it simply reminds me of the Frost Cavern times twenty. When I close my eyes and the echo of “glaciate!” rattles around my conscience, I don’t hesitate to snap out my wrist and grab Colress’s hand. It jolts him slightly, as it does every time, like he isn’t used to the sensation, which only causes my grip to strengthen in protest.

I want to encircle myself in his lab coat, but I falter in asking, because it feels oddly intimate, and ever since Sunyshore, Colress seems to have taken two steps back in our relationship, which equally disheartens and concerns me. I don’t want him to distance himself from me. That’s how I lost everyone else; distance and then to Touko. And I swear to Arceus, I swear, if I lose yet another person to Touko, who seems to be the post-Rosa finish line…

I don’t know what I’ll do, but it won’t be pretty. 

Our surroundings seem to have changed from the vaguely urban snowy expanse to a blanket of white littered with trees and frost-covered grass, where Pokemon lay. “I thought you said we were going to Snowpoint,” I say, not quite questioning, but implying wholeheartedly that there is indeed a question in the statement.

“We will. I want you to see something first.”

And so we keep walking, inconveniently, uphill. I feel the winds pushing me back, but this time, Colress is the one standing firm on our intertwined grip, using body strength I am surprised he has to tug me up through the snow. As I look around, the illusion of the Frost Cavern seems to be melting away into the same, dull, snowy scenery that I could easily get lost in if left alone.

At last, Colress comes to a stop, and I have to rub my eyes a few times to make sure I’m not seeing things, but my first glimpse of the lake does not betray me. We are, in fact, at the forefront of a large body of beautiful, clear water that barely ripples as the snowflakes fleetingly float to the surface and lay themselves to rest in its reflection. It’s positively radiant, and the memories of Kyurem and Ghetsis fade away in an instant as I turn to Colress with a grin and exclaim, “This is amazing. What is this place?”

“Lake Acuity. Home of the legendary being of knowledge, Uxie.” Colress tucks his hands in the pockets of his coat, casting me a satisfied halfway-smirk. The electric blue swoop atop his head is gathering flakes of snow, weighing it down with a slight droop with the extra water.

I take a few steps toward the lakefront, then turn and face the ex-Plasma scientist. “This is just…” There aren’t words to describe what I want to say to him, exactly. How I want to say thank you. Not for this, specifically, but for everything. I smile, walking to stand in front of him, and taking the lapels of his coat and gently smoothing them out. As small a gesture as it is, I find that it is just the distraction I need to get my mind in order. “Thank you. For all of this. Traveling with me. Showing me that I am worth the air I breathe. I really appreciate it.”

“I-It’s no problem, Rosa,” he replies, stammering slightly. It only makes me want to laugh at how nervous he sounds, as though this is a situation that can be messed up by how he chooses to respond. “I enjoyed traveling with you,” he adds in a quiet voice a moment later, looking at me with an expression I can’t quite place before averting his eyes.

“If it weren’t for you, I’m not sure I would be here.” The words just spring from my mind before I get the chance to restrain them in their locked box, and I immediately start panicking, because I see the confusion registering in his gaze, then understanding, followed by concern.

“I disagree. I stand by my argument that you have always been strong, Rosa. You just let Touko get to you, which is disappointing, because she’s not half the person you are.”

Person. Half the person. Not trainer, but person. Heh. He really does think highly of me, doesn’t he? My eyes wander over his tall frame, where he’s still speaking about the rewards of my character, as a unique heartache settles over me, mixing with the warmth from Colress’s comments. Why couldn’t N have seen this? Was I just born too late? If I had been the legendary trainer who had summoned Reshiram, would it have made a difference? Or am I just…unlovable? 

“…Can I ask you something?” I interject quietly, hands slipping from his lapels and then tightening into fists. Colress falls silent, expectantly watching me to finish my statement. “Have you ever fallen in love?”

“…Love?” He says it as though it is a foreign concept, and for a second, I am certain I am asking the wrong person advice about this, but then he continues, “I…think so, yes.”

“What did you love about that person?” I can’t help myself. I need to know. There is an urgency building in my veins that I need answered. Am I even relationship material? Is there something offputting about me that makes me so much worse off than Touko?

“Uh…” With the pauses Colress takes, I assume momentarily that he had lied in his previous statement, but again, he follows it up, albeit less than timely, with, “She surprised me. Always. I never knew what to expect with her. She fought for what she believed in, and did it with conviction. And she had a wonderful heart. The forgiving kind, that sometimes cares too much about other people and not enough about herself.”

My chest tightens with each word. Those qualities sound absolutely nothing like me. “She um…sounds amazing. You must have been so lucky.”

Colress’s chuckle catches me off guard. “It isn’t as if I told her about my feelings. I figured it would just weigh her down, with all the responsibilities she had already. She worked so hard sometimes…I wonder if she knew that it was okay to take a break.”

“Is it really okay? To take a break?” I’m only being partially sarcastic. I never did give myself any time to enjoy myself after becoming a trainer. Of course, for a while, being a trainer let me enjoy myself. And then Team Plasma appeared and everything went to hell.  
“I think so. Is that not what this is?” He gestures to Lake Acuity and the white surroundings.

I let a smile creep its way onto my face, if only for a moment. “Yeah. I suppose it is.” I take a step back and cross my arms to conserve my warmth to the best of my ability as I look up at him, making eye contact for the first time since our conversation had started. “What was her name?”

Panic is the last emotion I am expecting to register on his face, but it is the one I am met with when I ask. My eyebrow furrows straight off the bat as Colress breaks eye contact to look anywhere but at me. “It doesn’t matter, Rosa.”

“…You’re right. It probably doesn’t.” Even though the nosy side of me wants to know, I let it go. It isn’t any of my business anyhow. Instead, I rub at my sleeves to make heat and take a few steps forward, grabbing his coat and entangling myself in the middle of it. “Do you think she would feel the same had you confessed?”

Yellow eyes meet mine with an unidentifiable expression. “I sincerely doubt it.” No laugh this time. His voice is full of…expectant disappointment. My heart sinks a bit further into the quicksand of my chest. He deserves the happiness of being loved. For how much he has done for me during these past few months? He deserves the world in my opinion.

I wasn’t lying when I said I might not be here if it weren’t for him. So I resolve in less than a minute that I want to repay him for that. No matter what. I slip outside his coat and stand on my tiptoes, trying to reach his height to the best of my ability, which only garners a concerned glance from the taller man.

“Rosa, what are you—“

“I’m sure she would be honored to receive a love confession from you,” I voice honestly, meeting his eyes with intensity. Colress is taken aback slightly by my words, as is evident in his expression, but it fades into nothing short of protest without much thought.

“…With all respect, it is all irrelevant. I strongly suspect she has feelings for someone else.”

…Oh. With a pang, something hits the bottom of my chest, and I realize that my heart has completely sunk through the cycle of quicksand and emerged at the less fortunate end of the hourglass. I suppose Colress and I are more similar than I thought. But the difference is, he deserves to be happy far more than I do, for what he’s been through with me. I want to help. I want to do something to help him achieve the status of being loved like that. When I thought that N had cared about me like that, it had been positively amazing, despite how wishy-washy that sounds. It’s magical, the way a person can look at you and see someone they want to spend the rest of their lives with. 

He _deserves_ that.

And then, of course, another potentially dangerous thought occurs to me. I raise my hand and rub slightly at my eye with a sudden itch, making sure to catch the scientist’s eye as I do so. “I-I think I got something stuck in my eye. Can you see anything?”

As he leans down to inspect my face, I have to gather all the courage I’ve ever had in my soul and throw it into a single effort. A single long-shot that will probably erupt in my face and I will regret for years to come. But at least it is my decision, I suppose. And hopefully he’ll forgive me if this goes south.

For all the hell I put him through, he deserves much more than what he is about to receive. 

“I don’t see anything in your eye, Rosa. Are you sure that you—“

It’s now or never. I fling my hands forward and throw them around his neck, pulling him inwards towards my face. The fear is spiking up in my veins to heart attack proportions at this point, but I’ve come this far. I avoid his confused gaze and shut my eyes tightly, gently pressing my own bitterly cold lips to his. The world doesn’t even feel real, as time stops around me momentarily. 

And like that, I kiss him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU GO ROSA. Four for you, Rosa. Go out and get'em. (Even though her head is still somehow avoiding the obvious, haha.)


	27. Annoying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rosa is...completely uninformed.

The universe stops turning at some point within the eternity that I spend in thought during this awkward exchange. I’m searching frantically in my mind for the reason why I felt compelled to do this, but I’m coming up blank with every file cabinet I peruse. I want him to be happy. He deserves to be happy. But me, doing this? That hardly seems like much of a gift. He should have the honor of kissing the woman he actually does love, rather than some emotionally crippled little girl.

My arms slip slightly from the surface of his coat, then all at once, and I pull away, relieved that the snowflakes coming to rest on my cheeks are helping put out the fire spreading across my face. I avoid his eyes immediately, but I can see out of the corner of my vision that he, much like myself, is not quite sure how to react other than maybe shock. My stomach is in knots, overwhelmed with anxiety that my impulsive choice will cause him to drift away with less than subtlety, but I can’t do much but glare at the snow with panic.

He opens his mouth to speak, but I’m quick to cut him off. “I’m sorry. I just…um…I thought for a second that maybe I could help you make her notice your feelings for her and return them. Like, making her jealous or something.” The longer I keep babbling, the more ridiculous the idea sounds. Sneaking a glance at Colress tells me that he agrees, as he looks notably pained by the notion, shoulders sinking slightly in exasperation. Yet, it seems less discontent than disappointment, which is much, much worse than his being tired of my shenanigans. I tense up at the end of my sentence at this realization, voice sputtering to a rough halt.

I’m not at all expecting him to smile, but that’s the first move he makes after being momentarily stunned by my bold stupidity. “That’s a wonderful gesture for you to make. And I’m flattered that you care so much…but…I’m afraid it isn’t…it won’t…work. I appreciate the effort though, Rosa.”

My entire world has abandoned its axis, jumped ship, and flipped upside down only to roll away into another solar system. I don’t know what is even happening. How much bigger a fool of myself can I make? Coming in second best to Touko apparently wasn’t enough of a disaster for my pathetic self-confidence, and neither was being deceived—no, no, not deceived, but choosing to blatantly ignore—the signs of Team Plasma’s rise. Evidently now I must resort to throwing myself at my only friend? That’s nice, Rosa. Seriously. Wow.

I can’t even help it now. His kindness is too much, and I’m too much, and it’s all just so—agh. My brain is practically on fire as I stand, avoiding the scientist’s eyes, and shaking in my boots beyond the level of being cold. I am freezing. Everything feels…wrong. I feel wrong in absolutely every way.

“Don’t,” he suggests—and it really is that, merely a suggestion, because I can’t help myself from reacting like I am when he reaches for me and I takes more than a few steps backwards, probably too many, because next thing I know, I’m falling backwards and my back is being met with an unspeakable cold. It washes over my skin, and even though I want to cry above the water, once I am sucked in, the feeling disappears. I am completely and totally numb, and it is the best feeling I could ask for. In the few months leading up to the league, I experienced this, but it was far too short before my mental breakdown at the Champion’s Chambers. 

I want to completely melt into the lake. To just disappear into the particles of the water that envelops me like a cool bed. But I only get a second. Because next thing I know, Prinplup is vigorously pushing from beneath me, shoving me to the surface, where I feel familiar hands pull me ashore to snow that is now much warmer than before in comparison to the water. “You have to stop this.” Colress sounds genuinely annoyed when he speaks, as though he is losing his patience with me.

“Stop what?” I mumble, the wintry wind sweeping over me with a less than kind hand as I rub at my eyes, blinking a few times to readjust myself to the scenery. Everything looks the same. No ocean. No eternal darkness. No Unova. I avert my gaze to my lap as Colress glares at me.

“Stop treating yourself like this. You didn’t make any mistakes this time, alright? And even if you did, that’s a part of nature, which is natural and intended in this world. I’m not…” He trails off, visibly frustrated whenever I do manage a delayed glance at him, taking off his coat and starting to throw it around me. I start to raise my arms to protest, but then lose momentum in favor of whatever he was about to say. It would deter the conversation from me, and there is little more I could ask for than that.

“You’re not what?” Voluntarily, of my own mind’s will this time, I choose to stand, catching him offguard. I slip my arms through the sleeves of the coat, not bothering to find an exit hole as I plant them on my hips. “Listen, Colress. If this girl or whoever you like doesn’t care about you too, then y-you should just give up on her, alright? If she can’t see you as being the wonderful, supportive, encouraging person that you are, you don’t need her in your life. You have been kinder to me than anyone in Unova, excluding Hugh, has ever been. And that means something. If she can’t see you in you what I see in you, then she doesn’t deserve you.”

It takes me a second to realize that I just spoke what I hadn’t been able to find earlier that was making my head spin. And it’s too late, and my intentions are completely spoiled. I’m absolutely petrified to look at Colress. I would peek through my hands if I were even that brave, but I’m not. At least, not until I hear him laughing.

“You never fail to try and keep the subject off yourself, do you?” He walks over to me with a smile, placing his hands very gently on my face, which, after having been exposed to the air for a few minutes, is now starting to become quite cold in combination with the soaking wet clothes. “You know, it is very funny that you say all of this. What exactly is it that you see in me, Rosa?”

He’s killing me. Why must he torture me like this? Does he realize he is doing it? No, of course he does. Colress is just like this, flustering me relentlessly and then taking great pleasure in it, if only in secrecy. It’s all very annoying. I have a chance to right my hysterical kiss from earlier though, so I best take it. “Intelligence. Kindness. Support. Good qualities. You’re a good person, even in spite of Team Plasma. You are honest and innovative, a handsome genius, and any woman would be lucky to have your interest, Colress.”

“Hm.” My face is on fire. I’m contemplating how best to dunk my head in the water so as to cool down, but I probably shouldn’t risk falling in again, lest I sink too deep. Colress is in the midst of pondering, turned away from me as he walks about, turning in circles ever so often for a few minutes of abstract thought. I wrap the coat tighter around myself, somewhat concerned with the rigid way he is stepping, as though he really is contemplating something serious. Until finally he stops, approaching me and my uncertain expression with a blank visage.

“I was not going to tell you this. But considering the recent turn of events, I think that maybe…you should know the identity of the girl who has garnered my affections.”

If this weren’t so serious, I would probably giggle at his outrageously formal wording. He sounds almost like N with speech like that, a thought that would normally make me shrivel up inside, but today just leaves a light tap on my heart, as a reminder that he once held a place in there. It’s evidence that I’m getting better. Evidence that I can.

Colress takes a long, deep breath before eventually meeting my eyes. “The truth is, it’s actually quite convenient that you see in me what you do, Rosa. Because you are the only person that I would like to impress.”

“Huh?” No. I don’t understand. What about mystery girl? Is he even saying what I think he is saying? My face is starting to preheat again, without my consent of course, as I struggle to keep visual contact. “What do you mean? What about the girl? Does this mean you are giving up on her?” I’m trying not to sound excited. I don’t want to sound excited, because it isn’t as though I can return these feelings for—dammit. Who the hell am I kidding? 

I like him. I can’t trace it back to when, or where, but, if I had to, it was in Hearthome City, when I woke up from nightmares and he responded with this unshakeable faith in me that I have never had in myself. He believes enough in me for all of Unova. I wasn’t expecting it, but these small gestures of kindness…they aren’t small at all, especially to me. He hasn’t fixed me, by any means, but he has put me on the road to recovery, something that I was intending to just bypass in favor of a new identity in my original Sinnoh plan. And it isn’t just that, I realize with a jolt. I meant everything I had said about him earlier. Those are my perceptions, and the facts in my reality, one that I’m not sure I ever want to change. It’s terrifying, these feelings swelling up in my chest. It isn’t anything like with N. Not even close.

“Uh…not exactly, no. I thought that you knew.”

“I knew what?” Obviously, I am missing something, and whatever it is, it is crucial to this conversation, so I need to locate it quickly, except, that isn’t much to go off of. In fact, it’s functionally nothing. 

“The girl, Rosa. The girl is you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rosa. Rosa, please. 
> 
> I know this is sort of an awkward place to end this chapter, but I think I know where I am going with this story finally, so that is related to the cliffhanger at hand. The good news: Moonringshipping ~~finally after 27 chapters~~. And the bad news: Wellllll. I'll just save that for next chapter.


	28. Hindsight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are heating up in Snowpoint City, but not in the way one might expect.

When we finally arrive in front of the large, ominous grey temple in Snowpoint City, it occurs to me that I probably should have realized long, long ago, what Colress was talking about back at the lake. My skin still feels like a volcano ripe for eruption, hours later, after he had explained and I managed to hold back a smile for about .5 seconds before practically tackling him in a hug. My entire body seems weightless, and even though we had held hands before this, platonically, I can’t keep this grin off my face. I’m happy. Genuinely happy. Something I never thought I would be. 

Colress, of course, is unchangingly glued to science, a trekking couple of paces ahead as he examines the writing on the inside of one of the many columns holding up this great structure. His ahoge is yet again serving as a disk for snowflakes to gather and melt, almost entirely blotting out the neon color that makes it so identifiable when he turns to look at me pointed, brows furrowed slightly in a concerned expression. “Rosa? Are you alright? Surely you’re not…rethinking this, are you? As I mentioned before, there is no rush to give me an answer.”

For once, his concern is needless. I’m wonderful. Glowing, even. I want to blow kisses to this entire region and all it stands for. But not Unova. Even the recent, joyful events can’t keep me from despising my home any less, and all for a reason I can’t begin to comprehend. I had wanted to think that N was my main issue with Unova, and without him, I would loathe the place little to not at all, but as it turns out, that isn’t the case. I suppose I must have some deep seated issues with Unova, to say the least. From the moment I became a trainer there, it was ‘all eyes on Rosa to see when she would fall from grace,’ and despite my current happiness, I think I would take great pleasure to return solely to give the public there a piece of my mind—not to mention a certain offensive hand gesture. 

“Colress,” I start, trudging through the snow with heavy feet, intending to reach him ahead, but failing miserably. The sensation of being weightless has nothing on the white, condensed mass stopping around my waist, and it is easy to forget that amongst the cloud of bliss I am currently living in. I have to pull my feet forcibly above the hulking piles of snow and plant them, one by one as I go forward, slowly but surely. The steps are only lightly dusted with the frost from Snowpoint, something I take care to avoid as I grab ahold of Colress’s arm to pry myself loose from the snow and propel myself forward, right into his chest. “I made my decision already. I told you. Nothing would make me happier than being with you. I was just thinking of how true that actually is. I’m just…” My voice is muffled into the fabric of his coat before he lifts me gently out of it. 

“You’re what?” He doesn’t lose that worried edge to his tone.

“I…I haven’t been this happy since before Kyurem. I-it’s all just so wonderful. I guess I forgot what it was like to be unconcerned that my life was falling apart. Thank you.” When I meet his eyes, he seems confused, but it soon melts into a gentle half-smile as his arms encircle me and press gently against my back to hug me. It’s freezing outside, but I can barely feel the cold whistling around me, beckoning me back to despair. It can kiss my ass, and so can Unova. I’m going to be me, and I’m going to be happy, and no one can stop me.

“Still…are you certain about this? There are quite a few obstacles ahead of us, should you choose this path.” It is odd to hear Colress have such a defeatist attitude, considering that he was the one who revealed his feelings to me under assumption I would return them. Regardless, I am determined to grind these objections into dust before they start causing real problems, like when this haze of joy wears off and my old friend self-loathing comes back to haunt me and whisper insecurities into my ear.

“Like what?” I inquire, although it is a bit of a moot point. I know what he is going to say. And none of it matters to me. My hopeless romanticism refuses to let such inferior reasons interfere in the first genuine incident of my heart swelling up where anxiety isn’t the sole cause.

“Your friends are not going to approve, and neither is the community of Unova. I’m quite a bit older than you, and if that weren’t enough, I’m ex-Team Plasma. I am exiled from civil society in the region, even if it has never been directly ordered so. And you’re the champion. It doesn’t…fit.”

Interesting. I didn’t think he would bring up my being the champion, but he isn’t wrong, per se. However. “First off,” I begin, pulling out of our embrace and looking firmly into those yellow eyes that seem hell bent on avoiding mine. “I only have one friend, and that is Hugh. He might not like it at first, but I doubt it, because despite the attitude, the only thing he really wants for me is happiness, be that with whomever. Second, Unova can kiss my ass. I don’t care about their opinion. I’m done with them. Third, and this ties in with what I just said, I am a person, not some idol for Unova to put on a pedestal and expect to do as they please. There are plenty of other people willing to jump through hoops for their amusement, but I am not, not anymore, and their judgement concerning you is irrelevant to me. I don’t care about what any of them say. And lastly, as far as age goes, I don’t think a five or six year age gap is quite so bad.”

His face shifts several times, from worry, to confusion, then to—proud. There is a proud smile evident by the end of my speech, at which point he leans down and gently tilts my chin upwards slightly, automatically eliciting a wildfire of blush to spread across my face. “You are more radiant when you are confident, Rosa. If I may say so.”

“Y-you may. I guess.” Ugh, the nerve of this guy. He laughs and turns away as I avert my eyes to look at the bleary lights of the houses down the way. There is a full-on blizzard separating us from the rest of town, even though the temple sits smack-dab in the center of the snowy suburbia. As Colress retreats into the entrance, I withdraw a Pokeball, holding it close in both hands to absorb some of the warmth being emitted from it, then turn and follow him. It is dark inside, as one might expect with ancient ruins, as well as damp and—fitting the landscape outside—icy.

As we travel further in, I elect to free one hand from the Pokeball and grab Colress’s coat, simply so I don’t slip and make a fool out of myself and he has the opportunity to laugh at me more. The atmosphere changes from one cavernous room to the next, as well the size, which greatens with each floor we descend. Finally, we reach what I assume is the bottom floor, where the ground is nothing but a sheet of ice, and I can’t help but feel eyes crawling on my back that don’t belong to anything in this region at all. The stalactites and stalagmites look like teeth, teeth of a certain yellow-eyed Pokemon I just couldn’t shake the nightmares of, no matter how hard I try. My grip on his coat tightens automatically, as does the one on my Pokeball.

Something is not right down here. I see something very large lingering in the middle of the room, a hulking mass that nearly tripled my size, shaped like a very odd, bulky Pokemon, but carved out of stone. The eerie electricity coursing through my veins worsens the closer we get, Colress taking the lead 100% as we skate and slide across the ice, eventually coming to a close in front of the creature. Despite its obvious inorganic components and lifeless position, I can’t shake the feeling that washes over me when I look at it. Colress doesn’t notice, far too caught up in the wonder of what we have just discovered, but I want to go back. Now.

My instincts are screaming at me that this place is bad news, yet my body is essentially paralyzed, feet frozen to the ground. I can practically sense Kyurem’s cold breath on my neck, and I am trying very hard not to sink into a state of utter manic fear and panic when the scientist finally speaks. “The legendary Pokemon, Regigigas. Just another myth after all, evidently. There is some legend that states that if its creations of ice, steel and rock are brought here, it will appear to challenge the trainer in possession of the three.”

As Colress turns to glance at me, likely noting my unusual silence at his scientific lecture, the reason for my uneasiness seems to become clear all too quickly. I watch in transfixed horror as the stone surface of Regigigas seems to fade away into color, and a hideous, electronic noise sounds across the temple, shaking the cavern with its volume. I shut my eyes involuntarily, wincing at the force, before the second sound, a crushing foot moving forward, causes them to shoot back open. Colress has turned back around at this point, expression hidden from me as he takes a step backwards, away from the Pokemon that now stood over us, stretching its arms in an oddly slow manner. I have to be brave, I remind myself, gritting my teeth and taking a step forward, even though my legs feel like that might give out from underneath me at any given second. I try to lift my arm to throw my Pokeball and release the partner that would make this awful situation ancient history, but it is impossibly heavy, and the eyes of Kyurem are burning into my back, frosty breath heavy on my neck. As the stalactites begin to wriggle free of their position from the ceiling and fall, shattering like glass, all I can see are the pieces of ice sharpened knives pointed towards me, and Ghetsis, yelling in a guttural voice, “—Glaciat—“

I shut my eyes and I shut down, the Pokeball tumbling from my hand and rolling away, stopping by my foot, as I kneel down, covering my ears and curling up tightly. No, no, no! This isn’t right at all! I’m in Sinnoh, not Unova! H-He can’t have brought this reign of terror here and now. I-I can handle this. I should be able to—but Kyurem. Those yellow eyes staring me down with indifference. The entire floor is rumbling, but I barely feel it until it stops. 

It takes a few moments for the memory to fade away, but the fear doesn’t bother leaving with it. I am able to shakily stand, but opening my eyes is a slow, scary process, because I’m not sure what I will see. Regigigas? Colress? My encounter with Kyurem ruin the relationship I had spent the past few months cultivating only to fall in love and lose him to this Sinnoh monster with dots for eyes? I’m pathetic. I’m just…I-I can’t believe I…

…To my surprise, it is none of those things. I see destruction, but only of the cavern around me. Colress, nor Regigigas are nowhere to be found. My waste of a mouth finally manages to speak words that aren’t incoherent mumbling and whimpering while I plead with Kyurem for my life. “C…Colress?” I inquire, voice echoing around the walls that were still intact. I notice that one is blown out, but I hear no noise in any direction, so surely he can’t be there? “Colress?”

I don’t hear anything. I am beyond the point of panicking. “Colress!” I yell. “Where are you? Colress!” Still nothing. My heart is about to fly out of my chest from beating so fast, and I have no one to blame but myself. Where is he? Had Regigigas taken him somewhere? But…but why?! Why had Regigigas even come to life? According to what Colress had said, it was only supposed to be roused in the presence of the three Hoenn legendaries. Why now, then? Sure, I had Volcarona and Zekrom with me, but Volcarona was an honorary legendary at best, and neither of them were made of ice, rock, or steel. I-I don’t understand.

I start to take a step forward, but stop, as something shatters beneath my foot. Gingerly removing my foot and leaning down, I notice a pair of glasses on the ground, neatly broken by my weight and pick them up. Although the lens are out, I can tell they aren’t Colress’s by the shape, which gives me small but strange hope. I peer at the ground, squinting to find the lens, and come across a shard of glass that seems tinted in rose pink. Staring at it, I frantically try to remember who in the world that reminded me of. Think, Rosa, think…

“Charon,” says a voice, monotone, and I almost jump as Rotom whizzed out of seemingly nowhere, appearing in front of me with a determined scowl. “Tom, Rotom. Tom.”

“Charon,” I breathe, not meeting its gaze. The man who had been responsible for stealing Rotom and the other Pokemon from Team Plasma. Was he responsible for forcibly waking Regigigas as well? And Colress? Had he taken him?

I crunch the glasses frames in my hand and stand up, straightening my back and looking at Rotom firmly. I know what I need to do. Even if Charon isn’t behind this, which is doubtful, he will have information. I am going to find Colress. I will defeat Regigigas. I will kick Charon’s ass if I have to. Hell, even if I don’t have to. I at least owe Colress that much for flaking out when he needed me. 

Charon has no idea who he is messing with. I’m the champion of Unova, hero to the region. I took down Team Plasma with hardly any effort, spare the horrific Kyurem incident. I can definitely take a squat nerd with broken glasses and an inferiority complex. Regardless of what I have to face, I am ready for this.

I have to be. For Colress’s sake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, as much as I hate the kidnapping trope, I loathe the "boy meets girl, girl is magically cured from depression" trope more, so here we are. Rosa is on her way to kick ass, by herself. Well, with Rotom, Volcarona, Empoleon, and Zekrom. She's going to get stuff done. Smol evil science man better watch it. I want to give her a chance to reverse the roles of being a damsel in distress, like she was with N, because Rosa DOES need to heal on her own. Of course, rescuing the boyfriend is a good motivation, I would imagine. ;3


	29. Hero

“Kari, it’s an emergency.” 

My voice doesn’t sound urgent when I walk into the library, but then, I am attempting to keep a façade of calm in this safe space of silence. There is no one in sight beyond the girl at the front desk, who stands up immediately at my entrance, looking as perplexed as she is likely concerned. “Mei. What’s happening?”

I approach the desk after prying my heavy feet from the ground with an intense effort, stopping just close enough to take in her scholarly, relaxed appearance. _Kari, the Champion of Sinnoh, works in a library_ , I tell my subconscious, attempting to file this information for later on, when I am reminded of my own inadequacy as my person. “I need you to tell me everything you know on a man named Charon.”

At the mention of the name, Rotom zooms out of my bag, beginning to rattle off a series of nonsensical variations on its own name, no doubt passionately absorbed in proving the man’s personality as less than honorable. But as neither Kari nor I can understand, she quickly recovers from the abruptness of the situation at hand and takes a deep breath, answering, “He was a scientist for Team Galactic. Why do you ask?”

“I…I…um…” It isn’t as though I am not expecting this inquiry, nor is it unwarranted, but the fact remains that I find myself unable to summarize my predicament without explaining that I am in fact, a liar, and a fellow champion. And the truth is so long, and unnecessary. It only detracts time where I could be saving Colress, or at the very least making certain he is okay. He…he has to be. Please. Let him be…okay.

I open my mouth to bite the bullet, but am interrupted by the presence of Estella descending the stairs, a smile curved across her features. Her eyes are particularly blue today when they fall on me, gentle tone following, “I thought I heard a familiar voice. What can we do for you today, Mei? Are you alright? You seem flushed.”

You have no idea, I want to say. My post-traumatic stress disorder I’ve spent the past year denying exists just resulted in the ruination and endangerment I once thought was my enemy but now I’ve fallen hopelessly for, and now I’m not sure I can fix it. She is quick to turn her eyes when a sudden spark from Rotom flies off, and its sputtering of inane muttering comes to an end. However, something shifts her entire demeanor in that second, a huge enough difference that she almost misses her final step, about to tumble to the ground before catching herself, eyes wide with something akin to recognition. I glance to Rotom, who has gone completely still, focused on the woman on the stairs.

“Rotom,” she speaks in a quiet tone, as though the effort is painstaking. The area around her eyes reddens, right above where I see tears pooling. I want to voice my confusion, but everything seems to click into place in an instant. For once. Assuming I am right. There are no coincidences in my life, so there has to be some significance to this, even if I am wrong about what the significance is. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

The Pokemon seems at a loss for speech, taking a peek at my Pokedex, then thinking better of it. Fortunately, my tongue finally unglues itself from its frozen position, and I find myself able to force out a, “I--…um…do you know someone named Charon, Estella?”

“N-no. Where did you find Rotom, Mei?” The name sounds so strange now. I am barely able to recognize it as being directed towards me. Maybe because I like the way Colress says my real name. Maybe it’s the fact that I know who I am now. But Rosa doesn’t sound half bad anymore. I don’t even know who Mei is.

“It’s…it belongs to my…friend.” I am not ready for that conversation with my Sinnoh surrogate mother. She squints her eyes, hesitating visibly before responding with an unsatisfied nod. I take this as a cue to continue, so I clear my throat and manage to state with moderate confidence, “He is in trouble because of me, and Charon has something to do with it, as well as Regigigas. I need your help.”

Her attitude takes another twist, along with Kari’s, although in different ways. Both speak at the same time, eerily clear in their intense volume. 

“Regigigas?!”

“Colress?!”

It takes a few seconds, but I know which I want to respond to first. “Yes,” I start uncertainly, my veins beginning to ripple with the anxiety that I am trying so hard to keep hidden. “Please. I need to know where Charon is, or where he might be, or just…anything. I-I owe Colress so much. I can’t let him down just because I don’t know anything about Team Galactic o-or the lore of the region. Please help me.”

Estella is out from behind the counter so quickly that she might as well have jumped it, plucking a book from a nearby shelf and thumbing through it with a shaky hand, expression equivalent to the nightmare of nerves I am experiencing. “Regigigas is a Pokemon only brought to life in the presence of its three creations: Regice, Regirock, and Registeel, or materials from them. I-it is notoriously difficult to resurrect according to history. I-I’m trying…to find…” She hurriedly skips pages back and forth, panic becoming increasingly more obvious as she can’t seem to locate whatever information she is looking for. “Come on, come on…”

Kari jumps in automatically, “I haven’t seen Charon in years. But if I had to bet on where he would be, I would say Veilstone City. It is where the old Team Galactic base is. If you don’t know where it is, I could take y—“

“I-I’ve been there,” I interrupt softly, thinking fondly of the battle between Cal and I, and how vigorously I had fought to prove Colress wasn’t wasting his time in Unova. I guess I had always cared a bit too much about him, even early on. I should have told him then. Maybe then, we could’ve spent more time together before…no, no, this is stupid. He is going to be okay. I will make damn sure of it. Charon will not ruin this for me, and neither will I. 

“Dammit! It’s not in here.” Frustrated, Estella shoves the book back into its thin space on the shelf, taking care not to damage it despite her irritation. She turns back around to face me, and I am unable to stop from noticing the tears pooling at the edges of her eyes, ready to escape at any given moment. “Mei. How bad is this situation? Will he be alright?”

Without even thinking, I answer with what I have been telling myself for the past two hours on the flight over here, “I-I am the Pokemon League Champion of Unova. I-I beat Team Plasma when they rose again and toppled their entire hierarchy, for good. I-I fought the legendary hero of ideals and caught his dragon after it was released. It will be alright. I can take Charon and Regigigas with one hand tied behind my back.”

When the statement is finished, I instantly tense up, realizing what I have just done with a pang of regret. When I look from Kari to Estella, both of them are wide-eyed, and I think I have made a huge error before Estella nods firmly, suddenly brimming with confidence. “I trust you. Please, save my son. And bring him by here. We have a lot to catch up on.”

It is my turn to be left witless by her words. A son? Colress is her son? What?! This woman does not look old enough to have children, let alone one the age of Colress! Although, to be fair, I don’t actually know how old Colress is. Five to six years ahead of my nineteen was an estimate at best. It doesn’t matter to me either way, I just….what the hell? “Colress is your son?” I utter, voice cracking.

“Yes.” Estella’s expression softens to a smile as easily as it had become poised earlier. “I haven’t spoken to him in about a year and a half, unfortunately, because I lost track of him after he stopped attending university. Then his father and I divorced and I moved here to pursue my dream of managing a library. And at that point…I had no idea where to begin about finding him. But I think of him every day…I wished you had mentioned that you knew him. Is…is he alright? Besides all of this? Does he have a job? A home? A happy life?” She crosses her hands over her chest, clutching one of her wrists in worry.

I can’t fight the urge to smile at her motherly nature, but it is a sad smile. I miss my own mother, as well as Hugh, but I am far off from seeing them until after this mess is solved. “He is…incredible. You raised a wonderful son, Estella.” I want to say more, like just how wonderful he is, but the words need to wait, no matter how much I want to tell her. She could witness them in person, provided I could see my convictions through to the end. I can’t tense up like I did at the Snowpoint Temple whenever I encounter Charon and, potentially, Regigigas, or else Estella won’t get to have the conversations she missed out on with her son. Colress won’t receive the opportunity to prove his father wrong in every way conceivable. I won’t experience being loved by someone who truly believes in Rosa, rather than Touko. 

I can’t allow any of that to pass. As a hero of Unova, and as a supposed hero of ideals, I have a duty to fulfill, and that is the protection of not just my home region, but whoever needs it. And no one needs right now more than Colress.

In my midst of giving myself a pep talk, Estella approaches and pushes a book at me with gentle hands. “Take this with you. It will prove useful for dealing with legendary Pokemon, especially since you know little lore of this place. Please, be careful, Mei.” There is a masked, look of contemplation hiding behind her eyes when she meets mine. I am involuntarily slammed into by the thought of Colress’s electric ahoge and instantly, my fists tighten. I nod.

“Thank you. I am going to take care of this.” After Kari joins Estella in standing in front of the checking desk, the two nod at me with a note of finality and confidence. I return the gesture firmly, taking a deep breath and turning to exit through the library doors.

My hands are shaking in addition to my legs, when I step outside. The muscles in my chest are tight enough that it feels like they are ready to snap and lash out against my bones, which rattle with the anticipation of the situation before me. There is no room for failure. I have to be brave, no exceptions. I cannot fake my way out of this dilemma. 

I shakily withdraw a Pokeball and call out Zekrom. It is nighttime on a wide Canalave City street, and I am doing my best not to meet the eyes of the bewildered citizens as I board the black dragon with my trembling frame and call it to the star-dusted air. The wind whips behind us, as Zekrom fires up its electrical overdrive and shifts into an efficient gear to complement aerodynamics.

If only it was that easy for me. Turning into someone else. I want to be the brave version of Rosa, the one that Colress sees when he looks at me and smiles knowingly, when I am in battle, or when I am sprawled out across a Pokemon Center lounge after a solid 36 hours of insomnia. I want to be the Rosa that Hugh envisions whenever he speaks of how phenomenal a friend I am, and how I vigorously fought and defeated Team Plasma with little to no help. I want to be the Rosa my mother sent off on a journey and only desired the best experiences for. 

I will be that Rosa. Rosa Black, champion of the Unova region, hero of ideals, vanquisher of Team Plasma. Rosa Black. Best friend to the most dedicated brother in the world, daughter to the talented Pokemon Center receptionist, and girlfriend to the ex-Plasma scientist who believed relentlessly in her despite her lack of faith in herself. Maybe it is like Colress said. Maybe, much like Pokemon supposedly have potential that can be tapped into, I also have hidden skill that I have yet to uncover. Is it with me now? I damn well have to hope so.

There is no option for failure. I look around at the clouds passing by, the names of which had inspired Unova’s many towns that I had come to loathe in such a short time after becoming champion. But my heart is not weighed down with my hatred any longer. The thought of Touko leaves a dull thump in my chest, and N is just a person when I think about him, with a face but no definable traits to his name. Unova feels so far away here, even when Colress was with me. New region, new problems, I suppose. Although this situation does feel awfully familiar, albeit different in class…

But there is no Team Plasma here to weigh me down with their plots of world domination. This is a whole new genre of evil to deal with, one lacking a Kyurem and sociopathic old man in tattered clothes. No masquerading scientist to destroy me this time, and in fact, it is quite the opposite. I will be saving him this time. 

Team Plasma cannot follow me here. They will no longer bring me down. And for that matter, neither will I.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rosa is becoming the "hold my flower babe" meme, and Colress has just...been a meme for a long time. Unfortunately, Charon setting up base in Veilstone seems a little predictable, don't you think? Almost like a...trap? Could it be?! It isn't just her PTSD from Kyurem that Rosa must deal with in the next chapter. All of her issues come to the surface and boy, are they problematic when you are trying to prove not just to everyone else, but also to yourself that you are in fact brave! But don't worry, Rosa. I've got your back. (A fanfiction author's promise. Not worth too much, eh?)


End file.
